Always being asked this at a young age, I would tell tales of becoming a head chef in my very own restaraunt. I knew they were lies but I thought if I could get them to believe, I would soon too. On my own I dreamt of marrying, of finding my own true love just like those fairy tales shown me. Wishing, begging at times for my prince to come along and take me away from it all, knowing that being with them would fix everything. My future is foggy but I can see there's a clearing up ahead, where my love is waiting for me. There's nothing more I could wish for than to be a bride. It's just never the answer someone wants to hear when they ask that question.

one man

two rooms

three years

and shit ton of tears

Yet he stayed seeing a light, a gift not even I could see in myself. Struggling with inner demons I didn't always treat him with the highest of kindness like I hoped. Sometimes I feel as if I took advantage of his ever forgiving and understanding self. Saving me more times than I could count not only from others, but myself. He's a gentleman, a scholar, and a true comedian who may every now and then struggle but nevertheless always the first one there to lend a hand.

The last month in our makeshift home he handed me a letter, a poem, and a journal. A journal, to create. To document everything, from highs of life (and getting high) to the lowest of lows of when I relapsed or bittersweet endings of thoughtful ‘long-lasting’ relationships. A letter, of his thoughts and emotions of our time together, not a farewell letter, but more of asking me make it out safe. No matter how rough the seas may get. Finally, a poem. Throughout the years I have never scared him as much as February 9th. Empty pill bottles and a stone cold face, I was ready, I felt pure, everything felt so much clearer. Yet the moment I stepped into our makeshift home I knew it was wrong. Saving me once again I was to a room. Leaving him alone to his thoughts and being tossed into turmoil, he wrote his way out. Putting his feelings together to understand them himself and passing them onto me so I understood.

He’s no guardian angel for he is mortal. But he is my gift sent down from the heavens not to guide me, but to assist. To watch me not calm my oceans but learn to sail smoothly upon them.

We may not be together by blood but our words, our feelings, move passed and are larger than that. Since finally, for the first time, I have a father.

drowning in all of the noise and gun fire. they cannot know.

Spectacle, my doctor ask with raised eyebrows "With such a little dosage of medication... she's coping?

"Yeah. Right?"

his eyes staring through me... afraid of the monster i will awake if i tell the truth..

i will soon grow. i will soon grow. 18... 18... 6 more years.. you can do it.. push through..

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You have to learn

How to balance everything out

okay...

You can't put everything

And all you have

Into one thing

And still expect

Everything else

To stay afloat

i know

Don't talk back and listen

This is serious

You can't do this to us again

You got it?

...

FUCKING ANSWER HER!!

...she told me not to talk back..

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'I dont need this'

I whisper under my breath

in the middle of math class

'I'll make it big one day.

You'll see.'

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i am sorry to

everyone who has ever been close to me

because i am aware

of the destruction i bring

i am aware of that dark cloud

that follows me aroung

time to time

and seems to never leave

i am aware of the moments

where i make it as if

it's the end of the world

and a snake

slithers out of my mouth

and around your neck like a noose

i do not mean to

i know you know that

for the first words i say

when i lay eyes

is i'm sorry.

You have to learn

How to balance everything out

okay..

You can’t put everything

And all you have

Into one person

And expect them

To do the same

i know

Don’t talk back and listen

This is serious

You can’t do this to us again

You got it?

…

Fucking answer her!

..she told me not to talk back.

we have more in common

then i ever thought we did

and the familiarness of

all of it

is such a warmth

i have never felt before

smile my darling

for this will be all over soon

i’m listening

It’ll be okay

i’ll always be here

there is nothing else

you can do

when your own home doesn’t

feel like home

all there is for you

is to wait

eventually they will be force to change

or

eventually you will become of age

I see her

And i see what

She is doing to herself

Looking at her now

I can’t help but blame myself

For not paying close enough attention

A part of me knew

That it was going to get worse

That she wouldwill bury herself

Deeper into her own grave

But instead of helping i

Watch till it was

Almost too late

I am ashamed

I see her

And i see what

She is doing to herself

Looking at her now

I can’t help but blame myself

For not paying close enough attention

A part of me knew

That it was going to get worse

That she wouldwill bury herself

Deeper into her own grave

But instead of helping i

Watch till it was

Almost too late

I am ashamed