I know that you have a thousand questions about what I did.

I don't know if I can answer all of them.

But I want to say that it is nobody's fault.

It is all on me.

I couldn't take it.

All the thoughts that end with me jumping off the ledge,

The help I can't get.

I know you said that I could talk to you.

But you see, I can only imagine you getting frustrated

with my never ending troubles.

Not even your infinite patience could have been enough.

I wanted to end it for so long,

I forgot the time that I never wanted to.

Don't be sad.

I am better without all these demons wrecking havoc.

I was a coward and am a coward.

One for not looking for a way out and

one for taking the easiest way out.

But I am afraid

But I can't live.

Good bye.

I fall down

the sky goes from blue to black.

Someone is inside my mind

telling me to hold on

But these creatures are tearing me apart.

Why can't I speak?

Who is she shouting?

All I can utter is a single word.

All I hear is

"Hold the door!!!"

then nothing.

I am the one behind you being a sinner and a saint,

the driving force behind your every desire.

You count me as one of the deadly sins,

but you forget that I can be a darling too.  

You resent me and can't get rid of me

for I tempt you to be amoral and moral, all at once.

I am the reason for many a war and disease

but you forget that I am behind your desire for peace.

I want everything you can imagine

and yeah, want is my go-to word.

You remember that I exist when you covet money, power or sex,

yet you forget that I exist,

behind your craving for company, simple joys and happiness.

I make you crave everything you don't have because

I want the finer things in life,

for you and for myself.

Without me, you would have been stuck with raw meat and poison berries.

Hey!!! I am not always evil,

though being evil is so much fun.

I am no angel either.

You are greedy as hell

out for yourself

pushing the blame away from yourself

and onto a concept

but forget that,

you are the reason I exist.

You used to be a faint shadow of pain,

visiting me just before the bloody battle,

every damn month.

I got used to the blood and the mess,

armed with chocolate and books.

Years went by, not many,

but enough to make me complacent.

I never paid any heed to what you were turning into,

a monster, that feeds on my emotions

turning me into a moody hermit,holed up in a blanket.

You consort with the devil in my mind,

cooking up plans to make me go insane.

Sleep is nowhere to be seen when you visit these days,

and chocolate is not enough.

The faint shadow of pain turned to a raging fire,

burning me everywhere, not the good kind, mind you.

The pills, tears, and the sleepless nights,

those dangerous thoughts and maniacal laughter

they go hand-in-hand with the present you.

You turned out to be a real pain in the abdomen.

You even tire my arms while typing this.

Damn you PMS!!!

I like the previous you much better, Thank you and go away!