I have waited

my whole life

for her

All of the

heartbreak

and tears

and leaving

and broken promises

and expectation that was

never met

and the hurt

and the lonely

and the days spent

crying on floors

lamenting the fact

that of all the things

I am grateful for

that one particular person

has yet to show face

until one day

she did

And it made

my teeth ache

and my heart beat

and my blood pump

and my toes numb

and the snow fall

and work to call

us both off

and the Universe

to grant us

a day to just

share

and drink

and read

and sleep

and kiss

and talk shit

ever so lovingly

and probably

overstay my welcome

and wake up

to trains coming

the second you stop

looking for 'em

And me praying to whothefuckever

that I haven't shown

my bones

too much

or my ways

or my heart

or my blood

and if I did

I feel so blessed

that it was you

who saw

whose eyes

I got to reveal myself to

whose breath I may have bated

and whose heart may have been

grabbed at

by those hands

that I love

that you try so hard

never to draw attention to

I am trying to convince myself that nothing will happen

That most people aren't like me

That most people can have sex

Like it's nothing

I guess it comes from

a selfish place

I know I'm not

the only one

who has bent

your spine

and pressed

my hands

on your pale

pages

and it makes me sick

to think

about it

for too long

I want to ask

you to do something

like go to breakfast

or go to lunch

please do not

spend time

with him

while the moon

is in the sky

and intention

is in the air

because as much as

I love her

that moon makes me

do things

without ever really

knowing why

I think you prefer men

you have been with them

more

And remark about them

more

And it makes me feel

like my skateboard

is about to fly out

from under me

and I may come

crashing down

On my hip

whispering to myself

"I should have

known better"

I woke up before

the sun

paced sixty-six and a half paces

before dawn broke

my hands

are so swollen

from years of taking out

all my anxiety on them

crack 'em

sweat 'em

bite 'em

nick 'em

place 'em

lick 'em

bend 'em

extend 'em

play 'em

write 'em

hold 'em

hurt 'em

shoot up in 'em

you can see

the family resemblance

in more than just

our sad eyes

even our veins

are trying to escape