You go and run your mouth

Not caring what I say

Tell me how to feel,

Can you tell me how to think?

Oh my apologies

I forgot that I wasn’t my “own”

Just another “carbon copy”

With the same way of thinking,

And feeling as you

I mean how else would explain?

The gnawing disgust and fear

In every mirror when I wake up.

When I look and want to shed

This awful skin that won’t come off

When the sounds of my voice

Forces me into a state of silence

That constant film on repeat

Where everyone knows the lines

To the character you are “meant” to play

But you are just froze

In silence

Stage fright eating away at you

And all you can do is go along

And smile…

Smile through the pain

Oh wait…

“I don’t feel this way” to you

I guess it’s not real then

But wait it is!

Because I am who I am

And you aren’t me

My thoughts aren’t yours

Nor anyone else’s

I’m not doing this for attention

Or to “fit” in

I’m doing this for me

To be myself

Completely

Without letting others’ get in the way

Because for so long

I tried to be what everyone wanted

I didn’t think of me

All I thought was if others’ were happy

I did everything

And what did it get me?

Nothing!

I tried to make people happy

Nobody stays satisfied

And you can try, try, try

And keep thinking

If you make them content

Then you will be happy

But that doesn’t happen!

You can’t expect to build yourself up

If you never put yourself first

’Cause people are going to break you

Take your stones

And try to ruin the very foundation

That keeps you alive

And like a sun

That pushed away the clouds

I realized this

If I want to be happy

Then I got to be myself

Nothing compares

To the way I feel

When I look in that mirror

And see actually see

My smile spreads on my face

And I am ready for the day

The comfort from the layers

That hides what shouldn’t be

I won’t throw myself away for others

Instead I’m on a path

A path to just being me

A path to happiness

Because what really is life worth

To push yourself around

If you aren’t happy in the end?

A stolen apple from the shop

Taken by a thief in the night

Was the thief to blame?

Or was it the apple?

The thief was the one,

Who committed the crime

But the apple,

Sat around unknowingly

It didn’t call out to be stolen

It didn’t call out to be eaten

But yet, it still happened

The damaged screen of a phone

Broken by a careless owner

Was the owner to blame?

Or was it the phone?

The owner was the one,

Who threw it enraged

But the phone,

Tried it’s best to function

It didn’t call out to be broken

It didn’t mean to malfunction

But yet, it still happened

A person hiding their pain

Being belittled by others

Were the others to blame?

Or was it the person?

The others were the ones,

Who made him feel at fault

But the person,

Tried everything to be happy

He didn’t want to be hated

He didn’t ask to be abused

But yet, it still happened

Your eyes

They cut through me

"Please don't"

But my words won't escape

I smile

With all the lies I hold

Just smile

I'll keep it up just for you

I'll forget

No point in remembering

I'll forget

Don't dwell on the past

I'll forget

If it makes you smile

If it makes you happy

If it makes you love me

Just forget

All the misfortune caused

All the pain inside

I'll smile on the outside

Just forget

But

I'll never forget

Drip Drop.

It resonates in my soul

Longs for acceptance

As it splashes on my face

I carry not a shield

From this invasion

I have not the protection

To ease this pain

So I march forward

And refuse to accept it

Splish-splash.

This isn't half bad

My feet dance along

A mere distraction

From the thoughts inside

Keeps the storm at bay

Rat-at-tat-ta.

I spoke too soon

To turn a blind eye

But what you can't see,

You hear

And what you can't hear,

You feel

It's only natural

It can be helpful

Sometimes necessary

Yet

Why do I want it to stop?

Mr. Clockwork,

Where's all your nuts and bolts?

Your tools and dilly-dads?

Why so empty?

The broken come to be fixed

The jars want to be filled

The books need to be used

So why are you stuck in place?

Not doing a single thing.

You stand for hours collecting dust

Not a movement to be seen

It's hard to believe you're even running

With such a loss of time

Have you forgotten?

All the functions inside you?

If I touched the time...

If I tried to help you

Would it even matter?

Stop staring at the wall!

Answer me!

Why won't you...

Answer me, Mr Clockwork?...

Whether Christmas is covered in snow or filled with golden sunshine,

Whether there are gifts under the tree or none at all,

Through riches and through poverty,

All I ask for, is the forget me nots in my heart to be nutured.

These forget me nots, can only be taken care of with love of someone dear.

Someone who cares for me and doesn’t mind the mess, the mess of dirt and pain, but instead makes me someone better than what I use to be.

I long for the many Christmases that we will spend together.

Through storms and through rainbows,

I hope that myself as well, can help the forget me nots in your heart grow as well,

And in the end, know that it was all worth it and that life wasn’t so bad in the fields of flowers we roam.

The field flowers of love that are forever evergrown.

Hello whoever reading this. You probably don't know me nor will ever get to know me I'm afraid because today it finally happened. Today, zombies have started to take over the world and eat everyone's brains. Yes, zombies are one hundred percent real.... Trust me on that because I ran into one today. 

   It used to be my old friend back in elementary school, but we have grew apart as time passed between us. I couldn't forgive some things she did which is probably why we grew apart but I never wanted this to happen to her...

   I was walking down the street and saw her across the street just standing there. I decided that I will go say hi and catch up a bit with her. When out of nowhere zombies started sulking down the street in search of brains, but they also started to crawl their way out of the house behind her. 

   "ELLIE! LOOK OUT BEHIND-" I shouted trying to warn her when a zombie came up from behind wrapping his undead rotten arms around​ her tightly. CHOMP.... He had bitten her...The sound echoed as blood dripped down my now emotionless and pale friend's face. The cracked skull, the exposed brain being eaten, so much freaking blood, and her face...Her face....Her.....

   Dear whoever is alive, I must apologize for it seems this entry is getting wet from tears which is never good to have. I also cannot continue writing the memory for my own sake. It's too painful, and the thing is I use to love her, but I always cared. I hated that we grew apart and wanted to make it up....but that will never happen now... I couldn't even save her, I just ran, ran as fast and far as I could.

    I am not a fighter, person. I hope that you are though because maybe you can survive and save everyone from this terrible fate. Oh no.... It's seems they have found me. I can hear their clawing and calling from outside my door. They are breaking it down as I right these last words. I'm afraid my time has come but it's not too late for you. Be strong...

Ellie is that you?...

You don't know, but it's getting harder for me to hide

In all my little white lies

I try to give you hope

But it's getting hard for me to cope

I don't even believe my own words

All I see is failure on repeat

It won't be long before you know I'm a deck of cards

With every game there is always a defeat

So play the game, play the game

Play till all my cards are torn apart

When too many get lost, and in the end I'll be the one to blame

Because I let you play with something broken from the start

I might seem brand new and perfect

Take a closer look and you will see 

Every little flaw in me

And every huge conflict

So play the game, play the game

Until you get tired of me too

Light the match and bring on the flame

Burn everything I ever was and ever thought I knew

Because in the end, it doesn't matter

All the pain will go away

No more cards to scatter

No games left to play

There will be no more deck of cards

For even ashes blow away

And everything will be gone without a trace.

Leaves are rustling down the street

The sweet scent of autumn everywhere 

Long time friends come to meet

To have fun and perhaps a good scare

Spooky things... 

Fall enjoyment...

Happy feelings...

Letters being sent...

Sweater weather...

Costumes to wear...

Feeling light as a feather 

In an evening fair.

This is by far my favourite time of the year.

Happy Halloween guys!~

One, two, three...

I spot the red sea

Four, five, six...

I'm a broken mess you can't fix

Seven, eight, ten...

Looks like I've done it again

I gave into voices in my head

Believing everything they said

Breaking skin creating soon to be scars

Just for short relief making me see stars

But it doesn't last forever

The fear creeps up on me and I say never

Never again but it's all a lie

One that no one can spy

Because they don't realise how broken I am

And I'm caught in a jam

It gets harder...

Too hard....