Life is a delicate balance

That come with a painful fall

It’s perilous and scary

It encompasses us all.

When life is out of balance

there is chaos and grief

gripping loneliness and sorrow

needs you refused to see.

We fight the same battles

of time, wants and needs

Yet I always give it to you

but you never give it to me.

I don’t know what it is

that makes us want to stay

but how much do I have to take

before I just walk away?

The differences between us

What we want, how we feel

Doesn’t seem to connect us

like it did once before.

I feel the distance between us

it makes me question me, you, us

I want your love, your touch

I want you to want me just as much.

I look for the connection

that we once shared

As I watch it fade into the mist

I question all of it.

Did it ever really exist?

I think about my life sometimes

and the things I can’t undo

I just want to run and hide

because I don’t know what to do.

I think about the reasons

the problems that exist

but I see the possibilities too

and it’s so hard to resist.

I think I do you what is right

for those I love and know

but I always seem to mess it up

no matter which way I go.

I think my mind is a prison sometimes because of the way my thoughts can go

it makes it hard to see the path

I know I need to follow.

I think about my own faults

my issues and my fears

sometimes I feel like no one listens

no one really hears.

I think sometimes I hear myself say

don’t give up, you can’t give in

but it’s so hard to believe that voice because I just never seem to win.

Sorrow’s run deep

it makes you want to cry

To give up and give in

to not even want to try.

I run and I chase

for what I don’t know

I know I am tired

it’s time to let go.

As much as I feel

as much as I care

I can’t keep pretending

that what we had is still there.

I know complications, chaos and change

is all part of the blame game

I gave you my all in spite of the cost

You checked out on me

and I think I lost.

We can place the blame

back on each other

but I am done fighting

so let’s not even bother.

I feel lonely I feel sad

I feel silenced and gagged

I feel anger I feel choked

I feel rebuked and provoked

I feel so confused

Why can’t you see

All of these feelings you

Invoke within me

There is a rift, a crack

A broken piece

I can’t be the only one

Who really sees

You want me quiet

Not to think, not to feel

You just brush me off

Like it’s no big deal

I can’t speak

And you don’t hear

How I feel makes

Just makes you disappear

I feel invisible and ignored

More times than I can count

You don’t even see me

Why am I still around?

I try and I try

To do as you wish

I make all the sacrifices

But what do I really get?

I ask for time and attention

You say it’s too much

I beg and I plead with you

Can this really be love?

I love you so much

I truly do

and if you are gone

I don’t know what I will do.

You captured my heart

You captured my soul

I know without a doubt inside

I don’t want to let you go.

I know I’m not an easy one to love

I know I’m flawed in many ways

I know I’m difficult and crazy too

But I am not me without you.

I know I’m needy.

I know I ask for so much

I know that I miss you

when you’re away

So very very much.

I want to keep us.

Not go separate ways

But with or with out you

please always know

My love for you will never fade

No matter which way we may go.

20 years ago

I became your mom

I had no idea just how to be one.

There’s so much more

To being a parent you see

Than clothe, bathe, feed and repeat.

I’ve watched you learn

So many things.

I’ve seen you struggle

To stand on your own two feet.

I’ve watched you laugh, be silly and free.

I’ve seen you cry, be angry and feel defeat.

Through all of this I’ve been by your side I’ve watched you become

The kindest young man that I know.

As you set out on your own

You’ll face many things

Trials and tribulations

Happiness and grief.

I want you to remember my sweet dear boy

I’ll always be here for you

I’ll always be your mom.

The life I lead

Is not what I see

Everytime I catch a glimpse

Of the real me.

I'm tired of the anger

I'm tired of the greed

I'm tired of hoping

That you want to be with me.

I'm tired of the fighting

I'm tired of the fear

Of saying something

That you may not want to hear.

I'm tired of the waiting

I'm tired of the same

I'm tired of wishing

You'd look at me again.

I'm tired of the talking

I'm tired of the walls

I'm tired of all of this

Just tired of it all.

And as much as I see it

And I try to deny

I can plainly see

What is before my eyes.

I don't like to think about it

Because I don't want it to be

But what I fear that I feel

Is the end of you and me.

Life is given

Not by chance

Its not a death sentence

But a sweet lovely dance

Yet I feel such sorrow

As I look around

I see what I want

But I’m chained to the ground.

Fear has its hand around my throat

With each squeeze I can feel

My true self erode

I know it’s me

Who can make the change

To let go of the fear

That has kept me chained

Give me the strength

Show me the way

Because I’m so very tired

of living this way.

I miss you

I need you

Just hold me close

Tell me you love me

And never let go

Stay with me always

Through fire and rain

Through happiness and love

And sometimes the pain

My promise to you here and now

With all my heart and soul

I will do the same for you

And never let you go

Here I sit

It's dark and gloomy

I can feel the storm

That is brewing

The sun is blocked

Hidden from view

I sit here thinking

I don’t know what to do

I want things I can’t have

With my life in pieces

And look what I have

I see their faces

All of them I see

I need them

And they need me

My life is not

What it seems

Because inside

I scream and scream

I hate feeling weak

I hate feeling need

I hate it because

I am the broken me

I wish things were different

I want them to be

But can you see

How scared that makes me?

I feel the chasm

That’s formed between us

It makes me wonder

Is this the end for us?

I love you with all that I am

I can’t give you promises

Not where things stand

That makes me hurt

And it comes with the pain

Of how unfair this is

But still we remain

Will you stay?

Will you accept me?

I am sorry I can’t give you

all that you need.

I’m sorry that this…

This is me