I wasn’t there

Not every time

But I kept the gun

From your mouth

Your words

Not mine

But I wasn’t there

Not every time

Every song I sang

Every string I strum

All the poems I've wrote

And all the pain that've flown

I thought I've gone up

Cause I've been down for so long

I thought I've all grown up

Cause I've been a child for so long

But look at me now

I'm holding an ink & a pen

With my headphones on

I sing I'm lost again

I'm listening again to Ivan B

More music fills my ear

As his rap pierce my skin

More music fills my ear

Of different people,

Different stories,

All of their worries and anxiety

Again today I am anxious

I'm getting more depressed

All those videos in YouTube,

There all but a repetition of what I've read

And I think I've gone numb

I think I've gone dumb

For with my heartless heart

I still think at dusk

And I haven't grabbed my pen

Like the way that I used to

I haven't wrote any poem

In the style that I used to

I'm not depressed anymore

Yet I ain't as motivated as before

I think my author life is ending,

But you know what they say

Every Ending comes a Beginning

But for now I am numb

I got no pain

I got no humm

I got no happiness

I'm just dumb

Dumb & dumber writing

My paper's still blank

And all my feelings still aren't over

And my poems never rhyme

Like the way that they used to

It seems to go on forever

like the shore upon a beach,

Dreams are so vivid

and yet so hard to reach,

and though I have the whole universe

laid out before me,

I can't help but feel

that it has ignored me.

And I feel lonely.

And this fate I've accepted,

I have conceded.

I've lived my whole life

yearning to feel needed,

but it's a deep pit of despair

that can't be defeated.

Depression is the worst feeling you could feel and you cannot stop it. People say you must get over it and grow from it but you can only go numb to it. It will never leave you, you will always be stuck with that feeling in your stomach or that thought in the back of your head. Depression makes you hate who you are, it makes you feel unnormal. At times you might feel like you are literally going insane and each outburst gets worse. But slowly you grow farther and farther from who you once were. The pain grows more and you no longer feel human. You feel like you are your own being and will never fit in with anyone else. All you want is to feel normal but it will never happen. You will only continue to hate yourself more. The people who once loved you will start to hate you and grow farther apart from you because of how much you will change.

Many people turn to drugs or alcohol to try to numb this horrible feeling; this only makes it worse for yourself. You turn into a addict on your first try. That first “high” and your hooked. This is the best you have ever felt in your life. You want to feel this way all the time. So you continue to use and you start to rely on it to feel happy or to feel normal. You are slowly killing yourself; the drugs or alcohol are only making it worse for you. When you finally realize this you are already hooked and you hate yourself even more for letting it get this far. So you just resorte back to it. The cycle will never end. You are never going to be happy again.