I inhale your breath

     and laugh it all away

     as my shadow

     diminishes

     and overlaps

     within itself

I inhale your breath

     attempt to grasp

     your heart, your love

     your tears

     shouldering knives

     stuck in my back

I inhale your breath

     dripping on my soul

     like a lit candle

     in torrential laughs

     engulfing life

     with swaggering wink

I inhale your breath

     wanting to laugh

     in sound of silence

     holding your fire

     in cupped hands

     disconnected, alone

I inhale your breath

     promising myself

     to love and laugh

     smile an elfin grin

     naked within myself

     reaching for your sun

with a smile, I decided, I could laugh it all away 

my depression 

I laughed so hard 

I cracked my rib cage 

and punctured my heart 

the red juices 

spilled 

my pain 

turned 

into 

laughter 

my tribulations 

became 

a comedic 

act 

something 

to laugh about 

my laugh 

hollowed 

deep 

and 

dead 

I made 

a

mockery 

of 

my 

immature 

demented 

pain 

I dragged 

the 

nails 

through 

my 

veins 

and 

made 

silly 

faces 

I invited 

a clown 

and 

told 

him 

my 

story 

I invited 

a jester 

and 

poked 

fun at my misery 

I invited god

and laughed in his face 

and poured him a glass of wine 

and got drunk off of scriptural fantasies  

I walked 

on 

the stage 

and 

took 

my 

bow 

and 

tripped 

and 

tumbled 

into 

the 

well 

of 

hell 

and 

fucked

hades 

and 

gave 

birth 

to 

my 

pain 

and 

let 

it

choke 

me 

alive  

With a smile, I decided I

Could laugh it all away

The thousand knives

Tearing through my mind

And ripping into the fabric

Of my soul

The darkened clouds

The whispering winds

The trees shaking

In the storm of thought

I decided I could

Laugh away

The bitter anger

The wrenching pain

The voices -

Always the voices -

That held me captive

That put me down

And tried

Oh, how they tried

To throw me away

I decided I could

Laugh away

All the blackened wreckage

Of who they had made me

Of what I had allowed

But I was wrong

Laughter feeds the

Darkness

And darkness is

What I've become

#laughaway #challenge #whoIam #mentalhealth

With

a smile

I decided I’d

laugh it all away

whiskey’s good for such purposes

for diverting attention to the comical

and losing the usual propriety

with the mission to

prove an alliance

alongside the

ridiculous.

facade facade facade facade

(deter the demons)

YOU DON'T EXIST

(do you?) 

(do I?)

tis only a vision. 

'tis

haha facade is such a funny word though, fun to say, it rolls off the tongue

(i used to think it was pronounced fake-aid)

(funny you don't know what it means, it totally describes you)

(what a dumbass)

aaaaand I can't write?

You know why? because no one cares at all!

(i mean, some people do.

but do i??)

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I look as you walk away, your dark brown hair rustling in the wind. I feel the Pain of what you did. 

   "Who cares?" I tell myself. 

   "You do," Was the answer. 

    "Maybe I can Laugh it all away," I say. Laugh. It feels good to Laugh after all the crying. 

     "It's still there," I say to myself. "The Pain is still here." 

      "Smile and keep that Smile on," I say to myself. 

       "All Pain passes," I say under my breath. "With a Smile."

It began

Slowly with

Words

Painful words

Words cannot hurt me

But they do anyways

Confidence

Gone now

Self doubt,

A constant

Eye contact broken

Along with my spirit

It escalated

To slaps,

Pinches, and punches

Pain is temporary

But it hurts now

Endurance

Failing

Facade

Faltering

Plastering on a

Fake face

Don't let anyone know what

What was happening

Deep breathes

In

And out

And in

And out

Left foot

Right foot

Left

Right

Close eyes

Open eyes

Close

Open

Heart beat

Beat

Beat

Beat

Beat

Breathe

Step

Walk

Blink

Beat

Smile

With a smile

I decided

I could laugh

Laugh it all away

Until-

Until it all

Comes back

To haunt

Me

"Can I kiss you?" The words jolted Olivia awake from her dream, the tone of Matthew's voice sounding too real for her to handle. Without her glasses, she couldn't see much of anything, but she still rolled over in her bed, arm draped across her waist, and squinted hard at the digital clock on her nightstand. She made out a twelve then probably a twenty-seven. Still midnight.

"Ugh..." Groaning, she sat up in her bed, feet tangled into the cool sheets. She ran a hand through the kinks in her hair then rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She had classes in the morning that she needed to focus on. But she couldn't bring herself to sleep. The memories of the day before worked its way through the crevices of her until she caught herself blushing. "Ugh."

For one thing, Matthew is disgusting and she hates him. She's hated him ever since they met in middle school. And he's a total womanizer. But, back then, with his hand cupping her face and thumb wiping the tears from her eyes... "Can I kiss you?" Olivia brought a hand to her lips, tongue darting out and wetting the chapped layers.

"God, you're such an idiot," she whispered, a smile tugging it's way at her cheeks.

©SelfTitled, 2017

 moving  with tickling of clock tik tik tik  

 sailing with  lonely aura

 but tributar +ing   through different paths

 piercing stone of blockage  

 not in  need to stop 

 UNpleased by events of their dreaded scenic beauty 

by tickling of clock in reverse gear.

but to laugh away with beauty and charm

that can grace but  not to hide.

but to stop heart sobbing filled with sadness

 mourning hidden inside

 was  past .

of path that 

 should not be taken but discarded away 

by creating world of happiness. 

They laughing

with their evil smile

saying something

that is blocked out from me

talking about me 

bad things

horrid things

only thing to do

was to laugh it all away

pretend I do not care

when actually

I am crying inside

only to hide behind a fake mask

my pain is hidden