"Don't take this the wrong way but I am naked

Exposing myself to the world and showing everyone what it's like to be me

I'm not tryna be Hannah Baker, I don't need to explain my 13 reasons why they're the reason why I died

I mean I've been struggling with crippling depression

I've tried to show different individuals but they were neglecting my cry for help

I often lock myself in a room with tears falling down my face and slob coming out my mouth

I often tried shouting but ain't no words coming out

And when I find the courage to explain it to important people in my life but they often replied with "What the fuck you talking about?"

So now I walk around with my heart closed and a fake smile

Pushing away any person that tries to come around

I say fuck Mother Earth and every person living on it

I have no control over my life

It's like I went and pawned it to the devil

For a minute I had some very close friends and everything seemed like it would be fine

But people change and I'm not surprised

Guess the devils working overtime

Guess the devils using all his power to make sure I'm alone

No one to reach out to or talk to on the phone

My life's on a steep slope and I'm falling at a rapid rate

Guess you see where this is going

Now I'm choosing my own fate

It's the only thing in life I have control over

I could try to get over but I know the devils lurking over my shoulder

So if you receive this letter before the end of the night

You're probably too late reading it because I'm killing my self tonight"

Walking down the street I see another dead body

Blood leaking

His fam found him hidden in an alley

I think to myself just another life lost so society

A victim of black on black crime or police brutality

When I go to check it out I'm surprised that the way he went out was to take his own life

Cuts to both sides of his arms, yeah that's how this man died

Crazy so many years in his life and no one knew he was committing suicide

I wish I could grab his soul as tell him that's not the way to go out

But at the same time I understand what he was about

Cause for a while I was depressed and thinking suicidal thoughts

I often pondered if it was worth it and often thought bout the cost

I can understand that his only option was no option

It hurts being stuck in a life you had no intention of adopting

He was probably there all by himself

Looking for someone else to help

Revealing to people everyday but he was often ignored so he had to end it all

He probably could've been a lawyer or starred in basketball

But from my perspective ain't no telling what made this man fall

Ain't no telling what's going on behind closed doors

And just like that couple, people only seem to care when it's all said and done

I wish I had met him sooner this could've all been avoided

Take the devil off his shoulder and remind him that he has choices

Depression seems to latch on to people that hurt the most

It constantly haunts you like a demon or a ghost

And I can tell that this man had his mask on, being 2 faced showing a fake smile

Outside he showed happiness but on the inside he was down

And I bet it hurt even worst when he begged people for help

But they all have masks too just like everyone else

He had no control over his life like he pawned it to the devil

Helped wasn't received so he lived his life in peril

But shit at least he tried to reveal it all

It's other people that needs to take their masks off

Welcome to Ameri-K-K-KA

Land of the damned and home of the enslaved

A place where land is worth more than a fair trade

And someone's final destination is either in jail or in a grave

We live in a place so socially divided that we love to judge someone on their culture, but could never judge ourselves

We are also divided by poor and wealth where the rich people can live in mansions but the less fortunate has to fend for themselves

We live solely off our government, but let me not get into that

If I talk too much they'll surely have it out for my ass

We live in a land that used to be segregated by color but now even the white folks can call niggers brothers

Welcome to Ameri-K-K-Ka, home of the KKK

Not the people you used to hear on the news everyday

No, the people that you walk pass crossing the street

Yes, I mean every single individual that you meet

Take African Americans for instance

We are so hell bent on destruction that we're killing our own race

Let's forget the government placing guns and weapons in our towns, they did that so we can die off at our own pace

We live in the land of opportunity but opportunity never arrives for refugees

They can't cross into our border and if they can you'd find them on the streets homeless, cold - looking for something to eat

They're too broke to even apply for government cheese

Yes we live in America where you see a mixture of races, but mostly whites

You see black people but the vast majority of them like to get into fights

It seems like everyone can come together and fight for social injustice

But do nothing when a leader causes warfare with just a push of a button

Yes, welcome to America, the greatest country in the world

Where we don't hold back any boy or girl

We just let them act a fool and make them famous cause while doing it "they look cool"

We live on a land where Native Americans live on refugee camps and homeless veterans gets no type of respect

Depressed people are often neglected

And bills to enhance our lives are often rejected

We're trying to be a light of hope but that's the opposite of what we're manifesting

Religion often divides us along with money and power

Christians judge others and send them all downwards

Hey.. I bet people in Flint still can't take a shower

I bet Native Americans been stopping that pipeline for hours

But hey don't pay attention to that, watch this

A cute little doggie can do a backflip

Better yet, stray bullets killed 3 kids

Not only that but there's a new virus that's making everyone sick

But on to brighter things there's a giraffe that's pregnant

Oh she finally had her baby? Better late that never

So let's forget about bs like that and find out what the government has done behind our backs

Hello, this is America where voices are left unspoken

And every rise to power is often left broken

But don't be afraid we're the greatest country ever

And just like a church the doors to our country are open

Welcome to America

When they come for you, I will shield your name

I will field their questions, I will feel your pain

No one can judge

They don't, they don't know

They don't know

It's crazy that it's 2017 and we're still called "Niggers"

We are also called savages but we weren't the ones who pulled the trigger and dragged out ancestors on a boat filled with death, rape, and liquor to a country that wouldn't have survived if we haven't gotten there quicker

But you know what.. we always gone be labeled

We ain't worth shit to other people

I mean just a few hundred years ago we were three-fifths less of a man and when we finally became whole, segregation was the plan

And when that didn't work, drugs invaded the land

And when the drugs couldn't kill us, they put guns in people's hands

They'd do anything to keep us quiet or have us looking like a fool

Cause not so long ago, they thought we were bafoons

And not to long before that, they thought we were some tools

But way before that, we were treated like jewels

See our problem is that we don't look back into our African roots and see that we are royalty, there is a god inside of every one you

And since we are all gods we are all due for a blessing

I know life is hard now but that's enough of the stressing

Cause life can take unexpected turns and that dark bridge that you're on will soon be burned

It's been years since I've seen the real you

Your mom and daddy always argued and it's got to you too

I've tried to set you free from the abuse, but you stayed

Honestly I didn't think I would effect you this way

So why... why do you stay?

Why don't you leave?

Why don't you break from the shackles and set yourself free?

It's because you love me

Because you love me

It's been three years since I've seen you actually smile

Your daddy was the same way and look where he is now - 6 feet under

I'm telling you I'm not the one to mess with

If you keep pushing yourself on me you're gonna be the one that regrets it

Honestly, this feeling was supposed to be temporary

You've abused me too much and now you remain stationary

I can't believe that you chose me, I was supposed to be secondary

Just a thought in the back of your head

Out of all the solutions you chose me instead

Why though?

You know I'm no good

I confess there was a time back when I loved you but now I've seen what I've done to you

I'm sorry

I should've never let you notice me at that party

You should've just stayed in the books and never listened to the malarkey

I mean... I feel bad cause you couldn't even find your car key

So you just found more reason to abuse and get off me

You even forgot your own baby in the car seat

So DCFS had to come and take him away from his mommy

I'm so heartless

There's no reason for my existence

And even though I've tried to set you free you go against my better wishes

Please go

You don't wanna make the same mistake that your daddy did

Please go to rehab, I don't wanna see you dead

I don't want you to ever use me again

Get better, get your son back and get away from those people you call friends

Hurry! Please do it before it's to late

If you keep treating me like how you are, I'd hate to see what would come of your fate

Cause see, I like to mess up lives

I like to mess with your system, that's how your daddy died

I like to take form of abuse in a man

I would mess up your whole life if I ever get the chance

So why are you still here?

Just leave me be..

I'm more of a fallback than an asset, don't you see?

I'm more worse than how people explain me on the tv

So please, I'm giving you this chance... to let go.. and be free

Let me rap to you real quick...

I wanna take you around the world, show you the sights like field trips

I wanna go down on you if you'd just sign the permission slip

I wanna explore your museum, take occasional visits

Take a look at your exhibits, enjoy the good and the bad, not ones you have to mention

On a scale of 1-10, you're worth more than a dime-ond

Your beauty is worth more than any rock that I could find

No amount of pressure I add to any rock could create the perfect diamond to show that I want you to be mine

I wanna get to know you for the first time, again

We may have grown up together but still

I wanna rub your feet, massage your back, you name it

Stay up all night talking, does that seem like a deal?

I wanna make you feel special on any given day

Not just Christmas, or Valentines, or Mothers, or your birthday

You mean more to me than simple gifts

A smile on your face gives me more strength than when I pray

I'd show you my feelings rather than try to tell you something that's so hard to explain

Cause I, I, I - I love you like a fat kid loves cake

You're sweeter than any flavor that I had the pleasure to taste

The amount of icing on another won't make me sway

I wanna hold your hand on the beach and kiss you under the sun

Make love under the trees

Give you a special treat, chocolates the flavor of the week

Don't worry about no other females just stay focused on me

Your love is like crack, how addictive it can be

It puts a smile on my face to see a smile of another

Whether it's the birth of a child or a chance to see your brother after he's been locked away for being a cocaine smuggler smuggling crack rock to his mother, oh brother

It puts a smile on my face again and again to see you always win

It puts a smile on my face to at least see you grin

It puts a smile on my face to see how hard your life is for you to smile but you smile anyway

Especially since the other day you were contemplating suicide and getting away from the mayhem

You build a wall over your emotions hoping you never have to show them

But I come through with the iron fists of Jericho pummeling through every brick made to stand between you and I

Because you put the biggest smile on my face whenever I see you cry

I can wipe away your tears and tell you everything's gonna be better

So hold it together

You shine brighter than any diamond whenever it glistens

And even if you aren't a Christian I can preach to you that blessings come in an instant

See no matter what you go through, you'll always find a reason to smile

No matter the issue, or how long you've been it

If I can find motivation just by listening to Chance Bennett, then I'm sure you can find motivation in life from the people that's in it

You started the race, I hope you finish

I hear you've became distant from us, I hope you didn't

You're worth more than what you're putting yourself through, all those negative emotions that you've hidden

You're a part of a prophecy in this cole world

Doesn't matter if you're man, woman, boy, or girl

Everybody has a life that's worth living for, so don't settle thinking that you're a False Prophet

Don't judge yourself for the amount of money that's in your pocket

Don't be scared to be the person you've always wanted

Don't be afraid to smile in the darkest of times cause there's always a light shown in the darkest of places

In this world you're gonna see a bunch of faces

Could be a child with a deformity or a crooked smile that requires braces

Seeing them push through gives me motivation enough to make it

Because their smile is what saves me from dangerous places

No matter how many times you get knocked down, you gotta stand tall

You gotta keep getting back up no matter how many times you fall

Cause again, blessings come in an instant even when you feel like you can't finish

That's just the magic of life, the beauty of it all

I'm not perfect...

I'm nothing more than a disrespectful illegitimate idiot who don't give a shit about other people's feelings..

Crazy part is I thought i was the good guy by being the guy who'd let others lean on them

Shit.. well jokes on them

I can't even go a day without hurting someone close to me

Or breaking their heart

Giving them the cold shoulder and watch their life fall apart

It's shameful on my part

How can I be the savior if I can't save people who rely on me

Put their trust in me

Hold me close dear

I can't look them in their eyes and say they have nothing to fear when I'm worse than fear itself

Hateful eyes staring at me from every corner cause they know I ain't shit

Probably thinking to themselves, "You son of a bitch. I'd wish you'd hang yourself or crash your car in a ditch. Matter fact, just disappear and don't leave a note or a tip."

Who am I to argue

All I can say is that I'm sorry for not being the person you thought I was

Shit I feel sorry for my damn self

I don't even wanna show my face cause I know those eyes can burn flesh

Just their looks alone can kill whatever part of me is left

Truth is.. I don't need no one feeling bad for me

Trying to offer me pity and throw jabs at me

I attack myself enough and when I say that "I'm good" y'all can call on my bluff

Just let me be by myself... just me and myself

I'm tired of living, I cry, I hear it's easy to die

I wanna see for myself

And I don't give a damn if that may sound crazy to everyone else

I'm depressed as fuck

Stressed as fuck

Ain't no type of meds that could heal me from this bust

I don't believe in God so there goes that choice

He's probably not even listening to the sound of my voice

It won't even matter how many times that I pray

He's probably too busy tending to someone else anyway...

Honestly, I think the world is better off without me

And I wanted to find world peace, but y'all can find it without me

I wanted to grow and have children, at least 3

But that's much like world peace, it's nothing more than a dream

And my mind's spinning, this is the line finish

Truth is, I don't care how they feel about my feelings

I made up my mind, I'm going out like Robin Williams

I guess I'm not the Ordinary People of John Legend

And I've been suicidal since the day I was five

Okay, the day I was five

I've been tired of feeling like this can't stay out the fire

I should take one last moment in the mirror and reflect..

Reflect on how not perfect I am

The one person that could help me I can't even talk to cause he's dead

So what's the point of me even typing or wasting lead

When me in a coffin is a better note to read instead...

Just know it's a new day

But if you reading this

Then it's probably too late...

Im not perfect..

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

No weapon will ever have the chance of piercing my beautiful black skin

No weapon will kill the innocent person that I am within

Tell me why is it such a sin for me to be black?

Why am I constantly attacked by a person whose really no different than me with the exception of the color of their skin and the thoughts in their brain

Having me going insane thinking its such a wrong for me to be this way

My skin tone is as brown as a penny but when I see another person of a different color come through, I immediately become a double sided coin - I'm two faced

Why?

Because I have been brainwashed to believe that they hold more value than me

Tell me how does a penny hold weight to a quarter?

Do I have to collect 24 other pennies to outshine that one quarter or does my penny shine bright on its own?

Why do I constantly have to have my camera on to visually show police committing the crimes that the law doesn't condone?

It's all bs and let me tell you why

The people higher up doesn't wanna see you survive

They can make a crispy dollar by adding up four quarters

Yet I can't even get another penny to stand in my corner

We, the pennies, just sit back and let the quarters lie and watch the nickels and dimes head over to their side

And now we're sitting here wondering why they're increasing in value while we remain the same

But the truth of the matter is - they know how to cooperate - we're digging our own graves

They're constantly sipping that British tea while the only drinks we get is from our blood, sweat, and tears

If I'm a penny, im honestly Abe..l (able) to accomplish more than what they think

Make a bet on it - heads or tails?

Now I may not be as valuable as the Jeffersons or the Roosevelts and the Washingtons but when I rise up I'll turn my back like Lincoln

If i feel like I'm right, then I will never about-face and go left

I'll take a stand before I get shot down like John F. Kennedy

I'll walk right to that booth and be the first to cast my vote, word to Susan B. Anthony

Even though I'm a penny, I have gained currency to throw my opinion out there on the current, see

I may be one when it comes to value, but my voice is strong

It won't be long before I start finding coins in the couch to add up

Even a quarter, or hell, 4 quarters can't even stand up to us

I'll keep circulating change until I go bankrupt or they take me out of the circulation

I can never have my face on a 20 like Harriet Tubman will but I promise that I'll block the ball when they try to pass another bill that'll destroy the will of a black man

No matter how hard they try, they won't be able to condemn my voice

You can listen by choice but here's a penny for your thoughts

Next time you wanna turn face against me, just make sure it's not a double sided coin before we have this coin toss

My little cuddle bug, I love it when you are near

Baby you will never have to fear about being alone cause til now and even in our graves I will always be here

From your home to wherever I'll be I swear we'll always be connected

Never will I ever make your love feel rejected

I promise to never allow you to have any moment where you feel neglected

I'll hold you down baby and for sure you'll never regret it

You smile amazes me and brightens my whole world

For now until forever you will be my only girl

That is until we feel like we're ready and do the nasty

In 9 months time she'll be born and she'll grow to call you mommy

You are the love of my life and it's amazing how I've latched onto you this quick

Again I am forever yours so don't start doubting that shit

Your kiss felt like magic as I wished you good luck

I wouldn't trade that for anything, not even a billion bucks

Whenever you're down I promise to you that I'll always be here

I'll be the shoulder that you'll cry on

I will hug you so tightly

You deserve a title that holds more value than wifey

You are my queen and I hold you higher than no other

The only one higher is my dear mother

Nothing in this world is too good for you my boo

From now til forever I promise to always love you

Your smile is like no other

When those dimples show, everyone stops and stares

You may be the shortest crop in the field but I promise to God you're the most beautiful one there

Your love is like a chemical reaction the way you have my heart exploding

A beautiful life with you in years to come is the dream that I'm hoping for

But before that, we have to grind

Let me be yours and you can be mine

Together in time, we'll be a couple so divine

You'll mature like wine in a bottle that shines

Ill be your prince but without the shining armor

Cause I'm willing to live or die protecting your honor

I'll make the necessary sacrifices to make sure that you're good

And perhaps one day get you out the hood and into those beautiful homes that are in the woods

I'll be the light that shines in your darkness

Make a mark on your soul like Blues Clues, here is my paw print

We can have a family and be sweet to our kids like chocolate

And make love to each other like we have no other option

I can look into your eyes and see a girl that dreams big

You can watch me in my sleep and see that I dream lucid

Allow me to make myself a part of your dream and I'll do my best to keep you happy and not make any excuses

You are the fire that burns in my soul

In my eyes, you are nothing but perfect

Here is my heart for you to keep, you deserve it

I may be gone for four long years but once I return the time spent will be worth it

Cause you're someone worth waiting for