and i said less so you could speak more

chipped away at my character

threw out pieces of myself until i was small enough for you to hold

nodded and

smiled and

silenced my mind

and you still wouldn't love me

and now i'm retracing my steps

to find the missing parts of me

"Im fine"

is what you say to shut people up when you're not really fine, but you don't want to talk about it.. Usually followed by a slamming door, a thrown beer bottle or anything that a woman can get her hands on.

"I'm fine" means I'm really dying inside.

It means I don't need your shit right now, so just shut the fuck up!

But I'm being polite by saying "I'm fine!"

Really it means "What's the point in talking about it? You don't give a flying fuck how I feel anyway so big deal!" No really,

I'm fine!

D.Boyle

"I'm fine."

(If I were fine I wouldn't be crying, asshole.)

"I'm fine!"

(Come closer and I will chop your arm off and beat you to death with it!)

" Really, I'm fine."

(Please just put your arms around me and hold me, you idiot.)

"No, I'm fine."

(Of course I need your help, moron, isn't that obvious?)

"I'm fine!"

(This has been the worst day of my life so far, thanks for asking!)

"I'm fine."

(I wouldn't sleep with both eyes closed tonight. Dick.)

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

(I am literally seconds away from a mental breakdown and you don't want to see it.)

"Thanks, I'm fine."

(If you don't give me some right now, I'll starve to death before your eyes!)

"I'm fine!"

(You have ripped my heart out of my chest and I don't even know what to say to you. You are the biggest piece of shit I've ever met and I will hate you til the day I die!)

"I'm fine."

(I'm fine.)

Lies.

A means of Escape.

A cover to hide from the world.

Inches from death.

"How are you?"

" I'm fine... "

Please stop

Asking me questions

That I can only answer with

"I'm fine"

Because I don't trust you enough

To tell you the truth

Or the real answer

Would only hurt more

Than this lie

I'm fine, I swear. I'm just dying inside. I'm merely depressed and confused. About what I am living for. You don't need to care. I can take care of it.

I'm fine, I swear. I'm only sad about something that happened earlier today. I'm only feeling judged and empty. I'm not good enough. But you don't need to care. I can take care of it.

I'm fine, I swear. I'm just ugly, fat, and a failure. There's nothing wrong with you. It's me. I hate this world. But you don't really seem to care. 

I'm fine, I swear. I'm only useless, alone and insecure. I'm sick of crying all the time. But I'll smile for you. Do you care? 

I'm fine, I swear. I feel down sometimes, I promise I'll be better tomorrow. It's just a little bit of anxiety. You don't care.

I'm fine, I swear. Please leave me in my dark corner. I'll find hope someday. Why do you care?

I'm worthless. I'm not good enough. I'm judged, ugly, fat and a failure. I'm useless, alone and insecure. 

But I'm fine.

Believe me.

I'm fine.

The words "I´m fine"

They are a wall

A mask

Something to hide behind

The words "I´m fine"

Are said to stop any worry

Are polite

Are really a scream being contained inside

The words "I´m fine"

Really mean I want to talk

I need to talk

But I just cannot

The words "I´m fine"

Mean I am bored

I don´t feel as I should for you any more

Our love is dying on the vine

The words "I´m fine"

Come before the blood

They are but a sugar coating

For a little death

----------------------------------------------

© M.Withers/M.Strudwick . All rights reserved.

Both the name The EriduSerpent/EriduSerpent

and any written material is owned solely by the above named.

Permission granted for all written material to be shared but not for profit.

Printing or publishing is prohibited without seeking permission first from said owner.

We say it like we mean it,

When we hardly ever do.

It's the worst kind of guessing game,

If one wants to be left alone.

You want to help,

But you don't know how,

And it's eating you alive.

You stay silent.

You ignore it.

You try to hide concern and fear and pain.

You get a call.

You say goodbye.

Because you did nothing else.

Doing nothing is an action.

I hope you can live with yourself.