false crescendo of effervescent of youth bleed through the wall,

there has been unrelenting war fought between pensive sadness and something hollow over the highest level in hierarchy of pain.

i watch this universe-made hole in agony, understand the gravity,

but what’s really matter in the end?

early AM wasted winning nothing, reaching for more hands to hold

badly beaten somehow,

but feelings are still valid in this well-crafted bullshit with or without chemicals involved.

another meaningless sunrise

announces the absence of something new.

i flail around in the pile of broken pieces, shouting colours while everything's black.

what a disgusting pseudo optimist during the day

master the art of play pretend,

how much longer until i fall?

---Repeat---

#challenge #depression #mentalhealth #breakthestigma #life #surviving

Mania is like an itch

you can't scratch.

It travels through your body

always just beyond reach.

Until you twitch,

smacking your head into the wall.

I took a bottle of sleeping pills

and I'm still awake.

For three more days.

Don't speak to me

on any seriousness.

My tears may form a river

at your feet

with a single word.

Hiding in the woods

I will myself to sleep.

But it's all in vain.

Say to me, you see through me and I will show you a heart.

A heart that beats a million to one, and has no end or start.

A person wrapped inside a soul, that is control by work of none.

A finger pointing at everyone, but responsible for one.

A shield I hold in one hand, to guard my life and health.

A knife I hold in the other hand, to protect me from myself.

No I see nothing that seems to be wrong,

Yet, I see something that can cause me great harm.

A jigsaw puzzle with all the edges smooth.

A gear riding on a chain with only two grooves.

A smile in the morning when you first awaken.

A tear in your eye at night when all your thoughts are breaking.

Holla out loud and drop to your knees.

Hold up your hands and say the word please.

Close your eyes and come to a conclusion.

That life for you has been nothing but an illusion.

Depression is a glossed over issue. Lost in the world to the bigger problems. No one cares to count the tears that fall into countless number of tissues.

Lost, stuck in a place deep inside yourself. Falling deeper each day. Thinking of new creative ways to end one's self.

Your own words cutting. Each one a more sharper blade. All feelings removed, a clean precise gutting.

Not being able to feel anything at all. Losing all empathy...all sympathy. Simply not caring adding to your own downfall.

Having lost all feelings of self worth. Letting others' opinion cloud your mind. Wishing you had the power to erase your birth.

Squeezing, ripping, breaking your own heart. Having the ability to feel each piece break off in the dark. Body and mind trying to give your death a head start.

Confused between wanting to be alone and to talk to someone; anyone. More often than not left to your own devices. Just wanting it to be over with; just done.

Just so tired. So emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually drained. Giving up on life, so uninspired.

The time has come, just ready to give in. But during the act you have a moment of clarity, you can't go through with it. You can't give up. You can't let evil steal your sunshine, you can't let it win.

Deciding to continue to fight. Holding strong taking control of your life. My life is not over yet, not quite.