if i only had a dick

I am trying to convince myself that nothing will happen

That most people aren't like me

That most people can have sex

Like it's nothing

I guess it comes from

a selfish place

I know I'm not

the only one

who has bent

your spine

and pressed

my hands

on your pale

pages

and it makes me sick

to think

about it

for too long

I want to ask

you to do something

like go to breakfast

or go to lunch

please do not

spend time

with him

while the moon

is in the sky

and intention

is in the air

because as much as

I love her

that moon makes me

do things

without ever really

knowing why

I think you prefer men

you have been with them

more

And remark about them

more

And it makes me feel

like my skateboard

is about to fly out

from under me

and I may come

crashing down

On my hip

whispering to myself

"I should have

known better"