The first text read: Can’t wait to hurt you tonight.

Remi blinked. She knew Jesse meant see. He showed up later with takeout and his usual grin, no malice in sight. She laughed it off as autocorrect.

But then her mother: Hope you’re eating poorly.

Her best friend Sarah: Sorry I’m late, got stuck in traffic with my real best friend.

She started keeping screenshots. At first it was almost funny, until it wasn’t. The substitutions grew sharper.

An interview invite: We’d love to reject you for the position.

Her father, after years of silence: I never forgave you for what happened.

Sarah again: Can’t hang out tonight, I hate spending time with you.

And finally Jesse, the worst: Love you, hope you die soon.

She began replying to the poison. Confronting Jesse and accusing Sarah. They looked at her like she’d lost her mind. They swore their messages were normal and on their screens the words showed fine. Only hers came warped.

Her days twisted around it. She refreshed threads every hour, desperate to catch a message before it shifted. She deleted apps, reinstalled them, restarted her phone in the middle of the night. Once she even tried sleeping with the phone in the freezer thinking the cold would shock it honest. Each time, the words came back like bruises she gave herself.

Her phone vibrated. She almost didn’t look.

Jesse’s message glowed: Wish you were here with me.

The words finally held. But she still read them twice, convinced she’d missed the damage.

Even love, once certain, felt like a story she kept rereading into betrayal.

even when you

love me

wrong

or not at all

even when you

make me question

if i’m lovable

at all

i end up

hating myself

even more

not just

because of you

but because i still choose you

knowing you won’t stop

reminding me

of my flaws

and even in silence

i hear it again—

your voice

the only time

you ever want to sit and talk

i hold my breath

knowing it means

you’ve made the list

the listing of

everything i do wrong

i still hear

the last one

from ten days ago

like a tape

i can’t shut off

and then

you call me

nuts

especially when i say

i don’t want to talk

but i still

circle back

to love you

i just tiptoe

around the explosives

you thought

it was a forever

kind of love,

that you would

do all the things

that people do

when they see

eternity

in the eyes

of that

someone

who makes them

feel

whole

though

they never

knew they were

incomplete

before;

no,

not until

after

do you recognize

the empty

hollow

space,

the excruciating

loss.

and so,

you write

to fill the void

dam the tears

dull the ache;

you write

to remember,

but especially,

to forget.

Daylight lingers

as Dusk bleeds

languorous in parting

like lovers, stalling

he plants one last kiss upon

her violet bruised horizon

his supplicant gesture

goes unanswered

as she silently

slips

away

it's all poetry

most never captured

recorded written out

how could it be

life gushing out splashing

from a wellspring beyond

it doesn't come from you

limitations acknowledged

but through you

"You cry in your sleep."

"Bullshit, no way."

She stops looking at her phone and turns her face towards his. He has a disbelieving half-smile on his face, his own phone drooping towards his lap.

"Not every time, but earlier today, when you napped? Yeah. And Friday night. No shit." She goes back to scrolling. "You want to talk about it?"

"How can I talk about something that I've no idea I'm doing?"

She shrugs, the topic closed for her. "I thought you should know, in case, you know, anyone ever notices."

He's reminded of the dream he had when he dozed off mid-afternoon. He's stricken with an urge to call his mother's sister.

Scrolling through his phone again, he shifts over to his contact list.

His family occupies about a third of the people saved.

Of those, there are only two left who can ever answer a phone call again.

She isn't one of them.

A seance of words

lifting your dormant spirits

to a higher place

Excerpts taken from Star Trek: The Next Generation S5E14 "Conundrum"

In a small apartment an old man relaxed in his recliner with a blanket draped across his lap, eyes gazing listlessly out of the window, when he heard a knock. He turned to face the door as a young man cautiously entered, smiling.

"What are you doing in my room?" the old man asked, brow furrowed.

The young man held up a plastic DVD case. "It's Sunday. And on Sundays, we watch Star Trek."

The old man nodded. "That's right. We do. I guess I forgot what day of the week it was."

"We're on Season Five. Episode Fourteen. Conundrum. This one's fun," the young man said, crossing the room to the television. He pulled a folding chair from the wall, settled in beside the old man, and pressed play.

Data: Intriguing. You have devised a completely unanticipated response to a classic attack. You will checkmate my king in seven moves.

The old man scoffed. "No way Deanna beats Data. He's an android."

"You always say that," the young man chuckled.

"Because it’s true. The day that happens is the day I forget my own name."

Riker: The rules on this ship do not change just because Ro Laren decides they do.

A slight smile crossed the old man's face. "My father was like that. Rules were rules."

"Oh yeah?" the young man asked. "You haven't talked about him much. "

"He was tough. Fair, mostly. But tough. We butted heads when I was young. Looking back that was mostly my fault. I always thought I knew more than I did. The curse of youth."

Riker: I don't know who any of you are.

Picard: Nor do I. I don't... I don't even remember who I am.

The old man’s expression sobered. "Have I ever told you I served in the Navy? Can't image forgetting my crewmates. That's a fate worse than death."

The young man nodded. "You've mentioned it. Sounds like you served with a lot of great men."

"Some of the finest I've ever known. They shaped who I am today."

"Oh, here's the intro!" The young man interrupted.

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise...

"Never gets old," the old man murmured.

"It sure doesn't. I love Star Trek. My grandfather got me into it. We used to sit down and watch it together just like this."

"Smart man," the old man nodded. “I usually don’t watch much television, but Trek gives me hope for the future. I worry about where the world’s headed for you youngins. You thank him for introducing you to it.”

"I'll make sure to do that"

Riker to Picard: It looks like you're the leader.

Worf: Perhaps we should not jump to conclusions. I am decorated as well.

They both burst into laughter.

"Of course Worf thinks he's in charge," the old man said.

"Hey, he's got the presence," the young man replied. "Just not the diplomacy."

The old man chuckled. "You're right there, son. He sure does have presence. "

Dr. Crusher: I didn't even think. I just picked it up and knew how to use it. At least I have an idea of what I'm doing here.

"Reminds me of my daughter," the old man beamed. "She’s a doctor, and a damn good one. She works at the hospital downtown. Sharp as a tack. Got that from her mother."

"I know," the young man warmly replied. "You talk about her a lot. Sounds like she's doing great."

"She is."

After a pause the young man added, "You know, my mom was a doctor too. She passed a few years ago. Car accident. I miss her."

The old man turned toward him. "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure she was a special woman to have raised a young man like you."

"She was."

Ro to Riker: You don't strike me as a man who needs a holodeck to have a good time.

"This scene always cracks me up," the young man laughed. "They can’t stand each other. One memory wipe and now she’s flirting.”

"That’s how it started with my wife," the old man grinned wide. "When we first met we argued like cats and dogs. I think I annoyed her on purpose cause she was so beautiful when she was angry. I didn't need amnesia to turn the tide, though. Just had to wear her down."

The young man laughed. "That's hard to believe."

"Believe it," the old man said with a wink.

Deanna: The bartender is an artificial life-form.

Data: Can I get you something? A beverage?

They both burst out in laughter.

"Data slinging drinks. That’s rich," the old man cackled.

"Wish I had him on my shift, I'd make him do all the work, " the young man laughed.

"You're a bartender? I figured you'd be in school."

"I tried the college thing for a semester. Thought I could be an engineer but... School just isn't my thing. I can make a mean Old Fashioned, though."

"You’ve got potential for more. Don’t waste it behind a bar. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders."

"Thanks," the young man smiled. "That means a lot."

Worf: Captain. I regret my recent behavior. I assumed an attitude of authority that was... unwarranted.

Picard: Mr. Worf, we're all doing the best we can in a difficult situation. Think nothing more of it."

"Apologizing takes guts,” the old man said. “Good for Worf.”

"Yeah, but I agree with Picard" the young man replied. "It's not Worf's fault he couldn't remember. It's not anyone's fault..."

Data: Perhaps my origin is unique. In that case, I am alone.

The old man sighed. "Loneliness isn’t always about being alone. It’s about feeling forgotten. I wish my daughter would come visit. I know she's busy, though..."

"You’re not forgotten," the young man whispered.

Riker: Oh, we were just discussing the situation we're all in.

Ro: Good. Because I have a feeling that I used to be the jealous type.

"I bet that's how it is for you," the old man teased. "All the ladies chasing you."

The young man laughed. "I’m more of a Geordi. I'm hopeless when it comes to women."

"Well, Geordi had heart and so do you. That's not a bad thing. You just need to find the right girl."

Picard: I need some moral context to justify that action. And I don't have it. I'm not content simply to obey orders. I need to know that what I'm doing is right.

The old man leaned back. "Always wanted to be more like Picard. Calm. Decisive. He's a man of strong morals."

"He reminds me of my grandfather," the young man said with a smile. "He's always trying to do what's right."

"Sounds like a good man."

"He is."

The old man looked at him. "You should invite him next time. I’d like to meet the man who got his grandkid to watch Star Trek."

The young man smiled. "I’ll see what I can do."

As the crew's memory was restored and the episode reached its happy end, the old man's head nodded forward drifting off to sleep.

The young man stood, turned off the TV, and slid the DVD back into its case.

As he walked toward the doorway he paused and turned to smile at the peacefully sleeping man.

"See you next Sunday, Grandpa."

Binary Choices in a Flowchart World

June 17, 2025

I obtained an 1894 Morgan silver dollar yesterday.

I decided to let it decide my future today.

7am: Heads, I get out of bed; tails, I sleep in.

8am: Heads, I fight traffic and drive into work; tails, I take a rideshare and read a book instead.

9am: Heads, I speak with Debbie about her book club choice, “Pride and Prejudice”; tails, I keep my mouth shut.

10am: Heads, I keep working to meet a deadline; tails, give book club another chance.

11am: Heads, take all of the copies of “Pride and Prejudice” I find in the trash can to Goodwill during my lunch; Tails, watch Debbie’s reaction to seeing all of the copies of “Pride and Prejudice” in the trash can right before her book club lunch meeting.

Noon: Heads, try sushi and green tea at my desk; tails, devour pizza slices like I was in college.

1pm: Heads, suck up to the boss and begin a new project because I am ahead; tails, hide from my boss until quitting time.

2pm: Heads, meet the new client at a bar, hoping to close additional business; tails, remain at my desk working until close of business.

3pm: Heads, show the new client my silver dollar because they see me using it; tails, give the new clients my silver dollar because they signed the contract.

4pm: Discover DoorDash delivers silver dollars to neighborhood bars.

5pm: Heads, depart the bar, because it is the end of the business day; tails, make sure I always have a few extra Morgan silver dollars on hand at all times.

6pm: Discover a waitress who is impressed with a man using Morgan silver dollars, although rideshare still wants cash.