Being with you was like walking on shards of glass.

When I fell for you they dug into my shoulders, into my hands and back, but I was still numb from your kiss.

Your touch was pain medication, your love a drug,

But the ache of the razors under my skin still shot through my nerves.

Pulling away from you was like ripping a page out of an old notebook,

The frayed edges still remained and the gap in the writing could never be perfectly fixed.

It has been years since we last spoke, but I still remember how your voice rivaled a songbird,

How your arms wrapped around me until I felt better.

Your touch was pain medication, your love a drug,

And without you, the pain hasn't gone.

I regret leaving,

I truly do.

But perhaps being apart,

Will be better for me and you.

I'm not worthy

Of your unending love,

Which I take for granted.

I don't want your trust

When I have broken it

So many times.

It appears as though

You're reaching

Across a chasm

Of my own making,

When I deem myself

Unworthy of your adoration.

You're too perfect

To love one such as I,

And you deserve

A better, loving half.

But I know,

I won't regret the time

We had together,

I'll only regret

Having to leave you and

All of our memories.

I was half way through my 5th beer

When I understood why your weren't here

After the lonely nights

Drunkin’ bar fights

Surprised I had you up till now

Don’t know why you stayed yet somehow

I knew, it was all to good to be true

Never hoped to be away from you

Thought I had it all

But I had nothing and am only waiting for your call

But my phone ain’t ringing and you ain’t coming back

I wronged a girl who didn't deserve it,

The first one to show affection for me;

I lit a flame but didn't preserve it,

'Twas snuffed by artificiality.

I set her free, giving her half a lie,

Forcing half into my own shallow brain.

Saying I liked her too much so goodbye.

Hoping the shame I felt outweighed her pain.

The regret comes up too many a-day,

Often as I reflect on past mistakes.

I've thought about ev'ry step of the way,

Honestly, honesty's all that it takes.

I was selfish, shallow, and immature;

I suppose I might be some of those still.

I try to be better, yet I'm unsure,

Can I fix what I've done with what I will?

the fact that I had to

does not make it hurt

any less

I keep checking the rear view mirror

and for missed calls

late in the night

I walked out.

You stood and watched.

I wanted you to stop me.

You didn't.

I looked back.

You wouldn't meet my eyes.

I cried .

You cried.

I wanted you to take me back.

You wanted me to come back.

I couldn't move on.

You wouldn't move on.

I was alone.

You were alone.

I wished our story didn't have to end.

You knew it was over.

I relived our journey.

You moved on to the next chapter.

I was sad but,

You were finally happy

A warm autumnal day long ago

I broke free of my familial jail

Took a long ride north to where my adulthood sat waiting

It was a quiet ride,

One filled with questions and concerns

I must have answered but mostly I remember sitting there thinking:

Do Not Cry.

This is what YOU want.

Time to grow up.

I took so little with me.

I wasn't allowed a car or a phone.

And I wasn't allowed to come home until Thanksgiving break.

For years I bitterly looked back on that day as a memory of how much my parents wanted me gone. Which has always been true of my mother. 

But my Dad, he was stoic. He didn't let me see him cry. And he's man enough now that I have kids to have told me it was the worst day of his life. I regret leaving him behind. He's a good man. I just can't live with her and deal with her shit, so I left. He doesn't blame me....but does miss me and my family. 

I know you were more than that

I know you deserved more

I knew it then, and I know it now

The way we were, as children, as people

Was something different than what anyone else had

We always had each others backs, no matter what

Other friends, they had their troubles

So did we, but it didn't seem like it to us

We went together everywhere, no matter what

I always in your shadow, not because you overpowered me

But because that is where I chose to stay, safe and comfortable

We were inseparable for years, and then suddenly

I was in a place you couldn't follow

And I left youI'm sorry 

Wrong stop.

It didn't have to be inevitable;

we're both to blame for this mess,

but it's a hard pill to swallow

when you realize that

you left your soul on a playground

and forgot how to sing

or what you really look like

underneath the grime and dinge,

how the last time you felt yourself

was when your swing wasn't in a dumpster

and your house wasn't charred

and all the flowers still bloomed

in your old backyard

and you knew who you were

what you wanted

even where you needed to go

yet somehow you forgot that

and you didn't know 

what your name meant anymore

but things don't have to stay forgotten

not all memories are put to rest

and the real me, or you, was still

beating in my chest

waiting for the day you'd search

for her again

and for your name to light up

a room like only you can.

At first contact, our eyes spoke for us.

The room was filled with its own machinations.

We observed on the balcony the creation of dusk

while others performed their own casual flirtations.

Our first conversation was that of legend.

Not quite that of a generational love song,

but it was enough to alter our hearts’ dimensions,

paving the highway of a connection seeming strong.

Fast forward the show to some point in the future

where such conversations no longer exist.

One too many shouts and door slams became our tutors,

but miscommunications should have been something to resist.

It is a rite of passage to grieve, perhaps even a perfected art

to learn there is nothing so whole as that of a broken heart.