i miss you

i'm sorry

i regret it

you mean the world to me

i shouldn't have done it

i made a mistake

my friends say

move on,

i can't

it's over and i -

i'll sit here hoping but

i know you won't say it

those four words

i miss you too

now read it bottom to top

Inspired by The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas

I don’t belong

I know

I’m just another kid

From the ghetto

You guys pretend and act

Like I belong

You sing “Black Lives Matter”

Like a song

But y’all don’t see

Just read the news

And feel bad for that black kid

That went through abuse

I see what really goes on

From the mother that lost her son

To a white police officer

That mistook a hairbrush for a gun

Stop acting like I’m one of you

You guys are white and rich understood?

Whereas I’m just a black girl

From the hood

The thunder grumbled louder

As the storm inside of me swirled

The rain and winds got heavier and heavier

The anguish, anger, pain throbbed louder and louder

I couldn’t escape because of the storm

My sadness couldn’t escape me

Yet again

I was

Trapped,

The storm broke everything

Left floods and wrecked houses

My storm, however, broke

Me

Left nothing but a wrecked

Heart.

Abortion Lost at sea

Why would she do this to me What did I do

Was there something wrong with me I thought I did everything right

But is that an excuse The sea could use this chance

To kill me To isolate me

Not give me the chance to see the world How could I've been so silly

I’m so innocent yet I've been so stupid

It’s going to make me die I can do something to fix this

But there isn’t a chance Unfortunatley I'm so lost

My life is being taken away What should I do I mean

Without a chance given I am abandoned

Sadly, it’s the truth

Society’s standards, too high

Go on, keep trying

Put on more makeup

Get a million surgeries

But what will that prove

As if they’ll be kind

They’ll find more and more things to judge

We are so focused

Strive to be perfect

Be welcomed to society

Little do we know

We already are

Probably not by the mainstream

But by the people

That matter the most

Because we’re so focused, we forget

These are the people

Who understand us

We’re loved by the important yet

Focus on the not

Now tell me, why?

_

“Gramps, I don’t know what I want for Christmas! I already have an Xbox and tons of action figures and I don’t know what else I want!” Grandpa gradually lifted his wrinkled, tired hand and gently placed it on my knee, “Christmas is tomorrow, Santa will think of something, don’t worry Ethan.” I jumped out of my seat rolling my eyes, “Grandpa! I already know Santa isn’t real! Gramps, I really want something for Christmas can we please go!” He looked at me with deep eyes and then squinted down at his watch, “Why don’t we have a day filled with games at home? I am old now child, I can’t keep running around and buying stuff especially since your parents are out of town.” I locked eyes with him, disappointed, I hung my head down low and slumped over to my room.

Grandpa is my hero, he is very different to my parents, more special in that sense. That’s the reason I basically live in his house. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t take me to go get my gift. I fiddled with my action figures until I heard a knock on the door. I already knew who it was, but I didn’t want to see him. “Child, please let me in. I’m so sorry to disappoint you but lets talk about it please!” I slouched over to the door with a tiny glower in my eyes. I opened the door and saw him on his wheelchair with guilt-ridden eyes. “Sorry Ethan, but I feel so weary right now, I can’t go. Why don’t we play some battleship? It’s your favorite game!” I stared at him with irritated eyes, “Seriously grandpa! It is Christmas tomorrow! I don’t even have a gift, this is so unfair! I want a gift I need a gift and your not giving me one because of your stupid…issue!” I slammed the door at him leaving him with heartbroken eyes. I yelled and screamed and threw everything around. Eventually I cooled down and only then did I hear the creaky wheels of the wheelchair disperse. Gramps listened in to everything. My unnecessary tantrum over him. His eyes when I slammed the door at him raced around in my brain. I felt a huge lump in my throat rise and before I knew it I was in an ocean of tears.

Tears kept flooding down my face in shame, I can’t believe I could do that to someone I adore. Someone of who I can’t even say I love, that would be considered an understatement. Someone who cared for me when no one did. I didn’t know what to do at that point, I continued to fiddle with my figures when I realized that it was his Christmas as well tomorrow. So I got some paper and markers and created a card. I wrote what I loved about him which was everything. I wrote how happy and grateful I was to be named after him. And how sorry I was for being such a jerk to someone who didn’t deserve it. Thanks for being the grandpa a child could only dream of, Merry Christmas!. Love, Ethan. With that, I got up, headed towards the door and when I opened it--

Gramps. He was right there. As usual on the wheelchair, but the worst part was that he was motionless. Just sitting there. Hesitantly, I walked closer and tugged him on the sleeve. No reaction. I could barely whisper the one word that was probably my favorite. Gramps. No. No. No. All of a sudden there were deafening sobs and cries and yells. I can’t even remember what happened. A door crashed open, someone was frantically calling people, and ambulance sirens were going on, comforting voices. Everything was a blur, besides gramps laying lifeless on the wheelchair.

“Sorry ma’am and sir. But we all knew it had to happen, the cancer he had was very lethal. He knew he only had a few days left and so did we but he is now resting in peace.“ My head rested against my hands, he never told me anything about this. Grandpa died. My inspiration, motivation is gone. I remembered how he asked me if I wanted to play battleship and I slammed the door at his innocent shocked eyes. Time. That’s all he had to give me. But I didn’t take it. I didn’t take the most precious yet priceless gift I was offered that could never compare to anything he could buy me. Any action figure or video game can never defeat the time he wanted to give me. A portion of his life which he couldn’t take back. And now his time is gone.

I dismally walked over to Grandpa’s hospital bed and gently held his hand. His eyes rested so peacefully. This man will always be the one person I can’t even describe how much I look up to. This man isn’t my hero at all, he was my gift, and will always be.