New Beginning, Cold End

Meeting him is like the first breath of crisp air in the spring in your lungs. No longer freezing cold air that feels like a million needle points in your lungs. Not yet the suffocating humid air of the summertime.

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You walk into a bar one night, a girl's night out. Chatting away the night like you don't both work tomorrow. A few drinks in and a handsome slightly older man sits next to you. Good with his words, a charming smile.

The night goes on; he sweeps you away like a knight on his white horse. Nights spent texting, days spent texting. He's so charming. Waking up to "good morning" texts. He asks about your day.

First date:

A restaurant. Could you be more awkward? Just sit down he's right there. You sit down. Words feel like liquid rubber coming out your mouth. What are you even saying? What is he saying? You're so nervous, but the tingles feel like little fairies jumping all over your skin, and Teletubbies in your tummy. It's so uncomfortable but yet so comforting.

Next a movie. 10 minutes in; is he going to hold your hand? Should you grab his? He grabs yours, slowly caressing your hand during the whole movie. What was the movie even about? You don't know. The tingles spread through your body head to toe. You feel warm. He takes you home. Will he kiss you? No. He's gentlemen. Comforting.

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Second date:

Who cares about the date? Let's skip to the end. When you invite him home for a movie, hoping for some more time with him. He pushes you against the wall, kissing you slowly. Pick a movie. Movie picked. What's the movie? No clue. His lips locked on yours the world is spinning. Did the sun get closer? You're steaming.

But this isn't who you are anymore. This wasn't supposed to happen so soon. He doesn't want to wait. Can't control himself enough to stay for the movie. Again, what movie? Who's even watching? Not him. He holds you in his arms, comforting only a moment ago, now unsettling. He leaves and you await his text though you know how it should end. Know how it will end. I suppose, you know how it did end, right in that moment. Once was a fresh start, a new beginning, a hot flame...Now nothing more in your mind than yet another cold end.

Challenge

Resentment

Write a prose piece about a character who's still harboring resentment toward someone either in their past or their present.

CherrieAnn

Not Forgiving, Just letting Go

It's hard to let go of something you never actually had. Some luxury all made up in your mind. Sure, he was physically there, sometimes, but you craved a father so desperately you accepted that. You were even satisfied in that piece of your brain. But then you grow older and realize why are you the only one putting in effort to this relationship? He's the adult, he's the one who took custody of you, took you away from your mother and your siblings. But he never wanted to see you. You learn to misbehave because you know his only joy in life is taking control. Punishment and control, it's like his heroin, he'd inject it in his veins if he could. His attention is your drug, though. If you could grab his attention with your hand, you'd crush it up into a fine powder and snort it.

He won't change.

You told yourself your whole life he'd do better someday. That he loves you deep down, even if he never says or shows it. You try and try to build a relationship, but he doesn't care. The second you are out of his grasp he reaches out to you like you said his name 3 times in the mirror with the lights off. Bloody hand reaching for you, begging you to let it in. If you just let it in everything will be better. Forget what it was like before it'll be different this time, he's changed.

He won't change.

You go full no contact. You don't talk to him for years. You need time.

Even when he's not around you spend every extra second thinking about what you'd say to him. You practice the speech in the mirror. You never say any of it to him.

There's no way to forgive him. Stop trying. You can't move on mentally, but you no longer need to feel his addiction. You don't have to hear his voice or see his face ever again. So, you may not be able to forgive, but you're not doing too bad these days.