In the next life, i wanna be someone who believe what she see. 

That love is a sweet word. 

That trust is a compliment.

That heart can always readily given.

In the next life, living is about being a lover. 

A wife. A mother. A grandmother. Thats it. 

Living up to everyone expectation.

In the next life, not having the heart i have. The mind i have. 

Like it always said, sometime happiness is not knowing what beyond.

I bite my tongue to hide the pain

Dont cry i said to myself

Dont show them the weakness inside you

I always believe i am broken

And i am okay with it

Until people told me i am broken

Then see me with their pity glaze

I know tonight i am gonna cry myself again

Broken and lonely

Knowing again and again no one will understand me

Tonight, my friend the darkness will come

Accompany me again 

Telling me a dark promise i refuse to make

Its 09 all over again.

The live i dont wanna life.

The betrayed love i dont wanna trust again.

And you.

People said you cant found your soulmate twice.

And i found you.

Today i let you go.

Comeback happily just like how you teach me happiness.

I cant promised a lonely wait.

But the day you are back, i will be there.

And love you all over again.

Do you ever ask yourself

What if you never get loved for the rest of your life?

Is life still matter?

I dont ask to born like this

Heart too soft. Mask didnt steel enough.

Blaming self for everything.

The ugly me. The evil me.

The incompetent me.

Just disappear.

World is a better place without you.

You are unloved.

Why beg for one?

You...Myself

Doesnt deserve it.

I feel the envy.

To you who get loved. 

To you who get to live simply.

To you who can kneel when people say kneel.

I wanna be loved beyond my inability to love.

lets dance tonight. crazily.

like lovin God too much.

dont bother about whose faith is the truest.

because God invite everyone to dance tonight.

#i read hafez these days so his style really grow on me and its fun to use it

i only can love deeply

the aching heart

dear you,

please found me tonight

because the yearn turn into madness

Life is a comedy i join to laugh

Its appear in dream last week.

Its an ocean apart yesterday.

Its a crossroads apart now.

But still impossible.

Isnt the player have so much fun playing this love game??

P.S. a player called God

I used my teenage to rage

Fire up the hate in hell gate

In revenge

I still do.

Then i see how people withering away

The most loved one. The most hated one.

No one is back

No matter how you wish for them to comeback

What use the anger i have ??

If the person cease to exist

Today, i stop myself

Because to hate and to love, you need them to alive

I am unconsciously rushed myself by having time ticking on my back

28. 29. 30 soon.

When you gonna have a soulmate?

When you gonna have a ring?

When you gonna take next education properly?

What are you doing with your life?

I ask myself then

Did you want it??

All of that??

Did you feel dying without it?

Sadly, for me now the most important question is who am i

Did you already figure out how to be a human?

Did you already figure out how to control your emotion?

Did you figure out how to be wise as you grow more and more?

As cliché as it is, I set my eyes upon self reflection

Education?

Since I got into this world, education means a tools to be ignorance

Because you have knowledge, its your weapon to stomp over someone who doesn’t

I don’t need a paper. I cant stand human.

Knowledge is realizing how to be human in most humble way

I am not attend college but I get to read some of the best science and philosophy books

Reflecting it over and over

How many of us read it for an exam??

Let it go. The time. Let it go.

Do what you think the best for you now

Do what makes you happy today

Because in the end it isn’t about how much paper you have, how much money you make

Did you find the knowledge? Keep asking and asking

Did you find love? The one who sit by your side telling its okay to be like this

A little bit crazy. Little bit defective.

Did you….

Did you find yourself?