drugs. 

chemicals.

a bunch of 

molecules 

stuck together.

changedme

savedme

mademe

whole.

i can't live

without it.

i don't want to live

without it.

will i ever live

without 

it.

family history

of addiction

drugsalcoholmoneysex

you name it!

we got it!

(let me just check

real quick

behind the counter)

the closet is full. 

we hide skeletons

under our feet. 

ignore the crunch

of glassy sadness.

Grief sits on my shoulder. a friend with a

familiar face.

i know you. 

he nods. entwines pieces of my ancestors

between my teeth.

under my tongue.

scatters the dust of

yesterday's mistakes

in my hair.

under my fingernails.

this legacy is

heavy

and dead.

like a corpse

tied to my ankles.

“i'm just going on

a little vacation”

she whispered

to her little boy.

the soft sound

that eased out of her lips

let him know

that everything

would be alright.

she took him into

one last embrace,

planted her lips

and tears

on his head

and then

she jumped.

That day so many hearts got broken

Honest cold words were spoken

Like knives they flew across the divide

Followed by her foolish pride

She knew the words were all true

They were said by the ones who knew

But she could not admit to her mistake

So she struck like a vicious snake

She knows she needs to change

So much to rearrange

She is an adult no longer a child

If she wants her family reconciled

But she is busy cutting her nose off to spite her face

Living in some kind of weird head-space

Too blind to see the worry and concern

Too lazy to listen too lazy to learn

Now her family is getting distant

She´s way too busy being indignant

Such a huge price to pay

The choice to grow up or turn away

----------------------------------------------

© M.Withers/M.Strudwick . All rights reserved.

Both the name The EriduSerpent/EriduSerpent

and any written material is owned solely by the above named.

Permission granted for all written material to be shared but not for profit.

Printing or publishing is prohibited without seeking permission first from said owner.

It's a beautiful day Diane

but I'm stuck in between

I lost myself to the

mirror me

I feel ancient

I draw wolves

burn it down

she taunts me

I’ll admit it.

Sometimes,

I try to impress you.

It’s not so strange.

I just want you,

To like me.

Even,

Love me.

So yeah.

Sometimes,

I dress with,

You

in mind.

And maybe.

Sometimes,

I’ll tell a joke,

That I know,

Will make you laugh.

And I won’t care,

if no one else does.

And maybe.

Sometimes,

I stand a little

Taller.

When you’re around.

I sing a little

Sweeter.

When you’re listening.

I smile a little

Wider.

When you’re watching.

I laugh a little

Louder.

When you’re

Telling the joke.

It’s not so

Strange.

I just want you

To like me.

Even,

Love me.

These words are sick

With such heartbreak

They wish to dream

but stay awake

The cold that soaks

Their downy wings

Dulls their shine

With worldly things

They cannot fly

So they stay here

These words destroyed

By Writer's fear

i can hear my breath in your ears

im sorry i didn't brush my teeth

they’ll sink into your knees

blood will bloom and get rid of my uncertainties

i am the epitome of

pain in all your dreams

it's no issue to me if

i get to smoke all your screams

one day i will see you breathing

i come from this family with this string of bad

a string around my upper arm

a string around my neck

a string around my knee

i breathe in fumes i can't not do

im waiting in the bathroom for you

my makeup smeared and you just sneered and now i forget the color of your eyes

i was never a prodigy. this is all so terribly difficult to me.

sunshine and green

shining through your window

the city lights breathe

i see your words catch in his ear

in the corner i sit and breathe very quietly

in a silent-ish moment the disturbed come alive

a shuddery noise rose from her throat as he grabbed her neck and she started to choke

i stand up, feet softly, and cry at the door

nobody tell him what he’s waiting for

oh! a hospital wall!

a breathing and living oddity

taking my heart and breaking it on the floor

breaking your back and youre making a war

oh! a hospital wall!

the pain of the shocks and the smell of the rot

my teeth will fall out and my toes all chopped off

my blood in a goblet and my body on a cross

im not saying you’re mean im just saying im not good enough for being around you and i apologize

im on the edge of stupid and defiant

the defining factor

a substudy of surgeries to make you understand

the non-pain of being me

i think i shouldnt be upset because i’ve got a feel-good family

im the guitar’s cruxifix

a rage of shitty messy gigs

tonight ill piss in your window

tomorrow ill piss on your car

my eyes are glued to your

star lights in a demon spur

a green light means i’ll stay inside my skin

oh, what a temporary shame

when my body fails you will your feet walk the same?

when my heart condemns you will you turn and walk away?

when my eyes are leaking and yours are still tame

i don't know if you'd ever understand pain

and i see you are bleeding under that smile

so you told me what blood was and i understand everything now

in your fishtank skull i see beautiful melodies

some under audit and some stuck in custody

inside his head are flowering blue ribbons

and they wrap around their wrists and they dance around like puppets

by the campfire they glance around teeming blue fire

and the blood blue veins will spill over in turmoil

In this

existence

we listen to train pitches

leaving in every direction

well knowing we are

going to miss some

you could have been a scientist

you could have been a doctor

you could have lived as a quiet drifter

lost and devoted to vulnerability

you could have studied human behavior

and tried to help people figure out how

to love a different life 

and you could have

had a child 

but that future stopped at divided

cells and a primitive face and

you are unsure if that is fate or 

if you have had a choice 

in this existence

we listen to train pitches

leaving in every direction

well knowing we are 

going to miss some 

and even though astronaut 

is no longer in our reach

our circumstances can 

still be different and  

we can always try

to pull the railroad 

switch

redirect someplace else

and from that we can

deduct a working definition 

of faith.

Its been a month since we last kissed, and I've been desperately trying to figure out why love sounds more of an apology than a confession when it comes from my mouth. I have come to the conclusion that it's because I've been emotionally unavailable since I figured out that no matter how much you miss someone, it will not make them love you. I find myself surrounded by those who have left more so than those who stay so much they start to blur together. You said that loving me was like constantly coming up for air without being underwater; but you didn't notice me drowning in the promises you were breaking. 

Someone once told me "leave before they love you or you will stay until they don't anymore." You were writing my name in cement while I was carving yours into the moon and I have fallen in love with you more times than I can count and I wonder if that means I have fallen out of love just as many- they're both equally as scary. 

I was too worried about you leaving me that it's only fitting I'm sitting here asking the window panes where you went. I think of things I would say to you if you decide to return my calls and I've decided that I would tell you that this is for the best, and maybe we were too good anyways. But I know if that ever happened I would only be able to say "I miss you." I'm trying not to let this bitterness I have towards you leave a bad taste in my mouth but I've never seen the point of your lips if they weren't pressed against mine- and lately all I've been able to think about is you leaning in first for someone who isn't me. 

These are my words -- read them aloud

My words need not be spoken

I reserve them in my sanctuary of judgement and careful thought

Opinions merely combust unnecessary argument with the unwitting

Force fed by monsters, cramming them where they’re not fitting

Yes, this world is corrupt; always has been, always will be

But it’s the closed minded thinking that always will kill me

To think for one’s self, is it too much to ask?

They’d rather let others and hide behind masks

Create your own words, words of logic, reason, and concise thought

Think of them as gifts, like the wise men brought