If crying is poetry than I am the greatest poet of them all.

I am crying even when there are no tears in my eyes

When my cheeks are dry

And all the passerby’s pass by

The coffee shop I worked at for a while,

Before I knew what it meant to feel.

And now I know that feeling is to dial

Down the reaction

Even as your insides are filling up with emotions

Continue going through the motions

Because no matter what happens the fabric of time continues being woven

The stars continue in silent explosion

And the only notion

Anyone has is to keep pushing as much as they can.

As much as they planned to.

Life is living in the blue,

Or living on cue

Or turning away from the truth.

I’m left with my nothing but what’s inside of me.

Liquifying in the place of tears

My heart bleeding in the face of fears

Emotions leaking out of every crack of the old home which is my body

My body which is my home

Filling with water or blood,

Blood is thicker than water.

I feel heavy.

Sinking down so messy

Into uncried tears.

Uncried poetry

If crying is poetry than I am the greatest poet of all.

Each year, each tear a poem falls

And the unrest calls

The burden of feeding this feeling - a haul.

If crying is poetry I am the greatest poet of all. And nothing can silence my cry.

It’s all about the little things,

The little things

The smallest dreams:

Cups of honey, honey in tea;

Long lost thoughts and

Broken keys.

Keys that unlock the

Smallest dreams dreamt -

Dreams forgotten, days not spent.

The little things,

Like days with friends,

Nights with lovers

Where words are meant.

Yellow flowers, mint tea,

A cinnamon scent;

All are things.

Things like warm hugs,

Warm socks, warm mittens

Warm love - love more,

Passed from hands to hearts

Through hearts to dreams.

Write them down,

The dreams- the smallest of them all,

Put them in boxes.

Take the key but

Don’t turn the lock.

Keep moving forward.

Always remember the past,

Life always keeps going-

Forever too fast.

Buy flowers and honey-

Put it in your tea.

Spend nights with lovers,

Say words you mean.

Love hard love loud,

Dive in headfirst.

It’s the only damn way

To cure your thirst

For dreams of a life

You have not lived.

It’s all about the little things,

They turn your blues away.

Focus on the little things.

It’ll all be okay.

The way I loved you

Was heated.

Like a fire that burns

A broken house down to the ground

Like I was the one who lit the match

That caused the explosion.

I loved you like a fire

And it burned for the little things.

The flames ate at the blue curtains on the window slowly-

Like how you said my name,

Sounding out each syllable

As if it was the best thing you've ever said.

The frames around the doors cracked

And so are my lips.

You always waited until I stopped talking

To steal the breath from my lungs

You always remembered what I said.

Just like the land will remember the foundation

Long after it's turned to ash.

I miss you like the embers the

Broken house left:

Yearning for a roof

And the safety of your arms.

There's nothing left to burn,

Yet the heat is more intense than ever.

The thing about a fire

Is that even though there's nothing left,

The coals can always do more damage,

And there's no telling when it will stop.

All words left unsaid

Take over my mind.

They fill my heart with lead.

I do nothing but sigh.

I have your number dialed

I even open my mouth,

I take a deep breath,

nothing comes out.

The words spark

Heinous thoughts.

I wonder if you have

These same feelings I've caught.

The unsaid words twist around in my head.

I dread your reaction,

So I keep quiet instead.

I let these unsaid remarks be what they are.

Unspoken. Unimportant. Torturous and boring.

So goodnight, I hope you sleep soundly; I won't. I hope you've said all you mean, all you want, all your dreams.

My dream is you.

But that'll never be spoken, instead it's

Floating around in my head, broken.

We had strawberry ice cream

To match the strawberry sky's.

It tasted almost as sweet as your summer lies.

It was so sweet

I didn't notice the vines at my feet.

The cool touch on my tongue

Distracted me from the thorns growing in my lungs.

We were there, licking the red off our fingers,

It wasn't until you left

I noticed the knife in my back,

And the sticky sweetness on my hands wasn't ice cream at all.

It was blood.

You caught my heart

Like a child catches fireflies in Summer.

You told me you cared,

Told me to jump into the deep end

With my eyes closed.

I stuck my feet in,

Got used to the temperature

And joined you for a swim.

You dove to the bottom

And showed me how to make friends with the fish.

As I was marveling over lost treasures

I became hooked onto a sunken anchor.

I cried out for help,

But you were already floating to the surface

To look at the stars.

I was left in the deep

Already forgetting how to breathe.

For Anna

There are about a million ways

I could start this.

A million memories on file -

I flip through them trying to find the perfect place to begin,

But everything is messed up.

These files are unorganized, chaotic, messy and spread out

And I can't tell, sometimes, I can't tell which ones fall where in time, can you?

It's hard, to grasp the enormity of it.

These memories are like the universe,

One after another the galaxies fly around me, stars hitting me in the face,

The pages spin down like leaves in Fall.

Beautiful. Dead.

We walked through the doors on the first day of high school, arms linked,

Terrified, excited.

Do you remember that day?

Do you remember that feeling?

That feeling like nothing is in our control

But everything is in our grasp.

Remember homecoming?

How excited we were

Our first 'grown up' event

You did my hair and

We spent the night dancing and

giggling about boys.

That night we looked at the sky,

At the galaxies - we shouted, screamed

At the openness of it all

We were at the top of the world.

The stars were beautiful that night,

We felt just as pretty.

When I moved I learned a number of lessons that only life can teach you like how friends can break your heart just as badly as those giggled over boys,

And how lonely Summer can be

Left alone with the shattered pieces.

You taught me a best friend holds the glue required to piece it back together.

For the last three years we have lived almost three thousand miles apart

And you remain the one person I want to confide in before anyone else.

Do you remember all of the secrets?

All the whispered, over the phone secrets

I told you when my parents thought I was asleep?

Probably not.

You've heard so many stories about

Fights with my parents,

Drama with friends,

Boys.

You see that's not the point here.

It's not the stories that matter.

It's the fact that you listened, you cared,

You were there for it all.

Do you remember that night?

Do you know which one I'm talking about?

I was home alone all night

Making DIY ripped jeans

Pulling the strings out

One after another.

There were so many.

It was midnight when I called you.

You didn't pick up.

I left a voicemail.

I don't remember what I said

but I was trying not to cry.

I looked through the window at the stars,

At all the galaxies and planets,

I was comforted by the fact we were under

The same sky.

I went back to pulling the strings out one by one. There were so many.

Almost as many as the stars in the sky

The memories running through my brain.

The pages in those files.

My phone rang.

I let it ring three times before picking up.

It was you.

I asked you,

I asked you if it would matter if I was gone

Because all I could think about

We're how the stars would still shine,

How words will always be written onto new pages and those pages forever added into new files.

You almost cried, I think,

I barely remember the conversation

But I think you almost cried.

Do you remember?

How you made me call you every day for a week to make sure I wasn't thinking those same thoughts.

I don't know what I would have done without you.

You told me.

You told me that, yes,

The stars would still shine and

Yes words would forever be written down onto new pages which would forever be added into new files but you told me that

You would no longer find them beautiful.

That we would no longer share a sky.

That sky

That we danced and sang under like the

Silly littler girls we were.

You saved my life that night. You did that.

Now I get to grow into a silly old woman with you.

You did that.

And now we're graduating.

You and me.

We aren't walking out those same doors.

We're not arm and arm.

But I know you're by my side.

And I am scared,

Terrified and excited for whatever comes next.

Nothing is in our control.

Everything is in our grasp.

Anna

Thank you for getting me here.

Happiness comes when it's least expected.

It slips in quietly - like a ghost -

Undetected.

It comes in different forms.

Often, rarely,

Away too long, never stays too long.

Found in a note, a flower, a smile.

If I were stronger I’d say this louder

My friends, I don't know what to say

All this happiness is underway

Rare to find such a wonderful sight,

True happiness brings such a delight.

But much like the rain -

It comes in an instant, an hour, a minute.

And leaves even quicker,

Forever imprinted.

Let it in while it's present.

When it's gone let it go.

If you hold it too tight it'll grow demented

Happiness is happiness no matter where or how.

Be careful,

You'll miss it.

Take the time, look around.

- S.C. 2017

Kiss me like I am the stars.

Like I am made of the stardust

Your mind created,

Like I created the moon.

Kiss me like I am the universe.

Like I am the favorite verse

To your favorite song

Like I am your favorite flavor of ice cream -

The cream in your coffee and

The coffee to your life.

Kiss me like you mean it.

Like you love me.

Kiss me.