All I hear is what I wanna hear

Echo chamber between my ears

I’ve lost myself over the years

Taken on great many fears

Someth'n cold, dead within my eyes

Around my heart I’m breeding flies

Limbs at will-

Branched & contorted

Behold my pale face

Absent expressions retorted

Coiled & tense

Ready to strike

Vacant & empty

I’m no longer Mike

God willing

Some infamous villain

Or a fractured dam

With mighty waters a spillin’

Decrepit Id...

Friendless-endless

Defensive, yet

Blatantly candid

So there’s no tellin’

By words I’m a spellin’

What the beast is a smellin’

Nor dreams that I’ve held in

Countdown--Zoom!

Bam--Bam--Boom!

Laughter--Sadness...

Ego eclipse

Bi-polar madness

--Last glance by chance

In blue light of the moon

Nightfall will be dawning soon

Conscious--Alive--Arise

Subconscious Id--Survive--Despise

An implosion within a

Windowless room...

And within that encircled, subtle plume

Self preservation still...

Rushes towards all doom

Again Id eliminating choices

Relentless whispering voices...

’Mourning is wasted...

On others you’ll never know...’

’Burning...taste it...

It all died so long ago...’

So complicated, how to put in words,

A lifetime growing up and deep, eyes wide;

With all, my conscience always by my side,

To make the voice within me somehow heard.

I am not shallow, that would be absurb,

I try to hide them, but emotions ride,

The roller coaster of the life inside,

I try to tame them as I would a bird.

When I look back I see a frightened child,

Who could not find her place within her mind,

Or with the people in the rank and file;

She's grown to be someone in truth self-styled,

With great intentions for the life she'll find,

But one to watch when she does become riled.

#poetry #sonnet #honesty

[An Italian sonnet in iambic pentameter. I find they are so expressive. Thoughts? Comments?]

Honestly,

i’m not incredibly smart

i’m not indescribably pretty

i’m not insanely popular

i’m not fantastically artistic

i’m not happy yet

cause i don’t know what i am

and it may take a while

but i can wait

i've never liked you too much, you know.

you aren't like other people your age.

it's hard to watch you try to interact.

you get attached too easily

and get too sad when it doesn't work out.

you're not social enough

and you try to avoid social interaction entirely.

you aren't who your parents wanted you to grow up to be

and you have no intention of changing.

and that's okay

you're anxious

you're too wordy

you're too cautious

you're self-destructive

you can't defend yourself

truth be told,

you already know all of this.

and that's okay.

you don't care what i think.

but i am you

and you are me.

so is this individuality

or is it apathy?

no matter.

you don't know

and you don't care.

and that's okay.

Army jacket

Combat boots

Black

Rebellion

Anarchy

Glimpse my reflection

A bobbed hairdo

Wrinkles that suggest

Hard living

Truly mark

Old age

Truth? Rebellious

Teen in 46 year

Old body

Listen to me!!

Listen to me, goddamit!

You can't turn away from this

Or run

Or hide

Or mutate

This isn't some Hollywood remake

Of an awful love song

Based off the life rights

From an urban legend

You're a big girl now

You can handle the truth

What doesn't kill you

Makes you stronger

(And other Instagram drivel)

Square your shoulders

Look straight ahead

Take a deep breath

And. Listen. To. Me.

With all your heart and soul

Let it sink into the

Deepest depths of your bowels

And settle

Somewhere at the nadir

Of your soul

And madness

Okay, are you ready?

Really, really, ready??

Here goes --

(deep breath)

YOU ARE 5'6 AND 3/4 INCHES TALL

YOU ARE NOT 5'9

YOU ARE NOT EVEN 5'8

WEARING HEELS IS NOT FOOLING ANYONE

@Dream #Challenge Be #Honest with #Yourself

Who do you thinking you’re kidding?

True, them.

But you’re not kidding yourself. You’re not kidding me.

You don’t want to be around others, that isn’t news. You haven’t wanted to for a while. Don’t act and play the part of a social butterfly because you feel you have to. If you don’t want to, then don’t. No one will blame you for staying in your shell, the ones you care about have already come to learn that is how you prefer life.

Don’t worry about trying to impress others or pretend to be someone you’re not. If you’re happy, then stay there. That’s really how easy it is.

It's okay, big girls do indeed cry.

As you should know, by now your tears should be dry.

What hurts now, won't even matter tomorrow.

It's okay to be sad, just stop drowning in sorrow.

This hurt will EVENTUALLY pass.

Now stop crying you are being a pain in the Ass.

Relationships do come and go.

Now will you just woman up, and get the fuck over it bro.

I love you more than you know.

But baby, you have to stop living in the past, that is the only way you will grow.

I am not who I want to be, not even close.

I am not even who I think I am.

I am less kind, more selfish, and not quite as handsome.

That is okay, I am also willing to settle.

If I'm being honest, (and I'm not always) I can stand the man in the mirror, though I am afraid of who he may become if he keeps settling.