i can't believe i've been writing here since middle school and now i'm only a year out from graduating college. this place has helped give me reasons to stay alive. so many people have supported me here and i'm so, so grateful for the community. it has truly been a privilege to share my thoughts here instead of keeping them locked up in my mind. unfortunately, having become a paid platform, prose is no longer accessible for me. i will not be deleting my account but i will no longer be updating on it. in the future, updates will be on Poetry Farm, at the same username. it may take me some time to finish setting it up, and i may or may not re-upload everything i have posted on here. thank you for all these years, and if you choose to keep following my work, thank you! a final snippet for prose:

i write you my little rubies, make a ring and keep my mind forever.

ragdoll stares out the window

at the light she won't let touch her

someone's pounding on the glass

someone's pounding on the door

they're begging

but all she wants is to be tossed away already

someone begged first

someone went silent first

ragdoll's stuck in her body shell

head flops against the wall

ragdoll moves her head

and watches the view change

ragdoll was thrown away first

why is anyone trying to pick her up again?

someone is yelling for ragdoll

ragdoll is silent.

ragdoll feels a statue sometimes

wave after wave dashes against her shore

and ragdoll was carved once,

but now ragdoll is tired of it all.

ragdoll lays there

and this is resistance.

if ragdoll doesn't move

then ragdoll won't be noticed

ragdoll's eyes are beaded

and her cheeks sewn with tinsel

they're still pounding on the door

they're still pounding on the glass

ragdoll waits to be alone.

ragdoll wants to rot.

a stone in the river

somewhere between panic and apathy

fear batters me on all sides

do this, do that, it's urgent, the sirens are ringing

i sink deeper into the mire

it's late, let it get later, it's already too late

my heart pumps away

industrious little thing

and with each another arc

oil splatters across the scene

stains all it touches

leaves fingers and minds sticky

a little too slippery with thoughts

the birds are matted with it

their freedom gone

struggling to float

in my arterial spray

autumn withers,

and i with it

a single leaf flutters down,

and a snowflake follows

the wind howls in my chest,

and the sun sets soon.

the demand to share the terrible truth will not let me shut my mouth. let me spill, let the blood dry, iron crusting under your nails, i will not let you look away. you have brought me here and you will pay, you will pay in my blood, and you will watch, i will stain your soul, i will drench you in blood and you will never wash yourself clean. look into my eyes as the waters rise, see the despair you have never felt, and let her cold hands stroke down your neck, shoulders, back, she will hold you. let the absence of breath raise the hairs on your neck, let the prey become the predator. i will shatter you. i will flood you with death and you will drink of her draught. i will flood you with animal fear and you will not struggle, you will wilt under my gaze and we will burn. i am nothing and neither are you. hold me and i will show you the void, hold me and i will show you my pain. i will give you the underbelly, i will give you the knife, cut me apart and i will show you, cold and slick and revolting, you will learn the touch of death. i will guide your hands to my slaughter and you will watch me die, you will never be clean again. i will stain your soul, i will fill you with sinful blood. you will look into my eyes and see my despair, you will remember it forever, it will become yours. you will hold my gaze and hold my despair and you will drown with me. this is your indictment. you will hold the knife, and you will see your guilt. for you have sinned.

the visible body, the visible body,

it is visible, it is visible.

look away from this gasping fish

the quivering throat and all its arteries.

look away from this violent ocean,

breaking beauty into waste.

look away from this sack of lard

marker of burdensome womanhood.

look away from me,

look away from me,

stop seeing me.

don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.

if you don't see me, i'm not real,

it won't be real.

take your eyes off

and take "me" away.

dig my nails

into my arm

drag them down slowly

peeling behind their trails

strips of blank

yellowed gray

faded, faded

and pouring red

all i feel is

raw linoleum