I’m Not Perfect

I'm not perfect...

I'm nothing more than a disrespectful illegitimate idiot who don't give a shit about other people's feelings..

Crazy part is I thought i was the good guy by being the guy who'd let others lean on them

Shit.. well jokes on them

I can't even go a day without hurting someone close to me

Or breaking their heart

Giving them the cold shoulder and watch their life fall apart

It's shameful on my part

How can I be the savior if I can't save people who rely on me

Put their trust in me

Hold me close dear

I can't look them in their eyes and say they have nothing to fear when I'm worse than fear itself

Hateful eyes staring at me from every corner cause they know I ain't shit

Probably thinking to themselves, "You son of a bitch. I'd wish you'd hang yourself or crash your car in a ditch. Matter fact, just disappear and don't leave a note or a tip."

Who am I to argue

All I can say is that I'm sorry for not being the person you thought I was

Shit I feel sorry for my damn self

I don't even wanna show my face cause I know those eyes can burn flesh

Just their looks alone can kill whatever part of me is left

Truth is.. I don't need no one feeling bad for me

Trying to offer me pity and throw jabs at me

I attack myself enough and when I say that "I'm good" y'all can call on my bluff

Just let me be by myself... just me and myself

I'm tired of living, I cry, I hear it's easy to die

I wanna see for myself

And I don't give a damn if that may sound crazy to everyone else

I'm depressed as fuck

Stressed as fuck

Ain't no type of meds that could heal me from this bust

I don't believe in God so there goes that choice

He's probably not even listening to the sound of my voice

It won't even matter how many times that I pray

He's probably too busy tending to someone else anyway...

Honestly, I think the world is better off without me

And I wanted to find world peace, but y'all can find it without me

I wanted to grow and have children, at least 3

But that's much like world peace, it's nothing more than a dream

And my mind's spinning, this is the line finish

Truth is, I don't care how they feel about my feelings

I made up my mind, I'm going out like Robin Williams

I guess I'm not the Ordinary People of John Legend

And I've been suicidal since the day I was five

Okay, the day I was five

I've been tired of feeling like this can't stay out the fire

I should take one last moment in the mirror and reflect..

Reflect on how not perfect I am

The one person that could help me I can't even talk to cause he's dead

So what's the point of me even typing or wasting lead

When me in a coffin is a better note to read instead...

Just know it's a new day

But if you reading this

Then it's probably too late...

Im not perfect..