I don’t want my heart to be yours.

I don’t want to be controlled by you.

I don’t want you to own me.

I don’t owe you anything.

I want to go back to being me.

I was me before you came into my life

And decided everything was going to go

According to your plan.

My life isn’t mine anymore.

I have to share it with you.

I have to run everything by you.

I can no longer be crazy and impulsive.

I can no longer be me

Because you don’t like the real me.

Has it ever crossed your mind

That I never asked for you to be in my life?

I never wanted you here.

I love to hate you

But I can’t deny that I love you.

I can’t deny that I hang onto your every word.

I can’t deny that you always

Put a smile on my face.

I love to hate you.

I hate that I love you.

There is a thin line between love and hate

And my feelings for you go back and forth

More than I would like to admit.

What would it take for me to let go?

What would it take for you to disappear

And leave me to pick up the broken pieces?

I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of you.

Sometimes I don’t know if I want to leave.

Sometimes I don’t know what I would do

If you were no longer in my life.

But then there are times

When I wish you would go

And allow me to live the rest of my life

Without you.

What Would It Take

Would it take a raging river,

for me to survive to get to the other side.

Would it take a fiery blaze,

to escape unharmed to a place of safety.

Would it take earth to open up,

swallow me whole that I give my life for yours.

No matter the moment in question,

my life for yours is what I choose.

Real love for someone,

has no obstacles, no boundaries.

Hiding my pain,

What would it take,

To remember my name,

Don't watch my face,

Become wet with rain.

Remember the first day,

Long long ago,

I wish you would stay,

You ask how I am,

I just say I'm okay.

May I ask again, send a plea,

What would it take,

For you to remember me?

What would it take,

For people to notice others,

And see them as similar?

Everything has similarities,

Everything has differences,

Why can't we understand this?

What would it take,

For you to see people,

As who they are,

Not who you want them to be?

What would it take,

For you to understand others,

Look past your differences?

What would it take for,

You to be you,

And me to be me?

And even after

This ocean trench

Has swallowed me whole,

I will still miss you.

Even after the sun

Has enveloped our planet

And burned me up

I will still love you.

Even after

I disintegrate,

I wonder

What will it take to make me forget about you?

Bitter black words fall from your lips, scattering to the ground around you like a hundred dead butterflies, their wings still twitching, their tiny legs still scrambling for purchase.

You drown yourself in the sludge that dribbles from your mouth, you let the darkness rise up from your knees to your waist to your throat, until it floods your tongue, viscous and inescapable. When that happens, you force your jaw closed, but even then, the torrent of sticky black self-loathing does not stop. Now it falls from your eyes, each drop stinging at your cheeks and feeding the oily ocean you’ve created.

You stand, motionless in your own creation, just waiting for a wave to sweep you over. For one last current to wash over your head, erasing you from this world forever.

What would it take to make you see the parts of you that I do? What would it take for you to finally look beyond the murky film that has blinded you to yourself?

You say that when you look around, all you can focus on are the things you don’t like; your figure, your failures, your faults. You don’t see a thing beyond that, and in doing so, you miss all the things that I see, the countless tiny things that I love so much about you.

The way you laugh, so rare nowadays, but so beautiful when you used to laugh with all of your body, as if not a single nerve in your body was allowed to escape the joy you’d just experienced. The way you used to sing sometimes, so free and careless and untouchable, like the world was your audience and regardless of whether they wanted to listen you or not, you would continue to serenade them. The way you cared for each and every person you came across, like they were your dearest friends, with that firm belief that no one and nothing deserved to be unloved.

What would it take for you to care about yourself like that, I wonder?

Tame the beast that resides

Cool this fire that rages inside

Quiet my tortured mind

Loving with arms wide open

Making memories unspoken

Could you fix this empty space?

This hole in my heart, that broke place?

Or would you run away in fear and disgust

When you find out I am nothing but rust?

Would you be like all the rest?

Love only parts of me and throw out the best?

What would it take

To prove you mean what you say

and say what you mean?

What would it take?

I lay beside you tonight because tomorrow is already gone.

Dreaming of sunshine and daisy dancing to our broken song!

Kissing you gently while our music plays on-

The silly hum of your snoring breathtaking, us living strong-

What would it take to be back here once more?

Having you hold me while our battles spare one song,

The tune of our love that died with the night was strong

The heavy lift of this burden as they lay you deep down!

What would it take to live the life you seek?

What do you think would make you complete?

A life of works?

A life of pleasure?

A life worth remembering?

A life without error?

We go along always hoping for the best

Never realizing what is next

To wake up with a place to go

People to meet

And some reason to live some more

But some sit idle waiting for something to arrive

All the while thinking this is it, at least i tried

So you can wallow at the things never done

The things you thought you wanted but never won

There was a life you thought to seek

But sometimes dreams die because they wont make you complete

So what to do when there seems like there's nothing to attain?

Lay and bed feel the dark skies turn to rain

Arise for days more assured

When success is set to rise

And practicality can be surmised

When what can be done is within reach

There is still time to do things,

There is still time to seek

What would it take for you find something for yourself?

Just get started

for something

for someplace else.