Who am I? 

Everyone seems to know 

Who they are, 

Where they want to go. 

But who do I yearn to be? 

Avoiding, averting, 

I steer clear of discussion 

About the future.

For if I join in,

I cower like an abused puppy put out of a home. 

If you watched a movie of my life, 

It would be fair to call me 

A liar, 

A sob story, 

Someone who only wants attention. 

While all those may be true, 

I want to be something different. 

But still you'll find me 

Asking myself

Who am I? 

Opening my front door,

I race to the stop.

A yellow blob hurls towards me,

Two lights flashing.

Yellow,

Now red.

You greet me

As I mumble a hello

And head to my seat.

'It's to early for social interaction'

I tell myself as I pull out my headphones.

A five minute ride

And I'm here.

The concept I love

Ruined by people I hate.

I’m perched here

Thinking about

How you could mean

So much to me one summer

But be gone the next.

Confused, dazed, baffled,

I try to fathom

How you could mean

So much to me

When you're so easy to forget.

It puzzles me

How you could mean

So much to me

When I left you behind

Without a single fret.

Soft kisses

Land on my skin.

Calming and pure.

I stand outside

And let you in

As the air begins to chill.

All alone I stand,

Ready for the storm.

As you, 

The thunder, 

The lightning,

Make me feel 

Content and peaceful.

You gathered around me

As I thought of

How many ways

I could end it.

Sitting alone

In a pool of water.

I convinced myself

That I didn't matter,

That no one cared.

I didn't think

Anyone would notice

If I just slipped

Into the darkness.

Falling,

Deeper,

Deeper, 

Deeper.

I fell into you.

Now,

I'm trapped.

I thought I wanted to be like you.

Confident, alluring, daring.

You knew what you liked,

And what you didn't.

The only problem?

The things you liked aged you,

In ways unexplainable.

Drinking, smoking, boys.

Especially boys.

I wanted boys to like me, 

Just as they liked you.

So that night,

I did things I regret.

I left my comfort zone,

But worst of all I realized

In order to be like you,

I couldn't be like me.

I had to change for you.

I thought that I was okay with that.

You said I looked pretty,

What you meant was different.

You had different motives,

Wanting me

To want you.

But I had different ideas

Of what we were going to do.

I thought I was being daring.

Not alluring.

I wanted to be adventurous.

You wanted to be pleased.

I read you all wrong.

You read me all right.

You knew what I wanted,

But you got what you wanted.

I wish you would leave me alone,

But you keep coming back.

When I say no,

You change it to a yes.

You say that I'm the only one.

Yet you pretend,

I'm not in the room

When I am right next to you.

I know you see me,

More so than I would like.

But you pretend

That you see

Right through me.

I want you to say something.

Anything.

I crave for your attention,

Your praise.

There we where,

Me and you.

I tried to act calm,

But all I wanted was to be 

Somewhere else.

Anywhere else.

Back in my room.

Back at my house.

On a deserted highway bridge.

I wanted to be alone,

Not with you and your friends.

I wasn't comfortable

I would have payed you

To leave me alone.

Any amount really.

I would've done anything,

I just wanted out.

I still see you,

More often than I would like.

I can't forget past events,

I can't just make everything okay again.

I wish I could,

But that wish is reliant on you.

Will you make the first move?

I already know the answer,

No.

All you will do

Is make it seem as if it's my fault.

I want to set the blame

On someone, 

Something else.

But the only one

Responsible for this mess

Is you.

That night,

You preyed on her.

While looking to me for help.

You thought that

I was the one calling the shots.

What you didn't know 

Was that she couldn't be tamed,

Held down,

I had no control.

She got what she wanted,

You just didn't know yet,

That I wasn't her.

You expected too much out of me,

Even though you knew the truth.

I wasn't comfortable.

I was vulnerable.

You were the only one who noticed.

As much as I try to find

Another to blame

For stealing my innocence, 

All paths lead to you.

The one who knew my secrets,

Who earned my trust.

You stole my innocence,

Coaxing me to be more outgoing.

But really,

I was just turning into a new version of you.

You pretended that we were friends,

But then you stabbed my back.

You built me up,

Just to tear me down.

And the sad part is,

I still see you everyday,

And act like I'm your friend too.

You don’t have favorites,

Are you sure?

Because you treat me different,

Give him more.

Now I love you both,

But it’s just not fair.

He gets everything he wants

While I barely get a share.

I am grateful,

Very much,

But I must ask,

Do you love him more?

My mother told me that if I ever need help I should call them and recite K6403. “They would send help” she said, “Keep me safe” she said, but when I called an hour ago the phone just kept ringing, the sound never ending. My brother was infected. The sound of his scream still echoes through my head. I know it has started, I know that hell is with us, and now I must react. I know that I need to find people, because finding people means finding resources, and I need resources. I glance around the door frame. Now is the time. Fight or flight.

I have dreams,

She breaks them down.

I have a voice,

Hers is louder.

I have problems,

She convinces me her's are worse.

Four years later,

Why am I still with her.

I find my happiness,

She steals it away.

I try to pick up my pieces

She breaks me apart.

Now I'm hers.

My life is lived 

In the backseats of cars,

Behind closed doors,

Lying in a trunk,

With a guy I don't adore.