Hello! I’m Sam and I’m the head

Of Hells welcome committee!

We’re so glad you’ll be joining us

For all of eternity!

We get a bad rep down here,

So let’s set the record straight.

After some time, we’re sure you’ll find,

This place is pretty great!

We keep the temperature down here

In the high 90’s.

But it’s more of a dry heat,

So it feels like 10,000 degrees.

The second circle of Hell features

An olympic-sized lava pool.

It burns the first time you jump in

But after, the pain’s miniscule.

Then there’s our Michelin 3-star buffet,

Do try the gruel and slop

(The special ingredient is demon meat,

And we only use the cream of the crop).

Every Friday night we host

A concert and bonfire,

We hope you like Smash Mouth and Creed,

They’re the only bands we hire.

Now, we’ll be honest with you,

Is there torture? Yes, a bit.

We’ll spare you the nasty details,

Just know you’ll get used to it.

So once again, welcome to Hell,

We hope you enjoy your stay!

Really, you don’t have a choice,

And we like it that way.

It started with a kiss,

Then a cough, and now this:

Trapped within these walls

Is it love? Or just the quarantine/illness?

Two bodies in the same apartment,

Yet miles away in separate compartments.

Forced to stay at least six feet away

Is surely not what the heart meant

When it made me physically ache for you.

When this fever of passion rose to 102.

If our love is anything like Covid-19

Then I’d take Covid-20, 21 and 22.

We’ll get through this, we’ll survive!

Both well below the age of 65!

And my only pre-existing condition

Is that I’ve never felt more alive!

Oh, how I long for your embrace!

With medical mask upon my face.

Or hazmat suits, rubber gloves and boots

Of Corona, we’ll leave no trace.