You are the sweetest poison I will never taste with every side glance and late night smile you draw me in your every word caressing my entire being like there is no beginning or end just you and me in that singular moment a never ending breath of dying air because with every word you speak my senses are fulfilled but my mind dies my every thought consumed my every heart beat yours a slow burn that never simmers out Slowly destroying everything in its wake but patience my love Time will tell Will you be my immunity or my undoing

I would have kissed him if only to forget your name on my lips I would have touched him if only to erase the promised touches I’ll never get I would have loved him if only to forget how I love you I would have cherished him if only to replace a moment with you but I never one of these things never wanted to try never wanted to have to give my life story to another guy that will give you the world if you would just give me you but I think we both know I’ll never get an I Do

He is everything I should want he’s kind and loving he is handsome and successful, he is talented and most of all he wants me. But why do I want you why do I want fleeting calls and sporadic texts why do I want 1637 miles why do I want crazy hair and a full-fledged nicotine addiction why do I want anger issues and you choosing her why do I want you and I know I could be happy with him I know he would do everything right I know he would show me off to all his friends I know he would send good morning and good night text I know he would commit in a away you never could so why do I want you?

My family tells me I just need to go out again “someone new will make you feel much better” “just go out with a new guy” it’s not that I don’t have the offers but what if I don’t want something new? what if I don’t want another awkward first date, another talking sage that will lead nowhere, another first kiss, because I still want you. And I know that’s not logical or realistic because you have already started to have those first again but how can I start again when you are my first and last thought everyday? How can I move on when you still keep me up at night and wake me up with a FaceTime call? How can I move on when I still fall harder and harder everyday? How can I move on when no man makes me feel the way you did? How can I move on without you?

I don’t think I could do this forever being you’re something when you are my everything I don’t think you’ll ever I really understand how I look at you you are the exception you are the reason I let my walls come down you are the reason I saw a future you are my reason to love and my reason to live you are the air I breathe your every thought in my mind you are my world baby...

and even though I’m not yours I don’t think this is some thing I could ever change they say that having any part of someone is better than nothing but what if my part of you is slowly killing me day in and day out watching you and falling deeper every day as you fall for others time and time again at what point is the pain to much at what point do I let my piece of you go

I want your last name

I want your early mornings and your late nights

I want your rants about video games

I want your song lyrics even when they’re not good

I want you bad times and you’re good

I want the parts of you that you think you hide

I want your drunken thoughts and you’re sober lies I want your everything even when it’s not good

I want your hopes and all your fears

I want your eyes as they grow with your years

I want your cheeks as I wipe away your tears

I want your kids with a smile like mine

but I’ll never have that because you said goodbye

You looked at me like I was a game

I looked at you like you were my future

You started every conversation with hey

I started thinking of forever

Because well you got to know me mind body and soul

I should’ve known your heart was black as coal

because well I started to let you in

Now I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again

Because while I was falling for you you were falling for her

while you were saying my name you didn’t mean a word

Because somewhere along the line you started to change

so it was no longer me but just a challenging game

so I hope you’re happy with her I really do

I hope she knows what to do when you change your view

because while I was constant you were not

so go enjoy that girl who you thought was hot

I don’t think I’ll ever stop

Stop thinking of you

Stop wishing you would think of me

Stop knowing that you were it for me

Stop dreaming of the life we could have had

Stop hoping you will change your mind

Stop praying you’ll choose me

But you did, stop

Stopped calling

Stopped laughing

Stopped planning

Stopped talking

Stopped caring

Stopped being the man I fell in love with

You used to be the nothing that I was talking about when people would ask me why I was smiling but anymore you are the nothing and I’m talking about when people ask me what’s wrong? The nothing that makes me cry myself to sleep every night you’re the nothing that makes me lose all hope because while you used to be the nothing that I talked about behind blushing texts and late night calls you’re now the nothing that makes me regret ever picking up the phone at all because you weren’t nothing you were something you were everything you were all I could’ve wanted but despite the fact that you were nothing in a passing phase I was nothing to you at all

You used to be the nothing that I was talking about when people would ask me why I was smiling but anymore you are the nothing and I’m talking about when people ask me what’s wrong? The nothing that makes me cry myself to sleep every night you’re the nothing that makes me lose all hope because while you used to be the nothing that I talked about behind blushing texts and late night calls you’re now the nothing that makes me regret ever picking up the phone at all because you weren’t nothing you were something you were everything you were all I could’ve wanted but despite the fact that you were nothing in a passing phase I was nothing to you at all