if you could give me anything today, i'd wish for the knowledge that you're alright. 

that while i'm blowing out candles, you're lighting some-illuminating your life and self with the little things that make you happy. 

two out of nineteen wishes today are for you. 

i wish you to be happy, okay.

i wish you to know you're still cared for and loved and that you deserve only the best.

thank you.

The Fates are getting old.

Stiff hands and stifling groans,

They attempt to cut the strings of fate

With fumbling fingers 

They sew our stories.

What we call bad timing,

The Fates call Arthritis. 

Early one morning the mist rose,

In a world like this, literature tells us 

water flows vertical.

One day someone noticed a man singing.

I began to copy his song

Voices flowing with the water;

I am to imitate his practice.

He talks about song and water and how 

They both flow endlessly. 

My walls shake

They ache

I'm filled with this emotion

Confliction it's an affliction and

I don't know how to feel.

Drinking is bad

You do it cause you're sad

And now writing this poem

Is making me mad but

I don't know how to feel.

I don't want to think I've lost you

You were my light

I loved you with all my might

These emotions all they do is fight so

I don't know how to feel.

Imagine a balloon, he said.

Picture all your grief,

The guilt, the sorrow.

Inside you, sitting in a 

     Bucket.

Pen twirling in his hand

Eyes careful and calculating,

He told me to fill up my balloon.

Transfer all those emotions-

The guilt. The grief. The sorrow-

Into the balloon, that's floating next to 

     You.

Watch them flow-

The guilt. The grief. The sorrow-

From being trapped inside you,

Into this balloon, and let it

Simply float 

     Away.

The worst therapist ever

sitting in front of me.

His hair stringy and greasy

Wire glasses hiding his dollar sign stare.

This couch reeks of sweat and regret

Why am I here, I don't deserve to be here

It should've been

     Me.

A cough. A sniff. 

He clears his throat and attempts to

Stare into my soul but

There's nothing there.

Nothing left anymore. 

It jumped out of me when you 

     Jumped.

I always said one day we'd fly away together...

Not like this. Not like that.

You spread your wings

Only they didn't catch the wind and you

     Fell.

A downward spiral

Accelerating faster faster

Until suddenly

     Still.

He told me to fill a bucket with

My guilt. My grief. My sorrow.

That I could put it all inside this fictitious balloon

And watch it dissipate into thin air.

I look up. I stare. I blink. I finally 

     Speak.

I am the bucket,

Red and shiny and capable of

Handling anything coming my way but

I am not filled with these emotions,

I have been 

     Consumed.

It's not that I am bogged down by

This muddy sorrow, guilt and grief.

It's that this overflowing pain has turned me,

Shiny and red and capable, into something

Faded black and grey and

     Tainted.

It's not that I'm too full to do anything.

It's that I'm too empty to feel

     Anything.

I've lost so many people

So many stars, claimed by the night.

A catastrophic explosion, a supernova.

I'm terrified of you slipping away

Fear is a black hole eating me up

From the inside out.

You are beautiful. 

You don't need me to be a constellation,

To be whole. Complete.

I wished upon a shooting star.

A firework. 

A flash of light illuminating my heart

Streaking through my mind.

I made a mistake. 

I sent you off to space.

Interstellar, Interstellar.

In a perpetual state between stars.

I'm just a space traveler, making their way

Across the galaxy looking for light. 

We look for our place in the universe 

Yours with me, and mine with you. 

That's what we are. 

Lost astronauts, tumbling through time and space.

Light finds us, light leaves us.

We survive, but are we living?

Maybe I was meant to tumble alone in the dark.

It's safe and cold. No one to hurt. 

Interstellar.

I'm a supernova.

A star shining so bright it blinds.

A catastrophic explosion. 

Catastrophe. Entropy. 

A lack of order in the universe. 

A measure of chaos.

We find each other,

We tumble through life.

We cry together,

We feel alone in the strife. 

The world is watching

As we soar far above.

Far from light,

With no one to love. 

The lie is prominent.

Love is everywhere.

Engraved in the universe,

Its You N I, kid. 

No one can hear us, 

The shouts and the screams

But when I find you

I'll no longer be,

in my constant state 

of being in-between. 

No longer interstellar, no longer lost.

Darkness abolished once and for all.

What a stellar collision.