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kulu

States as Bodies Part 1 : First of firsts

I never thought that I would be here. In a strangers arms. He would later say he felt as if he had known me forever, even though we had just met each other three hours ago at dinner. I awkwardly stand in the kitchen, too afraid to say that my black strappy heels I bought months ago from small street are forming ant colonies at the base of my feet. He hands me a glass a water and I take a small sip, not really thirsty. I just want to feel less out of place.

“Before I forget”, he says as he opens the cabinet above the stove. He then places two wine bottles on the kitchen counter top.

“This was the one I got at a convention in Sandton, I don’t know just never got to drinking it. I mean its not good to drink alone. The other one is the one from Cape Town its non alcoholic so you can probably drink it”

"You really like wine", I respond dryly.

"Its just so good, I don’t get how you don’t like it, but maybe just taste these, tell me what you think when you do".

I nod my head and take the two bottles into my hand. My eyes scan the butterfly logo on the sparkling blush wine, when I suddenly feel him behind me.

"You’re going to like it", he whispers in my ear. I can hear his breath quicken as his hands travel down to my waist. Feeling uncomfortable, I ask him if I could sit down.

He leads me to the lounge, the flat screen with static on it. I sit on the black L shaped leather couch and begin to unstrap my heels. I let out a sigh of relief when the blood returns to my feet.

Sean whips his phone out and music starts playing interrupting our awkward silence.

"This is my favourite song. I think we should make a playlist" he says. He joins me on the couch, “or do you want to leave?”

"I think we should listen to real music", I reply and grab the phone from his hands to type in cherish the day into the Spotify search bar and select the song. I hand him his cellphone, Sade's soothing voice filling up the apartment.

I lay back on the couch and close my eyes, lost in the sound of her voice whilst my brain swims in the cocktails I had earlier. I feel him lay beside me. He begins to caress my cheek. I brace myself for what is about to happen next, probably a kiss but he continues to gently stroke my face for a while.

He then whispers into my ear ,"Can I kiss you?"

Do I want him too? I struggle to make the decision in my mind. Im not the best kisser, plus I had that good gooey cheesy garlic bread for dinner. The decision is made for me as his lips press upon mine. I hook my arms around his neck and pull him in closer. I let out a soft moan as he sucks on my bottom lip. There's a pause. He then swiftly moves on top of me, his slender body on top of me now. I wrap my legs around his waist, the kisses getting deeper and deeper...

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kulu

second date

But we're relegated to seats near an empty bar

and so our feet dance under the table

You take a sip from your glass of ice and tequila

I lick the salt off the rim from my magarita,

overlapping and blurred thoughts in my brain swim in circles

I could take you home, but I'm not from here

...besides I'm a lady.

You could take me home, but you live far away

...besides you're a gentleman

and it's only the second date...

Challenge
How To:
Write a satire How To news article. Make it funny, I want to fall out of my chair because I'm laughing to hard reading these. A couple examples could be How to Become a Misogynist or How to Become a Vegan, but don't do either of those, think of your own idea. Happy writing!!
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kulu in Comedy

How to be a Dad

Being a father can be hard sometimes and you just want to be the best dad you can be. In this article we interviewed psychologists who specialize in parenting (buy your latest copy of how to be a good dad even though you're a bad person right here) to give you five tips on how to be the best dad in town.

1. Upgrade your closet.

This one is unexpected but it is the first step into becoming a dad. Dressing the part. Psychologist Father Fatherington suggests that how we present is important to how we show up in the world "Dressing like a dad could give you the confidence to unleash your inner dad". So think dad jeans, polo shirts, tennis shoes ( shop your dad wardrobe right here) anything comfortable, outdated with a dull colour palette is sure to work!

2. Work on your body

Dad bods are in and they are all the rave. What is a dad bod? Simply put, it is a body shape associated with middle aged men with family vans, who attend recitals and their kids baseball games making sure to be late to all of them. A key feature to this body type is a gut disproportionate to the rest of your body. Say bye bye to abs and hello to the dad bod!

3. Stay away from shopping.

Some people enjoy shopping others don't, especially dads. "Dads don't shop because they do not see the need for it or simply the time it takes to shop with the wife takes too long" says Daddy Dad, lead psychiatrist at the Male Parent institute. Rather than helping your wife do the grocery shopping, sit in the car and complain to yourself instead!

4. You are always right

Dads need to possess a certain level of delusion to master the role. That means you are always right about everything. In fact you know everything and anything there is to know about politics, science, health, art. You can never lose an argument and never will have to admit you're wrong because you are always right!

5. Never help around the house

Dads are always busy at work, at the sports bar or on the couch. Looking after your kids is not your responsibility, in fact you should get paid to babysit. Your wife seems tired after a long day at work? That is not your problem, you are tired too, in fact you deserve a steaming home cooked meal. Wash dishes? You don't touch a thing. Let the kids clean it up!

Those were the five steps to becoming a dad. Let us know what you think and share with us your experiences with fatherhood. Share this with all the dads or soon to be dads in your life!

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kulu

After Death

Is there life in the afterlife?

Do you call it living though?

Do souls lose control, when they are not contained in bodies?

Exchanging bodily fluids

Making promises during intimate rituals

If you want my soul, darling you have it!

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kulu

Positive phototropism

From pain, I reach into and grow towards the sun.

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kulu

Always room to start anew

The prospect of a new life shimmers and shines

in the distance

the golden glow glistens

with unwavering persistence

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kulu

Jungle Oats

No longer will I be buying Jungle Oats,

no more hot slop

lumpy thick goopy goop

how is this even oats, let alone categorized as food

but I should've known, it only takes 3 minutes to make

instant hot slime early in the morning

Add fruits, nuts, sugar or milk to create

crunchy, creamy, colorful, sugary sludge

I'll save my stomach the ache

and pour the rest down the drain

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kulu

Much needed

Break.

Just to reflect, introspect.

Breathe a little bit, stretch.

Make salads and smoothies

Listen to classics and oldies.

Exhale

A much needed break.

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kulu

Prince Charming

i've brought my sand to the castle

i've locked myself in the tower

only you have the key

my breathe is held until you come rescue me

can you bring me back to life

like a prince charming

the way way you wear those badges and that crown

like the highest nobility boy dont let me down

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kulu

Magnolia

or will you wait

Until the magenta magnolias bloom

this afternoon

I’ll be leavin

and I’m not looking back

at you

your lost eyes

and your desert brown skin

if you fall will you chain her hand to my shin

will you wait

take me down farway

take me down faraway

to a paradise away from here

but i need some time

to pack up lost hopes

stolen kisses

a broken soul

crumpled love letters

unsuccessful efforts

and borrowed failures

or will you leave me behind?