every anxiety that i had

made me so afraid

i couldn't control myself

so i tried to control you

i held on so tightly

while i cracked inside and out

that i didn't realize

you were cracking, too

and now i'm regretting every single thing

i'm wishing i had you back

because i can't control anything, now

but i'm not making that mistake twice

all i want to say

all i can control

is what i say to you,

which would be an apology

and i'm so sorry

for hurting you

and i'll try my hardest

to never do it again

will you forgive me?

forget it, i don't deserve that

i just want to let you know

how sorry i am

i'll try my hardest to

never do it again

but i'm really sorry

and i hope you have a nice day

You wanted to leave,

but it didn't feel right.

I tried to keep you,

but I held on too tight.

So you broke away,

and I'm here to stay

all on my own.

alone.

It’s dark and cold

But the worst part isn’t that I’m alone

It’s that everybody else isn’t

They stare at me and whisper into each other ears

They point and laugh

They huddle together so I can’t read their lips

They make sure I’m alone

I hate being alone.

I grab onto others just to make sure they stay

Sometimes I don’t care who

I just want to make sure that I’ll be the one who’s okay

I’m selfish.

But it feels like it’s the only way I can survive

I tell myself that they’ll stay

But each time it’s always another lie

I hold on tight

Gripping them tighter and tighter

Until I feel something slipping,

Cracking,

Beneath my fingers

I can’t let go

But it’s too hard holding on

The cracks cut my skin

Leaving scars that have been there all along

They’ll leave me

I know they will

And then I’ll be back where I started

Back

All

alone.

Yeah. I was six. My dad was screaming at me, and I had a stick in my hand. It was holding it with both hands, and i didn't realise that i was breaking it. And then anger got ahold of me. I snapped it in half and this loud CRACK filled the courthouse. My dad stopped yelling at me, and that was that.

I only have a little time, such a little time for me to hold on to. The time I have suffocates me yet I continue to hold on with a deathly grip. You can't leave yet. I'm not ready.

You are the first to love me truly, the first to take care of me, and the first person I could hold onto.

But like all good things, I have to let go soon. I've come to the terms that you won't be here when I open my eyes again, that I won't have your love, your touch, your humor.

Buts its for the best, right? I need to let go, let you heal. Let me heal. And maybe we will meet again someday soon.

Memories good or bad. Is something you won't to let go of.

Just because It has created feelings. Feelings. That no one can see on the inside.

Of you.

Only your heart and mind knows what you can take.

It escapes through your eyes or your words.

Pictures, knick knacks, and stuff. Stuff we don't want to get rid of. Because it mean so much. We hold on tight to what others call "JUNK." What they don't see? Is the love? The love that we have for all this stuff. That we have acquired. Throught the years.

We keep the stuff that we love. From the ones we have lost and for the ones that remain. In our world full of treasured things. Holding on to every piece of memories. Memories that brought us "JOY."

For all those who are holding on to pain. It's not that easy. Letting go. To something that keeps you alive. As, soon as you let it go. You feel so empty on the inside. You pray, "Please God take this pain away." Somewhere, Somehow the pain is gone.

Then you start asking yourself. Why? Why did I hold on to this pain for so long? It never served you well. So, Now it can go to hell. Just like the one who put it there.

Just as you know you have a forgiving heart. To forgive and forget. Taking on life: A new.

A brand new life is awaiting you. No more cracks in your heart. Let go of all the pain that is gripping your heart and soul. Now your free to love yourself unconditionally.