JUST LEAVE

JUST GET OUT

I can't fuckin take it anymore

You're the reason I cowardly cut myself

Get out

Stay away

Stop giving me looks of hatred

Stop hurting me when I'm already suicidal

Stop being in every one of my thoughts

Please I beg don't try to help

You give me false hope

You destroy me

My life isn't even worth living anymore

Your a contract til death

You're a curse

Are you trying to get me to die!!

I beg give me a reason to let you go

Let me hate you

I'm not taking this much longer

It's like the opposite of society

Nobody cares if you're inconsiderate

Looks take more than smarts receive

Everyone lies to each other

Everyone is too afraid to speak

Yet nobody hesitates to act

Everyone is ignorant

You can be as awful as you want

Nobody cares

You're beautiful

Who cares how you are?

While selfishness rules over love

You could find love

But who cares?

You're beautiful

You were all I had

Every night and every day

Just the thought of you hurt so much

Yet your presence was so amusing

All in my business even if you didn't want to be

Never wanted it to end the way it did

I couldn't have let it end any worse

It's my fault

So why do I blame you

You're too young minded to understand

We were both too young to understand each other

I thought you'd keep trying

You didn't give up until I wasn't ready to lose you.

You were always just an illusion

You were real but different in my mind

I thought you were a dream come true

You were an idea sparked from a beautiful picture

Five years ago I thought so much of you

I thought you were saving my life

But you created a person in me 

And neither of us wanted this change

I guess I was stronger than you, 

To stick around any longer

I didn't know how to deal with it

I'm sorry I created the wrong illusion of myself

Now we're in high school

Now I'm changing again

Now you're only an idea to me

I created more of you than I received

Whenever I see you I feel like you're my creation

Seeing you again is like

Painting a picture with the wrong colors

But I didn't

You came to life

I'm back

Can you hear me?

It's been nearly 5 years since it began

How long did it seem to you?

I'm still trying to figure it out

I still have my cliche poems

Every poem with "you" in it

Im reading through them again

I used to write to express myself

But now I'm reading and trying to remember "hope"

Now with quotes

Because it's all gone

But now at this point I wonder why I'm coming back to the scene

It seems illogical to still be here again

But now that all my hope is gone I'm desperate to feel anything again

Why?

Because I gave you 5 years

Trying to figure out what I should do

Because now you're the only thing keeping me alive

Time is ticking

Come back to me

You open up your heart to the world

But the world beats it up

So don't be surprised

When I shield it with anger

Or my appearance of rage 

It's an instinct to protect what's left of what's the most vulnerable

If there is anyone that lied to me the most

It's myself

Not you 

Not anyone

But I never knew

I couldn't force myself to face the fear in time

I never wanted to believe it 

So you walked away from my life

You Never knew you even had such a fragile object with you

So you dropped it on your way out

You broke me but you never cared to take a second look at me

So people may try to pick up the pieces

Risking my remains will cut them 

But I'll never be together

But because of you I will always be broken

And I can lie to myself as I write 

Thinking ur not the person I misunderstood

But it is not your fault

It was always mine to begin with

I should've never believed in the lies that form whenever I see you.

A new one for every denial I never wanted to face.

There was a moment in the endless time I thought it was all over

A time I convinced myself I could be in all of my mind again

I lied to the people I care for the most

I can't drag them into my ignorance

But I can't ignore growing problems forever

There's not enough time

I can't hide it

I tried to ignore your voice in my head

You still create a huge part of me

You still control my mindAs if I could do everything you want

I saw you today and remembered why I cry when I'm scared 

Why I can't sleep at night

Why during every test I never finish on time. 

I can never escape my pain no matter how far in time I try to escape

Truth is I could write thousands of poems

I could cry a million tears

I could say a billion of love yous

But it will always be a lost memory in time

But here's one more as time goes by

I still love "you" and I'm never letting go with all what's left of my mind

How do you tell who is the strongest?

The bravest?

How do you tell who feels the most pain?

By the people who stopped feeling the pain?

The ones who ignore it?

Or the ones who always feel the most of it?

Every day 

You are forgetting who I am

But every second

I'm trying to remember who you are

What you look like 

And what you have done