I wonder how I’m going to feel when he’s gone.

I wonder how my heart will stay in one piece.

I wonder how my mind is going to stay calm.

I wonder how my world will stop itself from imploding.

I wonder how my soul will contain this explosion.

I wonder how I’m going to heal myself when he’s gone.

I wonder if I will ever feel again once he is gone.

I wonder if I will ever laugh again.

I wonder if I will ever dream again.

I wonder if I will ever live again.

I wonder if I will ever yearn for another’s touch again.

I wonder if I will ever fall in love again, once he is gone.

I am everything I have ever yearned to spiritually transcend

I am every design that has ever hungered for life within my dreams

I am everything I have ever desired to be

I could not ever want to be any one other than me

I am everything that I have ever tried to mentally conceive

I've skillfully molded the perfect form of me

I am the rarest version of me

Cell by cell I'm building a replica of me 

She will be just like me but harder than me 

She will be me but colder than me 

Less caring than me 

I will look her in her eyes and fall in love with her 

I will hold her close and let all of this love flow into her 

I will mold her body to mine and feel us as one 

I will wrap my arms around her and make her mine 

I will step inside her and guide her through this world 

I will love her more than I love myself 

I will protect her and embrace her like no one else 

I'm her soul healer 

She needs no one else

I used to look up in the sky and feel scared 

I didn't know why 

I felt overwhelmed 

I wanted to cry 

Now I look in the sky and just float away into the light 

Soar high

Immersed in everything

Now I know why

#freefalling #flyhigh #ascending #soarlikeaneagle

Imagine yourself feeling like the bottom of the world has all of a sudden fell from under you and you're falling in an endless tumble.

Imagine yourself all alone with no one to talk to, no one to trust with your feelings, and no one to trust with your fears.

Imagine yourself seeing everyone around you blind to your despair because you have told them you are ok!

Imagine yourself looking back at yourself and wishing you could just die inside because this pain is torturing you inside!

I use to cry out to God

Asking Him why did He give me so much love that it hurt me so bad inside

Asking why He make me to love so hard that it shattered me to pieces inside

I use to cry out to God

Telling Him how much I was hurt inside

Telling Him how much I was destroyed inside

You know, He never answered back to me.

Why?

Because in the rebirth of it all....

I realize why God filled me with all this Love inside

I understand why I had to be broken inside

I understand why I had to feel so torn inside

I realize why God repeatedly allowed me to die inside

Just so you know, He answered me back this time.

Why?

He wanted me to feel the depths of despair so I would never break someone else inside

He wanted me to know that I could never leave someone so broken they could not heal inside

He wanted to show me that each time I loved I would be reborn inside

She sat there thinking how she could do him like she did them all in the end: Drove them away! Left them no choice but to not want to stay. She turned cold so she could freeze them all away. She became calm so she could hide the chaos inside. She was master of the wave. She knew the right tone and angle to do what she had to do. She knew it was time to tell him to go.

She wanted to tell him that she didn’t need him anymore. It just wasn’t going like she wanted it and she wanted out. She knew he was stubborn. He would block her out and not let her come back to him. Even if she begged him he would not give in. She knew that if she told him he would let her go. She was so torn inside. She wanted to get as far away from him as possible. She also wanted to hold him so close to her that they could barely breathe. She didn’t ever want to let him go.

Her throat tightened. The pain threatened to engulf her. She wanted to love him forever. She wanted him to lay inside her forever. She wanted to cradle her face in the curve of his neck as he wrapped his arms around her. His hands caressing her back as she lay there with her legs entwined in his and her arms enclosing his head in her hands. Her beautiful king lay here beside her - forever if she asked him to - but she knew she had to let him go. 

The right one will find me

The one who can elevate me

The one who can master the wave

The one who can maneuver the crest and amplify my frequency

I need a man not a boy

I need someone strong and confident

I need someone intellectual and spiritual

I need someone humorous and feeling me

I need the one whose not afraid to explore within me

My time is energy best not wasted

Increases you and makes you stronger

Fills you up and makes you powerful

My time is like wealth fills you with riches and makes you king

I chose you because I knew you don't want to love me

I know you would resist me

I wouldn't have to regret when it's time to leave you alone

I could love you and not be forced to hold on

I could leave you and life could still go on

There's few stronger than me mentally and emotionally

There's few who can walk through an ocean of emotion

I can love you the hardest with the sweetest nectar of devotion

I can love you the deepest more overwhelming than the deepest depths of the sea

Make myself feel like the world is heaven around you

Make myself learn the world is not heaven without you

And I can walk away from you like it never ever happened