He became her sunrise

And setting sun

Celestial event

Her fervent one

But then

With time

The sky

It fell

As he left her gazing

At a cold horizon

All alone

It's hotter today than it was back then, but back then was warmer in ways that now never is.

I can picture with chrystal clarity every aspect of one of those days. The floating dock, its treated pine sun-baked and toasty on bare feet. The blue foam floats peeking through slats, stainless steel cleats with green jonboat tied alongside, gently swaying in the constant current. Rustoleum-red steel diamondplate and angle-iron stairs, welded by a man named Willie just upstream.

Often, my grandmother would sit on those stairs, a pack of Mores and a Tervis filled with iced Nestea by her side. She was my lifeguard, and there she'd sit, sipping, sweating, watching, vigilant. Cigarette smoke would help keep away the gnats, but I'd see her gently wave them away in between my jumps off of that floating dock.

I'd angle up and over the jonboat, clearing it in a shallow dive into warm waters that looked like that iced tea in her insulated cup.

When I inherited my grandfather's singlewide, I didn't keep any of those cups. Only now have I thought about them, and it pains me to not have one sitting in my keepsake cupboard. I have her old coffee cups and a replica of her stained-glass Coca-cola drinking glass that she used before getting the Tervis tumblers for Christmas one year. I believe those came from Anita, downstream. Her house has long been sold, but it looks the same, even if it looks much smaller today than it was then.

I'd plunge into those healing waters, that miracle mile of flowing wonder that fills my heart on these summer days so many years later. I learned to swim in an old concrete pool in a trailer park. The floor of the pool and the blacktop of the lanes would conspire to leave my feet a chewed, shredded mess, and the cooler sands of the riverbed were a balm for the soul. Summertimes were spent split between that river and the pool, and sunburns were a way of life.

The pool has been filled and forgotten, and I don't know anyone at the river anymore.

It's hotter today than it was back then, and memories of the warmth of a woman shepherding her lamb makes me mourn for my own cold, empty flock.

Her finger is transfixed on love’s pulse

on its rhythmic magic

on its throbbing madness

on its circulating mayhem

Never to be pulled away

Her own heart beats with it

musical chairs

sallied round and back

dreading its inevitable stop

I kiss and sniff your arm when I wake from sleep

I want to take a bite to keep a morsel with me

Ill stick in in my lip like a hipster does with zyn

Carry it all day then in the morning do it again

And when the arm gets a little sparse ill switch sides

Ill convince you somehow cause I need it to get by

Without a piece of you with me at all times

I dont know who I am or if I can survive

Im addicted to your skin

I yearn for a little piece of flesh

Its what keeps me going

Its whats keeping me fresh

A nibble here and a small bite there

Once bones exposed id thought youd care

But so far nothing so again im masticating

Now im skipping and chewing this is so liberating

You dont bandage up, you let your wounds breathe

You look at them like theyre tattoos of me

And when we walk away both covered in blood

I cant help but notice its the shade of love

And if these bites were to get infected

Grow black and green with pus from the scab

Through this sickness I feel more connected

You'll chew bits of me as a kind of rehab

Youre feeling better but now youre addicted too

The urge for flesh growing within you

So I lay back, and expose my tender spots

For you to take from me in ways that keep us soft

This obsession has grown more and more

Till we are 2 skeletons laid out on the floor

No explanation, no help from above

No skin left but smiling cause we are in love

Meeting him is like the first breath of crisp air in the spring in your lungs. No longer freezing cold air that feels like a million needle points in your lungs. Not yet the suffocating humid air of the summertime.

............................................

You walk into a bar one night, a girl's night out. Chatting away the night like you don't both work tomorrow. A few drinks in and a handsome slightly older man sits next to you. Good with his words, a charming smile.

The night goes on; he sweeps you away like a knight on his white horse. Nights spent texting, days spent texting. He's so charming. Waking up to "good morning" texts. He asks about your day.

First date:

A restaurant. Could you be more awkward? Just sit down he's right there. You sit down. Words feel like liquid rubber coming out your mouth. What are you even saying? What is he saying? You're so nervous, but the tingles feel like little fairies jumping all over your skin, and Teletubbies in your tummy. It's so uncomfortable but yet so comforting.

Next a movie. 10 minutes in; is he going to hold your hand? Should you grab his? He grabs yours, slowly caressing your hand during the whole movie. What was the movie even about? You don't know. The tingles spread through your body head to toe. You feel warm. He takes you home. Will he kiss you? No. He's gentlemen. Comforting.

......................................................

Second date:

Who cares about the date? Let's skip to the end. When you invite him home for a movie, hoping for some more time with him. He pushes you against the wall, kissing you slowly. Pick a movie. Movie picked. What's the movie? No clue. His lips locked on yours the world is spinning. Did the sun get closer? You're steaming.

But this isn't who you are anymore. This wasn't supposed to happen so soon. He doesn't want to wait. Can't control himself enough to stay for the movie. Again, what movie? Who's even watching? Not him. He holds you in his arms, comforting only a moment ago, now unsettling. He leaves and you await his text though you know how it should end. Know how it will end. I suppose, you know how it did end, right in that moment. Once was a fresh start, a new beginning, a hot flame...Now nothing more in your mind than yet another cold end.

It started with a dance

You asked me, I took a chance

That dance shook me to my core

Oh if I could go back and dance

With you once more

I fell for you on that floor

Then you were gone

Forever wanting more

My heart broke, My soul shattered

I still feel the love that never mattered

We talk, we are friends now

I still wishes we could be together some how

I poured my heart into you

You said you are not there

I felt your sweet loving kindness

How could you not care

Now I pretend that no feelings are there

Just to keep you from running away

If only you knew my love is here to stay

Only friends is where we are

The love I lost lives to far

We are in different places in our lives

With out the love I need to survive.

I said that I let it all go

All the feeling you do not know

A love for you felt in my soul

If only we could dance one more time

The lovely feeling lost in time

You left me in sweat soaked sheets.

I think the supernova of our love

became a red giant before I knew it.

There was no explosive ending for us.

It was all in our beginning

with our mouths finding pauses in hidden places,

we made love for a short, beautiful time.

And you left like you promised,

in the cool, early hours of morning.

Eyes once bright,

now a dark reminder

that you were exactly what you promised

a man with no home but the road...

and I was never going to change that fact, was I?

She was kind and cute

Frisky and fun.

We shared thoughts that

Only we knew .

We treasured our moments

Filled with love .

Time had our sorrows attached

With each day that passed.

I wouldn't trade the memory

We made for nothing on this earth.

She looked at me as I melted away.

I looked at her begging her to stay.

We laughed, loved, and lost each other because it was ...

Just for a summer.