It wasn't the first time I'd killed a human. A drunk at the bar started up with me shortly after the incursion. He called us Watchers, not believing that we'd remained human after we were touched. When he bolstered that we should be run out of the colony, he attacked me and my brother with the glass bottle from one of Divern’s home-brewed specials. I blacked out then, too. Lucky for me, the colony dismissed the claims as self defense. The attacker, Jim Crandall, was the town drunk anyway-which I'm sure helped my case. A war hero’s word was worth more than a hundred Jim Crandalls.

The next day Grisham put the pieces back together, and it hurt like hell. But not worse than it did now. I thought at the time that the pain was because he was still learning how to use his abilities. But the reality was, the more painful the memory, the worse it hurt when it was restored. I'd learned that repressed memories didn’t often want to be recalled. The pain of the recall was one that I was not willing to endure most of the time. But I had no choice in this particular matter. I had to relive the death of Jim Crandall to tell the colony what I'd done. I had to justify it or face exile.

The Colony found it easy to forgive me for the murder of Jim Crandall with the incursion still fresh in their minds. I’d saved enough lives to forgive the murder I’d committed. Although, the look in Brody Crandall's eyes made it clear he wouldn’t forgive as easily as the rest of the colony. Even though he fought alongside me, I had no doubt that Jim Crandall’s son would kill me if he ever got the chance.

Aside from what I'd done to Jim Crandall, I was able to avoid facing the recollections. If no one came to find me for the wrong I'd caused, then I left the memories locked away. I only accepted Grisham's help if I had no other choice. As time went on, he stopped offering. The times he did offer, I'd often wondered if there was something he wanted me to see. Something that wasn't quite murder, but a memory he wanted to show me for some other reason. But my penchant for self-preservation was stronger than my desire for truth, so I never asked.

Most often, my goal was to get wasted enough that the memories of the incursion didn’t pain me, so I never asked for Grisham's help. Seeing the Alpha suck the soul from my brother and my comrades that night plagued my nightmares. I watched my comrades turn into the scaled beasts before cutting them down. I waited for my brother's body to turn and prepared to cut him down too. Seeing my brother lying lifeless took something from me. I had nothing left to lose when I thought I saw him die. It was a feeling I couldn't escape. The anger and grief that swept over me then propelled me into the savage Divern needed to stop the incursion that day. But seeing his vacant gaze reminded me of my mother. It haunted me just as hers did when I found her body.

My mother had died shortly before I joined the Facet corps. When I got home from school, the door to our home was ajar. I called to her, but she didn't answer. The kitchen table was thrown onto its side and she was lifeless on the floor beside it. Her vacant green eyes were open and opaque. Her red hair was torn from her braid and matted. I grabbed her arms to shake her and my heart sank when I felt how cold she was. I cried out for her until a neighbor eventually came to pull me away. When they took her body to cremation, I saw the bruises on her neck. The report said that a home invader broke in and strangled my mother, but took nothing from us. I joined the corps the next day.

“Vellum!” I yelled to him with venom in my voice. He sat on his horse on the opposite side of the road. He stared at me from beneath his messy black hair. The shadows cast over his eyes made him seem even more distant. His gaze was hard and unforgiving as if he regretted nothing that had happened or that was to come.

“Give it back to me!” I yelled.

He stared at me, not uttering a word.

“You son of a bitch!” I screamed. “Give me my pipe!”

I tossed Grisham to the side and stumbled to my feet.

“It doesn't belong to you!” I shouted.

Vellum dismounted in a single movement and stood before me. I was mere inches from him when I looked up at his face. I breathed heavily and fought to keep steady, swaying under a bout of nausea, but quickly regained my composure.

“Where is it?” I said through clenched teeth to fight the rolling in my stomach.

He continued to stare, voiceless. His silence enraged me. I felt heat rising in my chest and squeezing my throat. My eyes honed in on his face, unwavering and emotionless. Like a statue cut from the finest, harshest marble.

“Do you want me to suffer, then? You don't care if I'm in pain? You'll just watch me go mad? What a laugh you'll have, watching me lose my mind!” I screamed.

When he said nothing this time, I felt myself tip over the edge. I let myself topple over the cliff of rationality into a free fall of panic. I grabbed Vellum by his blue canvas Wayfinder's jacket. I dug my fingers into it and gripped with what strength I had left.

He said nothing, his expression unchanged. I gave him a forceful shake, but he scarcely moved.

“Rue, please calm down,” Grisham pleaded and spoke from behind me.

“Leave her,” Vellum said coldly.

“Grisham, help me get it back from him! Come on, help me!” I cried as fresh tears fell from my cheeks.

“I can't, Rue. It's for the best.” Grisham replied.

“What? You're abandoning me? Don't you care about me? How could you do this to me? I'm the only family you have left! Do you want to lose me, too? To be alone here?” I said. I turned to Grisham and felt a hand grip my wrist.

“Your fight is with me, Runel. Leave your brother. He's doing only what I've asked him to do.” Vellum said, releasing my wrist when I turned back towards him.

“Did you really turn my own brother against me?” I spoke through sobs and grabbed his jacket again. Without thinking, I started digging through his pockets. He didn't stop me. I rifled through every pocket. I dropped his iron knuckles to the ground and found nothing else. All of his pockets were empty.

Completely empty.

I looked up at him, warm tears falling from my eyes and trickling down my face like salty streams of despair. Their presence was a reflection of my terror. I knew what a sober night would bring me. I could hear the voices laughing at me now. There would be nothing to stop them from driving me mad.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I whimpered. Never had I felt so helpless, so alone. My own brother had turned his back on me. If anyone understood my suffering, it should be him. He let this stranger convince him to abandon me so easily. I felt our love slipping away as I embraced my anger.

Vellum said nothing as I pounded his chest and thrashed against him, screaming, “I hate you!”

I kept screaming and slamming into him until I nearly fell to the ground. He caught me before my knees touched the earth beneath us. His strong arms wrapped around my torso. I fought to break free, but he refused to release me. He hugged me tightly, and I cried like I've never cried before. I screamed out, a worldly expression of the pain in my chest. Every inch of my body ached as if I'd die right there in his arms.

“I'll die without it.” I sobbed into his chest.

“No, you won't.” He replied. I felt the vibration of his deep voice like the purr of a cat trying to calm me.

My body loosened, and I came to my feet. Once I regained stability, Vellum let me go. I wiped my face and looked around. Shelby, Burke, and Grisham stared at us. No words escaped their lips.

“I hate you.” I said to Vellum.

“I hate ALL of you.” I muttered as I walked past them and grabbed Copper by the reins. I led her directly into the woods.

I would find that Indigo on my own. Even if it killed me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rue, wait!”

Hearing Grisham call out behind me made me feel sick. He betrayed me. He turned his back on me when I needed him. Eventually, his voice faded away, and I was alone to find my way through the dark woods.

I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone to find the Indigo. I could do it alone. I was the Silver Blade, a fearsome warrior. I was the first female to make rank in the colony. The strongest warriors amongst us hadn’t faced the trials I had.

It was Vellum's fault. He was the problem. Everything was fine until he came along. He turned Grisham against me. My brother knew what I needed. He'd never keep it from me like this. Vellum had planned to ruin me.

I rode Copper into the night. I heard every sound in the forest around me. The call of a great owl off in the distance made me miss the comfort of my backyard and the security of my Indigo. The breeze turned cool, and I gripped my greens to keep the bite of it away. My legs started shaking. From fatigue or cold, I wasn't sure.

Sensing the danger in the darkness around us, I tied Copper loosely to a tree built a fire. My body grew more weary with each step I took. I had to find enough wood to burn through the night. Alone out in the wilds was dangerous, especially at night. Watchers weren't the only dangers out here. I would need to stay awake through the night. A fact I hadn't considered when I left on my own, though I likely wouldn’t have changed my mind regardless of the outcome.

I pulled my weary body to the pile of kindling I'd made and struck a stone against my flint until a spark ignited it. Once the small flame caught on the kindling, I added larger sticks and branches to feed it. I drew myself as close to the flame as I could without burning myself. My legs were still shaking, and now my arms joined in as well.

Regardless of the flame I stoked, warmth escaped me. I stumbled to Copper's saddle and unfastened my sleep sack. I laid it alongside the fire and curled up inside. The night was uncharacteristically cold for this time of year. I shivered in my sleep sack until I started to doze off. I tried to fight it, but sleep took me quickly.

I woke suddenly to the sound of Copper's braying. The fire still burned bright enough to illuminate the wolves snapping at Copper's legs. It was a small pack, but I had no weapons. My sword was still strapped to Copper's saddle-A rookie mistake. I stood up and dizziness overcame me. I nearly fell to the ground, and was forced to close my eyes until the spinning slowed. I grabbed a branch from the fire and waved the flaming tip of it towards the wolves. The smell of ash and smoke filled the air around us, making it hard to see. I fought back a cough and dug deep for any willpower I could find.

They snapped and snarled at me, their attention now diverted from Copper. Their coats were thick over their large bodies. The grey wolves circled me like prey. I spun around, waving the flaming branch wildly. I stepped towards Copper in an effort to grab my sword, but a wolf grabbed my leg in its jaws. I leapt back just in time to avoid the bite, but lost my balance along the way.

I stumbled back, dizzy once again. The branch flew from my hand and I looked up towards the night sky. I was defenseless as I laid on my back. I reached around for a rock or anything to throw. The wolves drew in closer. Their growls a whisper of death notes. Their shiny teeth reflecting the firelight.

One of them lunged at me, grabbing my foot in his powerful jaw. His teeth grazed my ankle through my boot. I struggled against him as he dragged me towards the woods. I grunted as I fought against his pull. I dug my nails into the dirt to resist, despite the strength of the wolf. I kicked relentlessly using the dwindling bits of willpower that remained. My breath grew shaky and labored as I realized I couldn't stop this. I knew death intimately and knew it would come for me again, I just hadn't expected it to be this way. Ripped apart by wolves was an ending I hadn't prepared myself to face.

I wouldn't go down as a coward. I would fight until the end. I owed Grisham that much at least. A wolf yelped beside me without warning. Raising my eyes, I caught sight of him. His black hair and wild eyes were captured by the firelight. Red blood spattered on Vellum’s blue jacket. Remnants from the wolf he'd cut down with my sword. He tossed the sword and it landed right next to me. I felt the pull of it. I grabbed the hilt and pointed it towards the wolf at my ankle. It felt much heavier now than when I wielded it at the Capitol and it shook as I extended it. The blade suddenly felt foreign to me. It was too heavy in my shaking palm.

The wolf’s teeth drove deeper into my ankle and I cried out in pain. As his teeth sunk into my flesh, I dropped the sword and continued my struggle against him. I was too weak to wield my own sword, but too panicked to consider what that meant. All at once, the wolf’s grip on my leg loosened and disappeared. I looked towards Vellum and gasped at the sight of him. Vellum had lifted the wolf with his bare hands and threw him into the woods with a deep, resounding grunt. The wolf gave a small whimper when it hit a tree and fell to the ground, unmoving. What was left of the pack fled at the sight.

When they were gone, Vellum breathed heavily and looked down at me. He walked towards me and extended a hand to help me stand. I hesitated before I took it and he hauled me to my feet. He knelt down so that I could drape my arm over his shoulders. My body was weak and shook under my own weight. With the adrenaline now leaving my body, it felt hard to hold my head up. Embracing the full weight of my body, he walked me to the fire.

“Your skin is too cold. We need to get you warm.” He said.

“Why do you care?” I asked.

“You're going into withdrawal.”

“Withdrawal?” I asked, grunting as I moved my injured foot, “How do you know?”

“I've seen affliction before. You won't survive the withdrawal alone.” He answered.

We rode for two days with no sign of the Watchers. Vellum led us deeper into the woods each day, only stopping to rest the horses. We slept in shifts at night and ate only what we packed for rations. Our packs held enough to feed each of us for five days. If we stayed out here any longer than that, we'd need to hunt.

We hardly spoke to one another. Save for Grisham and Shelby who shared their experiences as Facets, among other things. There was also the occasional gripe from Burke about my smoking, which I ignored with increasing expertise each time.

The embarrassment of what I said to Vellum kept me from even looking at him. I must've been a fool to let those words fall from my mouth. Speaking them made them real. They no longer existed only in my mind. To make matters worse, they existed in Vellum's mind too. I could only hope he'd forgotten our exchange and failed to put it in his notebook.

On the third night, we set up camp as usual. Shelby found a stone outcropping and Grisham built us a fire. Burke curled up alongside it in his sleeping sack and promptly fell asleep. The rest of us sat awake for some time after eating our dried meat, dried apples, and bread. Grisham kicked around the idea of snaring a squirrel or rabbit, but we wouldn't be staying long enough. As soon as dawn broke, we'd be on the move again. Still searching.

I thought of the cache of Indigo. I'd brought a few empty saddle bags to haul it back to Divern. I sometimes felt guilty about withholding the cache at home from the afflicted. But the afflicted couldn't be trusted with that information. They'd just as soon burn my house down to get to it instead of relying on me as their supplier. I was careful with what I pulled from my stash. Careful not to draw too much attention, and careful to make sure there was enough for me should the other sources fail.

“Get some sleep, Rue.” Grisham said. “Vellum is taking first watch.”

Vellum's attention was solely on his notebook as I shook out my sleeping sack. Unbraiding my hair, I brushed it loose to relieve the taut pull of it against my skull. Combing my fingers through it, I closed my eyes closed. I rubbed my scalp, a light massage on the roots of my hair. I sighed and took off my jacket, wearing only my t-shirt that was about two sizes too big, and my pants. Before I set my jacket down, I rifled through it to find my pipe. Sleep would only come easy after I burned a few shards.

“Don't.” His voice cut through the silence around us.

I looked up to those crystal blue eyes reflecting the fire light. The charcoal pencil still in his hand as he looked up at me.

“What?” I asked, sure he wasn't talking to me.

“Don't pick it up.” He replied.

“Why not?” I asked.

“I just have this feeling that you shouldn't.”

“A feeling, huh?” A breath escaped my lips. “Well I have a feeling that this is the only way I can get to sleep.”

“There are other ways to get to sleep.”

“Not for me.” I looked away and grabbed my pipe. As interested as I was to hear Vellum's reasoning, I was more interested in alleviating the scratching feeling that crawled across my body. I ignored him and lit my pipe.

I don't know how long I slept before Grisham woke me, but it couldn't have been too long. The flames of our fire still burned bright. I sat up and quickly noticed Vellum was gone. Burke’s sleeping sack was empty and he was nowhere to be seen. Shelby stood before us, an arrow nocked in his bow as he looked into the woods.

“Where are Vellum and Burke?” I coughed.

“We gotta move, Rue. Get up now.” Grisham grabbed my arm and began to pull me from my sleep sack.

I pulled on my boots and threw on my jacket, leaving everything else behind. I trusted Grisham with everything I was. A part of me was Grisham. He told me to move, so I did. We walked carefully into the woods, one behind the other.

“The horses?” I whispered.

“Gone.” Grisham replied.

“Shit.” I muttered. My blade was fastened to Copper's saddle.

Shelby held up a fist and we stopped at his back. I looked around the woods for any sign of movement, but there was nothing. The trees were completely still around us. My eyes traveled along the forest floor around us, not even a footstep disturbed the ground as we stood in silence. The steady rhythm of my heart lulled me into a state of readiness. My feet dug into the earth and my breath was shallow.

Facet training was dormant within me, but not lost. As I waited for the incoming attack, my years as a Facet reminded me what I was supposed to do. My lieutenant had told us that training would tune our nervous systems to feed off of danger. We'd learn to hone our fear to heighten our senses. Decrease our response time, strike first as a reflex.

A twig snapped underfoot and I turned before I could hesitate. I crouched and extended my bottom leg in a swift movement that knocked them to their back.

“They're here!” I yelled. Grisham and Burke now engaged in fights of their own. The translucent skin of the Watchers sparkled in the moonlight. Four of them at my count.

One grabbed me from behind, wrapping his long scaly arms around my body. His grasp pinned my arms to my sides. Without thinking, I forced my head back into his and listened for the crack of his nose. When it came, he released me and grabbed his face. I struck him with a kick to his chest and he collapsed back into a tree.

The first one I struck was now back to his feet, “The Alpha has been waiting for you, Rue.” He spoke with a slither of his tongue. His voice was akin to his snake-like appearance.

“I'll kill him. He'll never get his hands on me again!” I shouted.

I balled my hands into fists and charged at him. I swung a fist towards his face, but he moved just in time. As he avoided my strike, he handed a blow to my stomach. The power of his strike knocked the air from my lungs. I fought to avoid doubling over. My untethered hair made an easy grip for him. He wrapped his fingers through my hair and yanked me in close.

He pulled me towards his face and smiled. His sharp teeth were a sinister reminder of his strength. I struggled to untangle his hand from my hair, but it was a mere distraction. With his free hand, he struck my ribs. Piercing pain shot through my lung. He struck again, this time landing a blow on my cheek. Stars filled my vision and I knew the next one would knock me out.

I kicked his ribcage with every ounce of strength I could muster. Lightning shot through my leg as if every bone in it had broken. The Watcher dropped me and stumbled. In his moment of weakness, I jumped onto his back and wrapped my arms around his neck. I held it until I felt the crack of his neck and he fell to the ground beneath me.

I saw flashes of the wall in my vision. Flashes of light and the Alpha glaring at me, getting closer each time I blinked my eyes. When he was close enough to grab me, the vision of him disappeared and I saw Grisham held down. His axe knocked to the side and a Watcher straddling him, choking him.

What happened next was instinct alone. I didn't think when I lifted Graham's axe from the ground and struck until the Watcher fell still on top of him. The next moment, I heard the final Watcher run. Leaving Burke to chase him. I lifted the axe with both hands and it hung long behind my back. I screamed, forcing my last bit of stamina into the handle of that axe as I threw it.

I could've sworn that I heard Grisham yell, “Stop!”

But it was too late, the axe embedded itself into the Watcher’s back and he collapsed to the ground. His face landing in the dirt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I blinked my eyes open and nearly fell from Copper's back.

“Wha- what's going on here?” I stuttered, gripping onto the reins as the world spun around me. “Where- where are we?”

I yanked the reins, bringing Copper to a stop. I called for Grisham who galloped up to me, “Rue, you're okay, I'm here.”

“There were-there were-” I started digging through my jacket. Where the hell was my pipe?

“Just breathe, Rue. Come on, let's get you down.” Grisham helped me from my saddle and walked me to a large stone where I sat. The others stood around us, on horseback.

“My pipe. My pipe.” I repeated.

“She's fucking mad.” Burke called out. “We oughta bring her back. She's a liability.”

“Follow orders, kid.” Shelby replied, seemingly undeterred.

“Grish, my pipe, where is it?” I gripped Grisham's jacket pleadingly. Had it been broken in the struggle? Did we leave it behind?

“Vellum took it, Rue.” Grisham replied at last.

“No, no, no.” I fought back a sob. I knew Grisham would never take my pipe after seeing me at my lowest point . I knew it had to be someone else.

“When we got you back to camp. He took it.” Grisham wouldn't make eye contact with me as the words left his mouth.

“Why would you-why did you let him? I need it, Grish. You know I need it or I can't-”

“Rue,” he put his hand on my cheek, “Tell me the last thing you remember.”

“I was- We were- attacked. Watchers. Four of them. But I killed them. I saved you.”

“Just tell her, man. She needs to know!” Burke shouted from horseback.

“Know what?” I asked between sobs.

“Rue,” Grisham spoke to me so gently. The way he did only when he was trying to spare me some inevitable pain. “I'm going to fix your memories from last night, but it's going to hurt this time around. I wish it wouldn't, but I'm afraid it's unavoidable.”

“No-not my- my memories?”

“Yes, Rue.”

“Like the incursion?” Tears fell from my eyes. Not again.

“Can I help you remember?” He asked.

I nodded and looked into his eyes. More gold than green today. He placed his hands on my temples and looked into my eyes. I sat still and counted backwards from one hundred. I knew the drill.

I felt cold water flush out the hot parts of my brain. I only just realized the feeling; as though it were going to boil from inside my skull. Ice water rushed through the folds of my brain and down my spine. The pleasant feeling steadily subsided to an unwelcomed pounding behind my eyes. Painful jabs shot through my head and I whimpered. When he released me, I buried my face in my hands and cried.

“Tell me what you saw, Rue.” Grisham asked gently.

“I followed you and Shelby to a camp of people. I heard them talking. Some of them found us and then I -” My chest heaved.

“You killed them, you psycho!” Burke yelled. “Not Watchers, people! And you weren't going to stop. We all tried to stop you, but you knocked me out and nearly broke Shelby’s nose! If it wasn't for Vellum, you'd have slaughtered the entire camp!”

“Grisham, I -” I couldn't speak anymore. The tears fell heavily from my eyes.

“I know Rue, it's okay.” Grisham held my hand.

“It's not okay, are you both insane? She'll kill us all or get us killed. We need to bring her back!” Burke yelled.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I didn't remember any of it.”

“Not good enough!” Burke called out again. But no one argued with him. He was right. It wasn't good enough.

We approached the North Gate on horseback. Each of us now fully armed with the weapons Casian had left for us. The ax across Grisham's back reminded me of our days as Facets patrolling the wall. A welcomed sight as we entered the wilds.

Shelby had taken the bow and arrows as well as some throwing knives that sat strapped to his thigh. Burke had a large sword in a scabbard fixed to the side of his saddle as he rode. His sword made mine look small, but the ratios were appropriate for our sizes. I searched Vellum from head to toe and saw no sign of a weapon on him. He wore a white t-shirt, jeans, and black boots. His black hair shined in the sunlight while carrying its signature disheveled look. He rode with confidence. He sat tall on the back of his jet-black mare. The scars on his strong arms drew my curiosity.

“Hey.” Grisham rode up beside me. “You okay?”

I nodded my head. “Thanks for coming to the rescue back there.”

“I can't take all the credit. Vellum told me to check on you. I'm glad he did. What did Casian want with you?”

“He just brought the pipe for me. Why didn't Vellum get any weapons?” I quickly pivoted from questions that might lead Grisham back to Casian. He would never let me be indebted to Casian on his behalf.

“Rue-” Grisham began.

“I'm going to go ask him.” I had started riding towards Vellum before I had spoken the words.

I rode alongside Vellum. The North Gate coming into view as we continued. We'd be leaving the safety of Divern in a matter of minutes.

“Hi… Vellum is it?” I asked.

“Hello, Rue.” His voice reminded me of when he'd stopped Doc's attack. He sounded stronger now, less frail.

“You sound like you're feeling better.” I said.

“I am. My mind is coming back to me. Your brother has helped me.” He kept his eyes fixed to the road as we rode.

“He's good at that.” I replied. “Where are your weapons?”

He lifted one hand from the reins and clenched his fist. Metal rings wrapped around each of his knuckles.

“Oh. Nothing else?” I asked.

“I have some daggers. I need nothing else.” His voice was deep and warm. I wanted to hear more of it. It was like a song I wanted to hear over and over again.

“I've seen you writing in that notebook.” I glanced towards his saddlebag.

A simple nod of his head was his only reply. But I intended to get that warm purr of his voice to caress my ears again. So I continued.

“What are you writing?” I asked.

“Things I don't want to forget. My memory, it's- it slips. Ever since I was touched, I'm having trouble recalling things. I can't tell if they're recent or old, so I just keep a record of them.”

“Does it seem to help?” I asked.

“It does. I use it often. I look through what I've drawn if I need to. Or add to it when something new comes to mind that isn't already there. It's helping me reclaim my identity.”

“As a Wayfarer?” I asked.

“As a man.” He replied.

“What a gift.” I said as I looked away from him. Back to the road ahead of us. The Gate casting a shadow over us now.

“A gift?” He asked.

“To have an identity beyond what the colony gave you.” I replied.

“Don't you?” He looked at me finally. His dark brows drawn together above his bright blue eyes. Just peaking out from his black hair.

“I'm -” my heart caught in my chest as he looked upon me. I watched his eyes trace my face, my lips. My cheeks grew warm and I cleared my throat as I opened my jacket to find my pipe. “I'm all washed up.”

I lit my pipe as quickly as I could without appearing frantic.

“Couldn't have waited until we left the colony?” Burke scoffed as he hastened to pass us. “It's a disgusting habit.”

“Now that I know how much it bothers you, I'll change absolutely nothing about my habit.” I sighed from within my billow of smoke.

When I looked back to my side, Vellum was gone. Up ahead with Shelby and Burke. Next to my brother. None of them looked back to wait for me as the Facets above hauled the crank, lifting the Gate. Releasing us into the wilds.

Ahead of us, the path continued into the dense forest that forebode us. The darkness beneath the trees warned us not to enter. But despite what lay beyond the trees, I felt a sense of curiosity. Trees were scarce in the colony, but here they were plentiful. They were tall and ancient. They weathered all seasons, their needles never turning brown or falling from the branches. Though the leaved ones turned barren in the winter, they always came back in the spring. Green and full of life. But now, in the autumn, their leaves peppered the ground and their stalks stood barren between the pines. The air was still warm, giving us the last bits of summer.

When I rode towards them, I heard the Gate close behind us. In my eagerness to touch the cool earth beneath those trees, I didn't notice what was beneath us. I smelled blood before I saw it. The metallic scent of it brought me back to my last battle. I took another drag from my pipe to calm my nerves.

Carved into the earth below us were gouges which were doused plentifully with blood. This was where they died. They almost made it inside.

“Are you okay, Vellum?” Grisham rode alongside him as he pressed a hand against his forehead. His face grew strained as if fighting through immense pressure.

Vellum nodded and we pushed ahead. I got close enough to extend my pipe to Vellum. He looked to me, his eyes growing distant and hazy.

“It helps.” I said.

“I don't want to be numb, Rue.”

“I'm not numb.” I retracted my hand, “I feel plenty of things. I still feel sad, I feel pain. Indigo just takes the pressure off.”

“I want to feel the pain. That way I know it was real. My memories are unreliable, my mind is untrustworthy. But my pain, my sadness, my fear -they keep me tethered to reality. Without them, I'd slip away into the chaos of my consciousness.”

I thought of the afflicted. All of them detached from the world around them. Ghosts of who they once were. So numb that they couldn't feel the very things that made them human. That disconnect had turned them into something else.

It was turning me into something else.

“I don't want to be alone with my mind.” I spoke in a hushed voice. Unsure if Vellum could even hear me, until he turned towards me, “The chaos inside of me will swallow me. I've felt it before. It's an open ocean and if I float there too long, I start to lose myself. There is nothing for me to grab onto. It's just my body in endless space. The force of that emptiness presses in on me until I can't breathe. And I hate it. I'd rather die than feel my body come apart from the inside.”

I felt the prickle of tears at the corners of my eyes. Immediately wishing I could push the words back into my mouth. It was too late for that, though. I blinked hard to clear my eyes and looked up at Vellum. He parted his lips to speak but the words died in his throat and he turned away.

“I'm sorry, Rue.” He said before snapping the reins and leaving me behind.

“Don't be.” I muttered before inhaling fresh smoke shakily into my weary lungs. My hand was trembling as I pressed the pipe to my lips.

We mounted our horses and galloped towards the Capitol. Before we departed the hospital, the Chancellor promised that our gear would be ready by morning. Including the sword he’d kept from me for the past year. The Chancellor gifted me the blade for my success in training at sixteen. A gift which he'd later used against me. A contingency of my decision to leave the Facet Corps. His leverage to keep me under his thumb. If I left, the blade would stay behind.

So I left without it.

I’d trained with that sword since Casian gave it to me. My comrades wondered how I gained the Chancellor’s favor to earn such a weapon. Some said that being the first female to make it to the ranks must’ve caught his eye. I thought it was more likely a bribe than a gift. A way to earn my favor should he require more of me. Grisham assured me it was nothing more than a gift and reminded me I was ever the skeptic. He wanted to keep me rational, even then.

I would've been a fool to refuse the favor he bestowed on me. A finer sword I'd never seen. As though someone made it just for me. The hilt covered in red and green metal work. The shining blade was strong, but slender enough to offset its weight.

My skill with the sword had earned me the name Silver Blade. A name that evoked denial from those who hadn’t witnessed me fight. I had never picked up a sword until the Chancellor gifted me the blade. But as soon as I held it in my hand, I felt it was an extension of myself. The sword spoke through me when I swung it. Sword fighting felt more like a dance than a fight. It was learning to move like water. The sword slid through the air like water coursed through the veins of the earth. We became one, the blade and I.

But I left it anyway.

When we entered central Divern, we slowed our horses while people crossed in and out of the streets. Folks smiled and waved at us as we passed through. Particularly at Burke and Shelby, who wore their unfettered greens. Some eyed me with confusion. No doubt assuming I’d stolen my jacket from a fallen Facet. Burke and Shelby waved and nodded at the townsfolk in return for their appreciation. Next to them, the remaining three of us looked like prisoners headed to trial.

Just outside of the Capitol building, we dismounted our horses.

“Are you really her?” A delicate voice spoke from behind me.

“What was that?” I turned to the young girl, who stood timidly a few feet from me, waiting for my reply.

“You’re the one who saved us that day, aren’t you?” The girl’s voice was light and hopeful.

I chuckled, “Now who told you that?”

“Stories my mama tells me. We were there that day. They almost killed us. But you showed up. My mama said you were like an angel fighting back the demons from hell. Keeping us safe here. An angel with long red hair and green eyes.” The girl's smile was so bright it drew me in. I noticed she had braided her long brown hair over her shoulder, just as I always had.

“I helped the others keep them out. It wasn’t me alone, but I do appreciate your mom’s story.”

“Why did you quit?” Her eyebrows drew together.

“Well,” I paused for a moment. “I was sick. I had to quit so that I could get better.”

“You look better now. So you’re coming back then? Is that why you've come? You’ll protect us again?”

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” I asked the young girl.

“Josie.”

“Josie. Such a nice name. My name is Rue. Can I tell you something really important, Josie?”

Josie nodded, her eyes wide.

“Even if I’m not a Facet, you're still safe here. I know that the other Facets will do everything they can to keep us safe here.” I smiled.

“But none of them are as strong as you are.” Josie’s smile dropped. “I told my mama, I want to be like you. I want to join the Facets when I’m old enough and protect the colony. I’ll be the second Facet to be a girl.”

“It’s dangerous, Josie.” I said, unable to hide my trepidation.

“I know. But that didn’t stop you. Everyone was dying, and you just ran right to the front and fought for them. I’m brave like that, too. I can help them.”

“I don’t know, Josie. Doesn’t your mom want to keep you from getting hurt?”

“Yeah, but that’s not what I want. I want to fight with you. When I’m a Facet, I want you to come back so you can teach me… Deal?” Josie stuck out her hand.

“Okay, kid.” I stuck out my hand to meet hers and gave it a firm shake. “But in the meantime, think about being a doctor or an engineer. Okay?”

“Okay, Rue.” She replied. We exchanged one more glance before she skipped away.

“Let's go.” Shelby called from the Capitol steps.

“What was that about?” Grisham asked as we entered the main hall.

“Looks like you're not the only one in the ‘Runel Tormult’ fan club.” I laughed.

“Shocking.” Grisham smiled.

The main hall was as immaculate as ever. White marble accented with red carpet down a long corridor. Gaudy chandeliers adorned the ceiling. All of it was a stark contrast to the rest of Divern. They treated the Chancellor like a king. He lived amidst this opulent display while the rest of us watched from our squalor.

Facets walked the hall and adjoining corridors in freshly pressed greens. They looked at me with disgust and sneered in my direction. My rugged old jacket didn't bring me shame, though. In basic training, they treated us like dogs. Robots who existed only within the confines of the commands they were given. Greens expected to be cleaned and pressed each night after training only to be ruined again the next day.

After a while, the dirtiness brought me such a satisfaction that I stopped cleaning it. The lieutenant's voice of warning wasn't enough to make me comply. Being a female in the Facet corps drew unwanted attention. Being dirty kept grabby hands away when Grisham couldn't. But when my superiors saw my skill with the sword, the punishments for my lack of decorum stopped. I often wondered if the Chancellor played a part in it, but I never asked. I wouldn't question the gift of choice I'd garnered.

“So many new faces.” Grisham muttered as we walked.

I didn't recognize any of the Facets who walked down the hall now. As they stared and whispered to one another, I felt like an outcast in the schoolyard of my youth. Fighting my shame, I stood a little taller.

“Our comrades are probably dead by now.” I replied.

After turning a few corners, we reached the staircase to the Chancellor's office. We ascended it and arrived at his lavish space. The Chancellor handpicked everything about this space. From the uniquely carved fireplace mantle to the commissioned self-portrait above it. This place was him.

It felt familiar. Grisham and I were no strangers here. We had frequented this room when receiving orders, and when I received my sword. This was the space where the Chancellor did business. I blinked my eyes and saw the moment he handed me my silver blade. Just him and I at the center of the room.

“Rue.” He called, standing from his desk. “Please come in.”

I nodded and entered. The rest of them followed behind me. “Hello, sir.” I spoke as we approached him.

“Sir?” His face grew puzzled. “Such formality. You're not in my command anymore as I recall.”

He pushed the frames of his glasses up the bridge of his nose. They hid the true color of his eyes, yet I knew they were dark brown. I'd seen them enough times to know. He spoke aloud to us all, but I knew he spoke to me.

“How were your travels?” He kept his eyes fixed on me.

“Fine, sir. Thank you for asking, sir,” Burke replied with the fire of his youth.

“Good.” The Chancellor replied, pulling his eyes from me. “I have your weapons ready, as promised.”

He walked to a long wooden table on the other side of the room. Likely used for council meetings, it now held our arsenal. I walked to the table to search for only one thing. I wasn't interested in the variety of swords and smaller throwing knives. The bow and arrows that always reminded me of Doc and the ax that Grisham would undoubtedly grab first. Beyond the collection of ropes and other leather straps, I saw a long object wrapped in an off-white cloth.

Even through the cloth, I felt it pull me in. Static cracked in the air around me as I got closer. My fingertips burned with eagerness, my heart leapt with an irrational desire. The surrounding chatter faded away and the ringing in my ears punctuated the silence that followed. I reached for it.

“Wait.” A hand brushed my shoulder. A warm voice whispered in my ear, “I need to speak with you first.”

My body grew tense. I didn't bother to turn towards the intrusion. I knew the Chancellor's voice well enough. I nodded my head and followed him towards a door at the back of the room.

“Runel!” a voice called. “Where are you going?”

“It's okay, Grish. I'll be right back.”

The Chancellor shut the door behind us, and the smell knocked me from my daze. The Chancellor’s bedchamber smelled of redwoods and the spices that Mom once used.

“Casian, have I been here before?” I asked.

“Don't be silly, Rue.” He replied with a smile.

“It's strange, but familiar.”

“Well, I'm not sure why.” He placed a finger under my chin. “Does it bring back some memories for you?”

“I don't-” I looked around the room. Nothing felt familiar, just that smell. “No. No memories.”

“Well then,” he took my hand in his. “I need something from you before I give you that sword.”

“We already made a deal, Casian.” I swallowed hard. My heart began to pound incessantly behind my ribs. I hadn't had a smoke since we left, “I have nothing to give you.”

He smiled and took off his glasses. Walking to a table near his large bed, he set them down and rubbed his hands over his eyes. He gestured towards his bed, “Have a seat, Rue.”

“I'll stand.” I took a small step backwards, wringing my hands as my breathing accelerated.

“Rue,” he spoke my name so softly, “You're starting to panic, I can see it.”

“I'm fine.” I lied. Fighting the urge to run from the room, “Just tell me what you want.”

“I've got just the thing.” He reached for a small polished wooden box near his glasses and opened it. Immediately, the color of Indigo radiated from it. I bit my lower lip in an attempt to subdue the urge. He lifted a pipe and the shard from the box.

He walked to me and placed the shard into his pipe. He delicately placed the pipe against my lips. I held it there without question as he lit it for me. I inhaled sweet relaxation. I felt my shoulders drop from my ears. My eyes rolled back and my heart slowed. I exhaled, nearly moaning from the relief.

“There you go.” He said. He brushed a finger across my jawline. The sickening feeling I felt was snuffed out by delight and I inhaled again.

“Now, I need something, remember?” He leaned closer. His warm breath on my cheek.

I nodded my head.

“I need your help with something very important. It's something only you can do.”

My eyelids were heavy, but I tried to listen. This seemed like something I should be awake for.

“When you get back, I need you to move into the Capitol with me. Once you find this latest settlement of Watchers, you'll return here. I'll send the Corps to handle it. But you, there's a very important project I'm working on and you're the only one who can help me.”

“I'm helping you with this project. That was the deal. When I get back, I'm going home.” I groaned.

“My special girl.” he sighed, “You need to help me with so many things.”

“I'm too tired for so many things, Casian. You can't have me cleaning up your messes all the time.”

“This will be the last one, I promise.” He twisted the end of my long braid in his fingers.

“I'm doing this for the Indigo. Not for you.”

“After everything I've done for you?” He pleaded.

“I paid my debts to you, Casian.”

“But your brother. You didn't pay his.”

My eyes narrowed and I pulled the pipe from my lips. I shook my head.

“He threatened an active officer. My Facet was terrified. Such a crime is punishable by death.”

I smirked and shook my head. Casian always got what he wanted. One way or another.

“How long do I have to stay here?” I asked.

“Just until the job is done.”

“And you promise Grisham will be safe? You'll let no harm come to him?”

“You have my word.” He replied.

I should've known Grisham's outburst wouldn't go unpunished. When it came to Facets, civilians have been killed for less.

“Okay.” I said between smokes.

“Give me your word.” He grabbed my wrist as he spoke. The force of his grip startled me. We stood face to face. He stepped closer in our silence, “Your word.” He repeated.

“You- you have it. I give you my word.” I stuttered at the intrusion.

He took another small step closer to me. His nose nearly brushing against my own.

“You smell like her.” His eyes closed and his lips brushed against my cheek. I stood, frozen.

“L-like who?”

The door flew open and relief washed over me. The Chancellor took a step back. My brother stood in the doorway with fury on his face.

“We're leaving.” He said.

I jerked my wrist from the Chancellor and walked past Grisham. I walked directly to my sword and picked it up, leaving the pipe in its place. Energy ran down my arm and my body quivered with excitement. Images of the ways I'd love to kill Casian flashed through my mind. A silent acknowledgement that I'd never leave my blade behind again. We had work to do.

Sunlight glinted from my silver blade as it delicately danced around me. The blood of the Watchers became a thick lacquer coat on its tip before sliding from the razor-sharp edge. It was more than just my sword; it was an extension of myself. Even as they poured through the broken wall, none could touch me. So long as I held my blade, none would make it into Divern.

Beyond the growing rise of bodies that surrounded me, I saw him. His scaled, opaque skin looked pale beneath the light of day as he stalked towards me. The Alpha’s glare fixed intently on me as I cut down another Watcher. I felt him grow closer until he was upon me. I swung my blade towards his throat as I'd done countless times towards his comrades, only to be met by a blade of his own.

Our silver clashed loudly as he met each of my strikes, blow for blow. He pushed me back with each thrust of his blade, a menacing smile on his face. The ground grew unsteady beneath me and I stumbled backward, his blade catching my arm. Warm blood poured from me, soaking my greens and coating my bicep. He continued with a renewed passion to turn me. He grinned at the sight of me. Blood dripping from my elbow like a cruel reminder of my mortality.

He swiped again, another impossibly fast movement, slicing my thigh. I dropped to the ground, feeling the muscle fibers tear under my weight. He approached me with speed and strength I've never felt before. He drug me to my feet, his icy hand clasped around my throat. His black eyes were like marbles in his skull as he hissed, “Where is she?”

I couldn't speak, so I shook my head. He asked again and when I shook my head once more, he released my throat. In a swift movement, he fisted my greens at my chest.

“I don't know who you're looking for.” My voice struggled to escape my throat.

“Pity.” He said before hovering his mouth over mine. So close that I felt his warm, sharp teeth brush against my lips. When he inhaled, I felt the blood rush to my face. I felt the burning warmth from within me rush up my throat and out of my mouth. I tried to swallow, but I couldn't stop it. My arms and legs grew cold, as if they'd been dipped in ice water.

My eyes rolled back into my head when he inhaled me again. My heartbeat slowed and my body went limp, only his grasp to hold me up.

“RUE!”

I felt my human soul leaving my body. My mind void of anger, sadness, or fear.

“RUNEL!”

I heard Grisham calling me, but he was too far away. He'd never reach me in time.

“Wake up, Runel!” I felt his warm hands shaking my body as it went rigid with alertness.

My eyes flickered open, my jaw clenched, and my heart raced. His warm, calloused palms gripped the sides of my face. Calming me in the way that only he could, “Runel, breathe. You're okay. I'm here.”

I grabbed my throat and forced a deep inhale.

“There you go. See? You're alright.” Grisham feigned a smile before pulling his hands from my face.

“S-sorry.” I muttered, licking the salt from my lips. “I'm sorry.”

Wiping the snot and tears from my face, I abruptly shot to my feet and stumbled to the bathroom.

“Rue, take it easy.” Grisham called before I slammed the door behind me.

I turned the faucet all the way up and waited for the water to steam. Once the heat rose from the water and grazed my skin, I stepped beneath it. The water fell from the showerhead with such force that I winced. The heat from it was almost unbearable enough to bring me back to reality.

It was a sweet burning sensation that rippled across my skin. I pushed through the initial pain to reach the sweet comfort that followed. I felt my cheeks grow pink from the steam that filled the room. My mind returned from the dream state only to be reminded of my pounding heart. I tried to breathe.

Just because it was familiar, doesn’t mean it was comfortable. It started with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach before crawling across my skin like ants on a carcass. I breathed again. Counting the seconds like Grisham taught me. I let the hot water envelop me. The heat crushed me again, enough to distract me from the crawling prickles on my skin. I closed my eyes for a moment to quell the grinding pain in my chest. I rested my hand over my heart. It was beating so fast.

Stop, Stop, Stop.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Without Grisham there to use his gift, it took a lot longer to regain my footing. The urge to vomit rolled through my body in waves of heat and sickness. Quickly, I turned the hot water off and cold water shot from the faucet in its place. The quick change shocked me and I gasped.

When the gnawing finally subsided, I dropped my hand from my chest. I searched for bruises from last night. My body looked as frail as it felt struggling against Doc. I couldn't remember the last time I'd looked at my naked body. It was no longer insulted by layers of fatty tissue and muscle. Apparently my body had been feasting on my reserves between meals.

Facets were well-fed. Three square meals per day since they needed us healthy. But now, I didn't really think about eating. I thought about Indigo. I tried to recall the last time I actually felt hungry. My stomach didn't growl anymore. Maybe it had given up, stopped begging for food after so many ignored pleas. Maybe it had lost hope like the rest of me.

The water squeaked to a halt, signaling that I'd used up my allotment. I gathered a new undershirt and underwear before retrieving my greens from the floor beside my bed. I noticed a new tear. A small one where the sleeve attached to the shoulder.

“Perfect.” I sighed.

I brushed my long auburn hair, leaving it loose to dry. I let it hang over the side of my face. It roamed freely around me only after my shower. It hung loose over my shoulders and down my back. Free and wild. The look of it never suited me. The mass of it should’ve been attached to some free-spirited, unencumbered person. Perhaps a woman who worked in the apothecary and tended to her garden of herbs while the boys of the colony followed her with puppy-dog eyes. Not a killer. A warrior possessing only a bitter heart. The look of it betrayed me. I contemplated shaving it all off more than once, and I probably would have had my mother not loved it so.

The staircase grumbled beneath my feet. The old planks whining from my intrusion. I skipped the step which Grisham had broken with his careless lumbering. Neither of us cared enough to repair it. This was someone’s childhood home, but it wasn’t ours. We needed a place to live, not a place to be comfortable. The house was still dark, the morning light only just cutting through the darkness. The smell of burning wood led me to the backyard.

Around the fire sat my new traveling party. The Facet Corps ensured the boys were up before the sun. A requirement that I promptly dropped when I abandoned my post.

“Sleeping beauty decided to join us.” The younger Facet was the first to speak. His voice was grating at this hour.

“Keep it down.” I hissed.

I drug my chair to the edge of the fire nearest Grisham. He looked at me with his warm eyes, “You alright, sis?”

I nodded.

Looking around the fire, I took inventory of them. The ones who would intrude on my peace until we completed our mission.

“What's your name, kid?” I looked at the younger Facet. His blonde hair was in need of a good washing. The messy look of him only made him appear younger. His attempt at a mustache didn't help either.

“Kid?” He scoffed. His eyes grew wide. “You're not much older than me, you know?”

“How old do you think I am, kid?” I sneered, drawing that last word out a bit longer than I should've.

“What like…” His eyes scanned me for longer than I'd have liked. I felt my face grow warm. “Nineteen?”

“You think he's nineteen then?” I smirked and gestured towards Grisham.

“Nah he's gotta be around… twenty-six.” The kid replied with a confidence that fit his level of maturity.

“They're twins, idiot. His name's Berkeley. But we call him Burke. And he's an eighteen-year-old kid. ” The older Facet looked directly at Burke as he spoke. “I'm Shelby.”

Shelby was the oldest of the lot of us. His dark hair was peppered with gray. His eyes carried the signature weariness of a senior Facet. Lasting that long in the ranks tested their sanity. Those who lived out adulthood as Facets had a hardness that protected them from the fear of death. A barrier that kept them from getting too close to anyone because they knew how quickly love turned to agony.

“Shelby, Burke.” I nodded. “I'm Runel, this is Grisham. We're twenty-three.”

“I was close.” Burke put a long piece of dried chew stick in his mouth.

My attention turned to the last member of our party. He stared at the fire. The lingering orange light of it danced on his face as the sky turned from black to blue. His expressionless face unmoving as if the flames had him in a trance. His crystal blue eyes caught the flicker of the fire from beneath his shaggy black hair.

I thought of last night, how he'd pulled Doc from me and held him in an arcane grip. He looked radiant then. Bright and strong. Nothing like the weary man who sat before me now. He wore a simple cotton shirt and jeans. Likely a gift from Grisham since they were similar in size. I wanted to ask him what power he carried and when he'd been touched. The words caught in my throat.

“So you work for Casian, then?” Grisham asked the Facets. I closed my mouth and looked towards the fire.

“We do.” Shelby replied. “I’ve been working with him since the last incursion. The kid came along about a month ago.”

“It’s Burke. Not kid.” Burke shot a glance toward Shelby.

“Whatever you say, kid.” Shelby grinned and rubbed his palms together before inching his seat closer to the fire. The morning chill hung in the air as the sun rose.

“I’m not a Facet anymore.” Grisham began as he leaned in towards the fire, “So I want to ask you. How can we trust a couple of lap-dogs?”

He looked directly at Shelby when he spoke, as if the kid’s opinion was of no consequence.

“I was commanded to be the Chancellor’s body guard. Some of us Facets remember the oath.” Shelby replied coolly.

“A Facet’s honor is his word to defend the Colony. To defend the Colony is to defend the Chancellor.” Grisham repeated the words of the oath with ease, though he hadn’t said them since we quit. “But you could’ve pulled rank. Said you're needed in the field. You chose to go along with it.”

“What’s it to you?” Burke cut in. “The Chancellor holds the Colony together. Everyone knows it. Without him, there would be no order. The walls would fall. Divern would fall. Stop spreading rumors, traitor.”

“Shut it, Burke.” Shelby shot a cutting glare at Burke. “I have my reasons.”

“Care to share them with your new comrades?” Grisham asked.

“I don’t know you, Grisham. She’s hardly spoken a word since we were attacked. And that one is in some sort of a walking coma until he gets angry and sparks shoot from his hands. Why on earth would I tell you anything about my decision-making?”

“Because we’re on mission together and you willingly aligned yourself with a fucking murderer.” Grisham replied.

“He’s not a murderer, you fool. That’s all propaganda to divide us. Open your eyes!” Burke shouted from his seat alongside the fire.

“I’m a fool? Kid, you’re living in blissful ignorance. Stay in the ranks long enough and you’ll see it.” Grisham’s gaze returned to Shelby. “Isn’t that right?”

Shelby looked down at his war torn hands, wringing them together.

“Why did Casian come to you? Me and Shelby could’ve handled this. And he wouldn’t have had to bribe us with Indigo. You’re an anarchist. You and your crazy sister.” Burke sneered.

“I’ll show you crazy, kid. Watch your damn mouth!” Grisham’s chair toppled over as he shot to his feet beside me.

I placed my hand on his arm. This kid wasn’t worth Grisham’s worry. He was ignorant, but he was right. The word “crazy” hits differently when it’s true.

“Do you want to know why he came to us, kid?” I asked as Grisham picked up his chair.

“Enlighten me.” Burke sat back and crossed his arms.

“That day, the incursion last year. It was the worst we’ve ever had in Divern. The wall collapsed, and The Watchers came pouring in. They killed Facets, civilians-it didn’t matter. It was easy for them to kill us. Compared to them, we’re mounds of meat and fluid all held together by soft tissue. They can tear us apart with their bare hands, and they did. My comrades bled out before I arrived. Their organs were outside of their bodies, still wet with the blood from their insides. Do you know how many died after me and Grisham got there?”

Burke sat, unmoving. The sunlight poured over us now. His face fully illuminated before me. The color drained from it. This kid had never fought for his life or the lives of his comrades. I was traumatizing him. I subdued a smile and continued.

“None, kid. We killed every last Watcher who tried to cross the wall, and they retreated. We’re Casian’s best bet to find where this latest batch of Watchers is spawning from and take it out. If we hadn’t abandoned our post, we’d be in your shoes. The best to defend our brave ruler. But he let us go. Deserters are killed, aren’t they? But not me and Grisham. Doesn’t make sense, does it?”

I flipped my hair over my left shoulder and began to braid it. “It’s because we were touched. But our skin stayed warm. We didn't turn. We-”

“Rue, that’s enough.” Grisham interrupted.

I nodded and tied off my braid. “We’re a threat to him, but we’re also an asset.”

“You were touched.” Vellum spoke suddenly, causing us all to turn towards him. “You and your brother… Like me…”

“How did you survive, Vellum?” Grisham asked. “Everyone else turns. We’ve seen it.”

“I… don’t know. It happened… so fast…”

“Neither do we.” I said.

“Impossible. So you all have some magic now or something?” Burke asked.

“Vellum appears to. I don’t have any abilities. Grisham has-”

“Enough, Rue.” Grisham interrupted me again. I sighed and pursed my lips.

“You're lying!” Burke shouted.

“We're done talking about this.” Grisham shot me a cutting glance.

“What happened to sharing secrets with your comrades, Grisham?” Shelby lifted an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair.

We all sat in silence as the fire burned down to coals. Vellum had a notebook on his lap that I hadn’t noticed before. The leather binding was old and worn. He scribbled away on the pages as the rest of us did our best to avoid direct eye contact with one another. The morning dew settled on the grass surrounding us. Blue Jays called from the branches of the trees that lined the edge of the yard between stumps. I enjoyed this peace that seemed to make the Facets unsettled. Shelby and Berkeley fiddled with their hands and tied their boots. Shelby’s leg bounced rapidly once he had sufficiently re-tied his boots. All the while, the sound of Vellum’s charcoal pencil scratching on his parchment drew in my curiosity. Shelby pressed his hands into his face, rubbing his eyes and cheeks as if to stifle a scream of impatience.

“Alright, great chat. Let’s go fetch our supplies, comrades.” Shelby said before leaving the rest of us in silence.

We left the hospital together, Vellum and the two other Facets in tow. The lot of us mounted our horses and trotted back to the outskirts. No urgency to get back home.

“I don't like this. We can't trust deserters” The younger Facet whispered behind me as if he wasn't within earshot.

I ignored him and hastened Copper to catch up to my twin. Creating space between us and our new cadre.

“Vellum has disorganized thoughts. It was a mess in there. His mind is running all over the place. It's like…” Grisham stopped himself.

“Mine?”

He nodded. “Like yours after the incursion.”

Grisham had helped me pull myself together after the attack as best he could. An impossible task.

“The way he described it-the cave, the people. It seemed real. Like something I've known. Did you feel it too?” I asked.

“I'd be lying if I said no. I just got this feeling that they needed our help. The people out there. I know we're doing this to stop The Watchers from invading Divern, and for the Indigo payout-but I think those people in the Wilds need our help just as much.”

I gripped my pipe tightly, finally removing it from my pocket. From the inner pocket of my greens, I pulled out a small bag with Indigo shards and dropped one into the pipe. I pulled my lighter from the same pocket and lit the shard. It burned like charcoal, releasing a dense smoke that I inhaled deeply before replacing the lighter in my pocket.

I let out a long exhale and looked up at the sky above me. We'd spent the entire day traveling to the center of the colony, “Pink, purple, orange. Two hours to sunset.”

I held the pipe to my brother who shook his head to refuse my offer.

As we walked back to our house, I caught sight of my clients. Wandering the streets of our neighborhood as they often did near dusk. Something about the evening air made them restless. I felt it too. As the sun retreated, my skin crawled with the urge to move. The itch of the fight we'd not face.

One of my clients approached. A gangly looking man who'd once been an abominable force before the incursion. His hair had thinned, and his eyes receded into his high cheekbones. He looked neither asleep nor awake as he staggered towards me. Sensing his need, I hopped down from Copper.

“Hey, Doc. Shipments late.” I spoke as he approached. “Should have more soon.”

“Rue. I just need a little of your stash. Today's been a real bad day. You know what it's like.” His voice was scratchy and distant.

“I know, Doc. I'm sorry. You'll be the first to know when it comes in.” The five of us in the middle of the street, halted by Doc standing before us. Copper began to sway on unsteady hooves, adding to my unrest. The afflicted ones watched from their homes or the darkened spaces between them. All of them waiting to hear if I had something to give them, something to take their suffering away.

“I would, Doc. You know I would. It's just-if I do it for you, it sets a precedent for everyone else. I don't have enough to share with everyone right now.” I felt them getting closer, creeping from their yards like curious kittens. Kittens who grew more ravenous the longer they went without their fix.

Doc had been a Facet in my unit. He was granted leave when he lost his right eye during the incursion. He wasn’t much of a sharp-shooter after the injury. His bow became foreign to him. Ailed by the memories of fighting them and infected by the sickness, Indigo was his lifeline now. The sorrow I extended to him was a thing I was unable to extend to myself. His suffering was my own in a profound way. I experienced his pain when my own evaded me. Denying him relief brought me no joy.

But I couldn't share.

I was just as haunted as the rest of them.

The Watchers killed us by cutting us down, breaking our necks, or bleeding us dry. But some of us didn't escape their grip that easily. We were infected when our blood mingled with theirs. Once infected, the only cure is the antidote. And the only antidote was created by the Cambria Colony. They gave the antidote to many, including Doc, in time, but something lingered in the infected long afterward. They hungered for Indigo, even as they withered away into nothingness. It was the need to escape, but it was more than that. It was the affliction.

The strongest of the Watchers, the Alphas we called them, could turn you. A fate worse than death, worse than affliction. The curse of becoming one of them. Being touched always ended the same.

With two exceptions.

“I thought you understood, Rue. You're one of us. You know what we've seen.” Doc’s hollowed grey eyes met mine. His hunched back made him smaller. He met me, eye to eye.

“Doc,” Grisham spoke from beside me, “do you want me to bring you some peace? We could sit together for a while. It could help while you wait for the next shipment.”

“No,” Doc spoke through muffled sobs, “It's not enough. It never lets me go. You can't stop it, Grisham.”

As Doc looked over shoulder, I realized the afflicted had poured from the shadows and out onto the street. Their sunken grey eyes catching the last drops of sunlight as the moon rose above us. My horse whinnied and tugged at the reins.

“The fuck is happening here?” The younger Facet spoke from behind me. Both the Facets and Vellum drew themselves closer to Grisham and I. Their horses as unsettled as my Copper.

Doc took a step closer to me, his eyes fixed on my pipe. “Just one hit, Rue.”

“Doc, please go back inside before this gets out of hand.” Grisham's voice was hushed and unhurried. It was a warning to Doc. I felt my brother's shoulder brush against mine. Feeling Copper tugging at me, I released her reins. She fled, leaving me to continue my plea. I could calm them down. I had to.

“I can't do it, Grisham. I need that pipe.” Doc's face tightened under the strain of his wanting.

I rested my hand on my brother's forearm. A warning of my own. All the afflicted who looked at us now, the ex-Facets, Surveyors, and Wayfarers, no more than haunted reflections of the fighters they once were. Still, we didn't want to fight them. They'd suffered enough.

“We’ll take from the walls, Rue.” Doc wiped the snot from his nose. “If we have to, we will.”

“Doc, come on now. You know it's too dangerous. The Watchers are waiting for us to slip up. Just hold on for a few days, I promise I’ll-” I uttered my last plea.

But it was too late.

Doc reached for me in a blind fury. Grabbing my wrist, he knocked my pipe to the ground. He ignored it as he grabbed a hold of my jacket to dig into my pockets, looking for any shards I had left. He pulled on my greens and tugged at my undershirt.

The scuffle ensued around us. Grisham and the other two Facets pushed away the afflicted. Instead of breaking their bones or cutting them down, they took mercy on them. Pushing them away and parting the growing crowd towards our house. I felt Doc's cold hands grabbing at me as he looked for my inner pocket. He was familiar enough with the greens to know where I'd hide something valuable.

“Doc, please stop!” My voice grew frantic, his grip stronger than I'd anticipated. “You know I'll take care of you. Just give me time!” I looked around for help, but Grisham had gotten separated from me in the crowd of the afflicted. I couldn't see the other Facets either.

“I can't wait another day, Rue. I need this!” Doc raised his voice in my ear.

Only then did I realize how frail I'd become. In the year since the incursion, I'd hardly been able to get myself out of bed. My days as a Facet were reduced to rotting in bed and the occasional trip to the Gate to collect shipments. My arms, once muscular and lean, were now scrawny and weak. My body refused to move the way it used to. Only when Doc and I tumbled to the ground did I realize my body was fading into affliction.

We grunted as we continued to struggle on the ground. I gripped my jacket as tightly as I could, holding desperately onto my shards. I felt his nails scratching at my skin, my undershirt torn. I curled my body to keep his hands from my pockets. I laid on the ground, helpless as he pawed at me.

“Someone,” I admitted at last, “I need help here!”

I felt the ground beneath me tremble as if a stampede raced towards us. From the corner of my eye, I saw a light growing in brightness above the crowd. The clamor around us grew muffled and distant.

Doc's hands froze, and his startled eyes looked into mine. His body went rigid and I felt the weight of him lift from me. After a moment, I inhaled deeply and sat up, unable to gather the strength to get to my feet. I squinted my eyes through the bright light. Wild black hair and blue eyes stared back at us. No longer in his hospital robes, I saw his strong masculine form. The blues he wore now carried remnants from his struggle at the Gate. The rips and stains evidence of the fight he'd faced.

“Vellum?” I coughed.

The light wrapped around Vellum. It gripped Doc as he hung a few inches from the ground. He was face to face with Vellum. My vision wobbled as if I were dreaming.

“Don't touch her.” Vellum's weak voice was a memory of what I heard now. The ferocity of it wrapped around my body like velvet, warming a small, forgotten spark deep within me.

“Remember my face,” Vellum continued, “because if you harm her, I'll be the one to find you. It'll be my face you see as your soul leaves your body ”

After a moment of silence between them, Vellum inhaled sharply, as if he'd been struck. All at once, the light disappeared and the both of them fell to the ground. Doc scurried off into the darkness like a cockroach and Vellum lay on the ground. His eyes closed, his face peaceful. The light gone aside from the static of his power still crackling in the air around us

“Rue, what happened?” Grisham rushed to my side. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” I crawled, pressing my hands to the ground. The darkness obscuring my view. I inched closer to Vellum, my arms and legs weakened from the struggle. I got close enough to Vellum to make out his face and paused. His hair has fallen away from his face to show the definition of his cheeks, the peak of his nose, his hard features relaxed now. The slight part of his lips as he drew breath in and out caught my eye for a moment.

My eyes jerked away as panic gripped my chest.

I continued feeling around as sighed with relief as I found my pipe. I placed it back in my pocket and sat back on my knees. I inhaled hungrily to catch my breath.

“He's like us, brother,” I turned to face Grisham, “He's been touched.”

Touched, but not turned. That makes three of us.

Housing my disdain.

An empty space holds mourning.

I can't try again.

- Mo Bella

I looked up at the icy blackness of the night sky and let three large puffs of smoke escape my lips. Leaning back in the creaky porch chair, I took another large inhale from the pipe. The bitter sting of it left an oaky residue in my throat. The burn traveled deep into my lungs as they filled with the thick purple and blue smoke. I inhaled, my shoulders dropped away from my ears, my eyelids fluttered gently.

In the distance, I heard a great owl calling. It's gentle call rolled through the silence. Though it was sudden, it wasn’t jarring or frightening. Pleasantly deep, it lulled me into relaxation. I rocked back in the chair, hovering the front legs off of the ground. My feet pressed up against the stump of an old tree, long since removed from here. As most things were.

"Time to go." Grisham's voice ran opposite to the owl's call. I dropped my pipe, the legs of my chair landing with a thud on the solid earth beneath me.

"Grisham," I sighed and rolled my eyes, leaning over to dust off my glass pipe, "how many times must you startle me before you accept my high-strung nature?"

"How do you know I haven't accepted it?" He laughed. "Perhaps I just enjoy scaring the heartless maiden."

"And why would you enjoy that?" I took a long puff and inhaled deeply before releasing the smoke into the night sky.

"Because it's the only time I see remnants of the humanness left in you, Runel." His heavy footfalls approached my side before a hand plucked my pipe from my lips.

I watched as he inhaled the sweet smoke. His eyelids fluttering as mine had moments ago.

"Help yourself." I muttered, finally forcing myself to stand. Brushing myself off before meeting his eyes with my own.

Tilting my head upwards, I watched the purple smoke float from his nostrils.

"Ready?" He asked.

His golden-green eyes and short-cropped auburn hair were just as they'd been since he was a boy. His sharp features developed more as he matured into the man he'd become. When we were kids, everyone called us the ‘Tormult twins’. Despite our differences now, our auburn hair and green eyes still gave us away. The only ones like us on this side of the wall.

"The more time you waste, the more pissed he's gonna be," he put the pipe on the stump, "no use avoiding it, Rue."

An exaggerated sigh escaped me and I walked back towards the house. I didn't have to look back to know Grisham followed. The sound of his footsteps trailed closely at my back. The old door creaked loudly though it opened easily. Everything about this place was old, the wall paper peeled from the walls, the wood planks of the floor barely holding together, cracks in the ceiling that threatened to split the place in half. Even the smell was old- dirty and dusty.

"Home sweet home." Grisham muttered.

The kitchen, though clean, was hardly usable. I tried to keep things tidy. It was the least I could do to give it the facade that this place was inhabitable. Crossing the threshold to the front room revealed that the lamps were already lit, illuminating the space just enough to see him.

"You've been avoiding me, Rue." His voice was silk. It was oil in my ears.

"I'd never dream of it." I retorted before coughing into my sleeve. Leftover Indigo working it's way from my lungs.

"Using your own supply, are you?" He asked knowingly.

"In moderation." I plopped down in the armchair across from him. None of the furniture matched here. The cloth fabric of the chair beneath me was ripped, only held together by whatever fastened it to the frame.

Grisham remained standing behind me. These visits always put him on alert. The Chancellor wouldn't dare harm one of his most valuable resources, but Grisham knew what he was capable of.

I hung my arms over the edges of the chair as I slumped back carelessly. Grisham on alert meant that I could relax. As my looks were often deceiving, his weren't. He was precisely as strong as he appeared to be.

"What can we do for you, Chancellor?" I asked through a yawn. I crossed my ankle atop my opposite thigh. I wore the same boots I had during the incursion, the same jeans -tattered and torn. Not that I had much choice anyway.

The Chancellor sucked his teeth as he ran his eyes over my shoddy posture. No doubt irritated by my lack of formality. He came to his feet, his uniform neatly pressed and clean. Shoulder pads secured in place to give a more masculine appearance than was natural to him. Short black hair slicked over his head giving it a shine that reflected the flames from the lamps. His glasses did the same, making it hard to read the expression of his eyes.

"There was an incursion at the North Gate." His voice turned grave. It had been a year, almost to the day, since the last incursion. Since the last time I took off these damn boots.

"How many?" I asked, feeling tired already.

"We slaughtered fifteen at the gate before the rest retreated.” He picked up his hat which he'd set on the end table and began turning it in his hands. As if he knew my next question.

"How many did we lose?" I asked again, leaning forward.

"Five Facets. Six Wayfarers." His eyes remained drawn to his hat as he spoke. Their deaths were his shame.

"How did we suffer so many casualties?" Grisham cut in. His voice just loud enough to reach The Chancellor.

"We sent for more antidote from the Cambria Colony. The Surveyor teams were sent ahead and cleared the wilderness. It should've been safe."

"Did anyone survive the attack?" I asked.

"Only one. A Wayfarer. He hasn't spoken since we recovered him." The Chancellor replied.

"Casian," I repeated with more disdain than compassion, "what exactly are you expecting us to do about this? Did you forget? We're not indebted to you anymore. This is your mess. You clean it." I stood up, turning my back to him and facing Grisham.

"Indigo," The Chancellor muttered, "the Wayfarer team stumbled upon a hold of it when they tried to escape."

I froze. My affliction was also my for-profit, slightly illegal, endeavor. I spoke through clenched teeth, "I imagine in their desperation to flee, they failed to draw a map?"

"You want it don't you, Rue?" When I turned to him, his eyes were touched by the tip of his grin, "I know your sources aren't as plentiful as they once were here in Divern. And you're not one to travel to the other colonies these days."

"I didn't say I didn't want it, Chancellor," I stared back at him, "I'm just in no hurry to die, either."

I felt a breath in my ear and tipped my head towards it, "Let's talk to him, Rue. The survivor." Grisham whispered, "He might have enough information to get us there."

I sighed, "so you want us to find out where the Watchers came from and the Indigo we find out there is ours?"

"If-," His voice hung on the word, "if you find where they came from, how they were able to ambush us, then I'll let you back into Divern with all the Indigo you can carry."

The Chancellor liked to pretend our Indigo affliction didn't benefit him as much as it did me. He knowingly reaped the rewards of a chemically dependent populace that cared more about their rocks than their rulers.

“Why not just send another team of Wayfarers and Facets?” I asked.

“I don't want to draw the attention of the other colonies by pulling away our crews. I want to keep this quiet.” He replied.

Despite his true motives, he was right. Our stores were running incredibly low. I'd burned too many bridges with the Angore Colony to rely on their plentiful supply. The journey through the wilds was treacherous. I hadn't ventured outside the walls since the war, but I remember it well. The thought of it sent a shiver through my body. We relied on what my only remaining contact from Angore would send. And the store we'd found beneath this house. The one we kept hidden from wanting eyes.

Still, it wasn't enough and the people of Divern depended on us. The people depended on Indigo. We depended on Indigo.

"Who am I to stop giving the people what they need?" I held out my hand, "Right, Chancellor?"

He shook my outstretched hand. That wolfish grin creeping over his face, "Pleasure as always, Rue."

"Take us to the Wayfarer." Grisham demanded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We followed The Chancellor to the front of the house where his Facets awaited him, sitting high atop their horses. Horseback was the preferred method of travel when the gas pumps ran dry years ago. Looking up and down the streets, bodies of motor vehicles sat idle. Frames rusted, tires flat, stripped completely bare for parts. No one bothered to move them on the outskirts of Divern. Their dilapidated forms merely accented the deteriorating road beneath them.

Horses grazed on overgrown yards in front of houses that should've been condemned. Fifteen years ago, they would've been, but not now. Since Indigo arrived, we've had much bigger problems. Preventing incursions, securing antidotes and goods from the other colonies, and my own personal mission-feeding the Indigo affliction.

Grisham and I mounted our horses. Following close enough to see, but far enough to whisper to one another. As twins, much was unspoken, making private conversation practical.

“Plan?” I asked before cupping my hand over a deep cough.

Grisham nodded.

“The usual?” I asked.

He nodded again, “If it ain't broke…”

“Don't fix it.” I finished his thought, the phrase mom always used.

We made our way through Divern. Slowly, the streets became neater, fewer barren car frames. Weeds peeking through the broken asphalt had been plucked away by Keepers. The houses grew larger the closer we got to the center of town. I enjoyed rides through this part of the colony for one reason-the laughter. Children ran through the streets here, chasing one another and giggling wildly.

Where Grisham and I stayed, there were no children. Only the lost lived where we did-former Facets, widows, and the afflicted. But here, there were families, there were children. There was a future. Somehow there were still those who believed in a future bright enough to raise a child in.

How beautiful. And how very, very stupid.

When we reached the hospital, Grisham and I dismounted and followed The Chancellor once more. Only this time, his Facets followed behind him. Each of them eyeing Graham and I with a sense of unease and suspicion. The hospital was a two story building that was once some sort of factory, from what I could tell. It was equipped with machines that had been kept up by engineers from Cambria. The engineers a commodity The Chancellor undoubtedly bartered a few Facets for.

We walked by the intake desk, The Chancellor giving a curt nod before they let us through. Only a few Divernians possessed the authority he did. Doors that would've been shut in my face opened easily for him. Being the Chancellor of Divern did have its perks. No door off limits, an army of Facets at your command.

“I wish they'd stop following us.” I said, referencing the Facets behind us as we continued down the long hallway, “It's putting me on edge.”

I scratched my neck, calculating how long it had been since I inhaled that sweet smoke of my pipe.

“It's their job, Rue.” Grisham replied, “They're told to protect The Chancellor and that's what they do. You remember what it's like.”

“I remember.” I replied.

Grisham stopped abruptly and turned to face the two male Facets following closely behind us, “Would you mind giving us some breathing room here? We're not a threat.”

“You sure about that?” The younger of the two remarked, looking me up and down as I bit off a loose fingernail and spit it to the side of the hall, “This one looks like she woke up on the bad side of an Indigo affliction.”

He scoffed, nudging his partner who grinned widely.

I cocked an eyebrow but didn't say a word.

Reaching out his strong, slender fingers, Grisham grabbed the young Facet by his collar and pulled him towards his face. The camouflage jacket the young man wore stretched beneath the resistance of Grisham’s pull.

“Do you know who we are? Who she is?” He nodded towards me without taking his eyes off the young man, “She saved us from the last incursion. If not for her, Divern would've been overrun by The Watchers. Show some fucking respect.”

“She's not- one of us-” The young Facet struggled, “She wears the greens- of another soldier.”

“There's only been one female Facet.” The slightly older man interrupted his comrade, “You're not telling me this is her? She's not…”

“The Silver Blade,” my brother finished the man's sentence. The muscles of Grisham's neck flared as he set his jaw. His arms were hidden beneath his tattered leather jacket. He dared not wear his Facet greens anymore. It was too painful for him.

Quite the contrary to my daily garb. I wore the same greens every single day. I couldn't seem to let them go. No matter how sick I felt at the sight of my jacket, my boots- I saw myself no other way. I was a living photograph of who I'd been when the wall fell.

“She's fucking crazy, man. Look at her.” The young Facet’s brown eyes ran me over once again. The look on his face became increasingly disgusted, even as Grisham's grip tightened, “She's got those glassy eyes. She's pale. Her cheeks are sunken in. And she's still wearing greens. If she really is The Silver Blade, she's a deserter and doesn't deserve to wear the greens!”

“She's earned the right to wear the greens as long as she wants to,” spit from Grisham's mouth flew towards the Facet's face, “have you ever seen them? The Watchers? Do you know the empty, soulless eyes they have? Their pallid skin touching yours, the feeling of death creeping over you. And when they get close enough, the feeling of cold emptiness you feel when they suck your life away. Leaving you to suffocate and die just for the fun of it.”

The Facet quivered at Grisham's words. The tension on his greens grew until his jacket was too taut for him to move any farther, “Look man, calm down. I didn't mean anything by it.”

“You haven't even seen the outside of these walls have you?” Grisham’s voice purred through his clenched jaw. Hand on my forehead, I sighed as the exchange continued. Grisham's defensiveness wasn't a surprise. He'd always been my champion. My only fan. Even when I didn't deserve it.

“Well no, not yet. I… We….” he looked over at his partner who glanced off towards the wall. Refusing to speak on his behalf. I laughed as I chewed on my sleeve.

I walked to the Facet hanging from my brother's grasp and patted him on the shoulder before whispering into his ear, “Come find me if you survive outside these walls. I'll save some Indigo for you. We can share a smoke.”

“Unhand him, you brute!” The Chancellor shouted before forcing himself between my brother and the Facet.

The Facet stumbled backward and straightened his greens in an attempt to appear unbothered by the encounter. I flung my heavy auburn braid back over my shoulder and we continued down the hallway.

“You don't have to do that, you know?” I spoke quietly.

“You're my sister, Runel. It's my responsibility.” He replied.

“I'm a big girl, Grish. I can handle a little shit talking.”

“I know you can. But I don't think you should have to,” he nudged me with his shoulder. “You're strong, I know that better than anyone. I just don't want you to have to be all the time.”

I smiled at him and nudged back. If he hadn't been there with me after the incursion, I'd be dead. Not from any doing of The Watchers, at least not directly, but by my own hand. Long after the fighting stopped, I still heard their noises in my head. They'd burrowed into my mind once it touched me and I couldn't get them out. When it touched me, the strongest Watcher I’d ever faced, I saw the pictures in my mind. Death, over and over, our people being slowly killed by them. I couldn't stop all of the pictures, even after it released me. An endless playlist of death in my head.

Indigo affliction was already a part of me by then. If I wasn’t smoking it, I was running from the terrors I couldn’t explain to anyone. Not even my brother. I would've done anything to make it stop.

And I did.

Grisham found me that night. Covered in my own blood. The panic on his face, the fault all mine. I promised I'd never do it again, no matter how tempting it was.

But the Indigo…

It was the only thing to keep the voices away. The images that played in my mind. The soulless stares of The Watchers. The shrieks they made each time they claimed another life. It was constantly dwelling at the back of my mind, just waiting to be freed. But as long as I had the Indigo, I could manage it.

And I wasn't alone.

My clients were mostly former Facets. They needed it just as much as I did. The only thing keeping them tethered to their lives was Indigo. Even as some went mad and withered away, at least they lived when they so easily could’ve died.

I walked to The Chancellor who stood outside one of the treatment rooms. He read the treatment sheet just outside the door, mumbling to himself.

“What's his name?” I asked softly.

“Vellum.” The Chancellor replied quietly.

He slowly turned the handle and we followed him in. The Chancellor’s Facets stationed themselves outside the door.

The room smelled of stale, old crackers and mothballs. It was somewhat revolting when mixed alongside the smell of bloodied bandages and homemade anesthetic.

Vellum sat at the edge of his thin white mattress and looked out the window. From the window, the edge of the wall was visible just above the rims of the buildings that filled every crevasse of central Divern. A visual reminder that we'd been packed together like sardines in a can after the collapse of everything.

The wall was the only thing separating us from them. Like the other colonies, the people of Divern learned quickly that they shouldn't touch Indigo shards of the wall. Even the afflicted wouldn’t dare steal those shards. The colonies farmed it to build the walls making it property of the government and the people. Without it, The Watchers would have killed us all off long ago.

Some believe the Indigo appeared to warn us of their arrival. And that's why they can't touch it. Others think it's nothing more than a far-fetched coincidence, citing Murphy's Law. I think it's neither option. I think it's something far worse.

But I smoke it to keep the worries away. To remind myself that it's someone else's problem. Certainly not mine. Not anymore.

“Vellum?” The Chancellor whispered, placing his hand on the frail man's shoulder. “We're here to talk to you.”

Vellum turned to look at the chancellor and then at Grisham and I. His dark hair was disheveled and hung over his forehead. His blue eyes were shadowed with the burdens of what he'd seen. A look I knew from glimpses I'd caught of myself in the mirror. His face was lean, as if he hadn't eaten since the attack at the Gate. His hospital gown revealed little of his stature or size, leaving it a mystery to me.

“Talk… to me.” He spoke slowly.

“Yes we need some very important information, Vellum.” The Chancellor began, “This is Grisham and that's Runel. They were some of the best Facets we've ever had. They're retired, but they agreed to help us now. What happened at the Gate, we need to find out what we can do to prevent it. We need to know everything you saw. What you saw before the attack, when the Watchers followed you back to the Gate, anything that might help them. You're a Wayfarer. You know this area better than any of us and we need you to show us where you found those Indigo shards. If you do, then these two agreed to retrieve the antidote from Cambria for us. I know you're-”

“Sshhhh.” I hissed. As the chancellor spoke, Vellum’s expression became more drawn. I'd watched the eyes of my comrades turn glassy too many times to ignore what had happened to him.

I nodded at Grisham who approached Vellum slowly, carefully. His large form turning impossibly smaller when he sat before him.

“Vellum,” Grisham spoke softly and the frail man turned to face him, “I'm going to help you clear your mind to remember things that might be helpful to us, but I need your permission to do that.”

“You can… but how?” Vellum asked through strained breath.

“Think of it as cleaning the debris from your mind. Decluttering it so you can focus on what's useful.”

Vellum nodded, “We can… try….”

“Okay, take a deep breath and close your eyes,” Grisham spoke in a hushed, comforting tone.

Grisham sat before Vellum who was still perched at the edge of the hospital bed. Vellum's eyes reluctantly closed, even as his weary gaze swept the room in a final protest. Grisham had a gift for honing in on thoughts we needed to find. Interrogation some called it. But it was nowhere near as brutal as tactics often employed by Facets. Grisham merely unburdened them of painful memories held deeply. Decluttered their minds.

“Think about what you smell here in the room.

What you hear.

Now focus only on the sound of my voice.

Listen to my voice as you search for what we need.

Listen to my voice as you find the Indigo.

Picture it.

Look around.

Tell me what you see.”

Vellum's breathing slowed, his eyelids relaxed. His shoulders dropped away from his ears. He shivered. His voice suddenly more clear. “It's night. It's cold here. We got turned around… lost the trail to Cambria. The sounds of The Watchers are around us. G-getting closer.” His teeth began to chatter.

“We were trying… to get back to Divern. The path was dangerous…. We needed backup…. We could hear them…” Vellum's breath shuddered.

I saw the fear on his face. He pushed it aside in an effort to remember where he was and what he saw, but it was buried under the scaly, translucent skin of the Watchers who found them on that trail. I knew that fear because I'd felt it too. I'd been the best Divern could offer to stop them during the incursion. And I did just that, I killed and maimed dozens of Watchers when they tried to enter the colony. But what I'd lost during that fight, I'd never get back. It was a feeling that drew my pipe to my lips at the thought of it- despair.

I slowly stepped to Vellum and rested my hand on his shoulder. “You're safe now, they can't reach you here.” I retracted my hand quickly as if I'd been burned. Hoping the brief reassurance would help him find what he'd lost.

He inhaled deeply and turned his cheek towards me. Without opening his eyes, he spoke again, “When we retreated. We saw the blue glow of the Indigo. It wasn't a mountainside. It was a cave.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. Indigo had only ever been found on mountain faces. The reason the Angore Colony possessed it in droves, it was a colony alongside the mountain range.

Vellum nodded his head. I looked towards Grisham who nodded as well, no doubt thinking the same thing I was. Our basement wasn't the only underground cache of Indigo.

When Grisham retracted, Vellum opened his eyes, “That's all I can remember.”

“It's alright.” Grisham replied. “The Watchers seem to make us forgetful. Can you take us there?”

“I… believe so,” Vellum’s voice turned frail once again.

“We need weapons,” As soon as I faced The Chancellor, Vellum began to speak again.

“There are… people out there.” Vellum's shaky voice barely noticeable. “We weren't… the only people… in the woods.”

The attention in the room shifted to Vellum. Through the silence, the young Facet spoke, “Another group of Wayfarers. Maybe an expedition from Cambria.”

“No.” Vellum replied, “these people… weren't from the colonies. They spoke… in sounds. Their weapons… were primitive. And the way they moved… when they fought The Watchers. I've only seen it once… before.”

He turned to look into my eyes for the first time. His dark, disheveled hair parted only to reveal his bloodshot blue eyes. The stubble along his jawline matched his dark hair. The slope of his nose drew my eyes to his lips, soft despite his unkempt appearance.

“Only once…” He drew in a deep breath to steady his voice again. As if it took all his focus and energy to do so, “I saw someone moving so quickly you could hardly see her cut them down. Her blade gliding through the air, saving so many of us. Someone so beautiful, I couldn't believe she was real. Someone who never truly got what she deserved,” his eyes widened as he looked at me. It felt as though he were looking at a myth he'd only read about.

“Runel,” I jerked at the sound of The Chancellor’s voice. I'd been so glad to be rid of him when I left the Facets last year, I'd forgotten the way his voice turned my stomach, “We’ll send you with weapons. I'll send you with your weapon.”

My blade. He was going to return it to me.

“Anything else you need for the journey, I'll do what I can to-”

“I'll go,” I interrupted The Chancellor. “I'll do it.”

“And you?” He turned to Grisham, “I need you with her. That's the only way this works.”

Grisham's expression grew fatigued, his eyes shadowed, “Where she goes, I go.”

I bit my lip, still twisting my pipe in the pocket of my greens. I hoped then, that we'd survive out there in the wilds. That we'd come back to Divern with Indigo and answers. But there was more, an unanswered question in Vellum's words. Deep down, I knew we'd get the answers I searched for.

But I could never have prepared myself for the cost.