They laughed at me again today. They called me fat. I'm starving myself, but the weight won't come off fast enough. I can never focus and I get really bad headaches. It's worth it though, isn't it? This way, they'll like me. Maybe that cute boy in my math class will finally like me. He's so perfect. I'd love to be his lover, only, I'm too fat to even think like that. I don't think he even knows I exists. The razor, it keeps calling to me, and as ashamed as I am to say this....I answer it's calls. I think I need help, but I already know I wont accept it. Not that anyone would help me anyways. My dad left us again, and my mom has locked herself in her room. I'm stuck watching my little brother and sister. I don't think I can do this much longer.....

what day is it?

they all meld together

i don't know how

to stay in this longer

i'm here aren't i?

isn't that enough?

my words they stick

in the mind of the duff

dumb ugly fat friend

isn't that me?

i sense yet no one says

what i fail to see

my representation, my addiction

why cant i ever be heard?

you ignore me in the hallways

you never hear my words

my teenage years are coming to end

yet what i fail to see

is everyone is mindless

all teenagers and me.

November 3

Dearest Diary

   My true friend. 

Your loyalty will never end.

   I can lock you up at night.

Lock you up safe and tight.

   Now let's talk about my day.

That's why I'm writing anyway.

   I got to school, it's pretty rough

At school the girls are really tough

   They give me dirty looks all day

I just try to look away.

   There is one boy who talks to me

He's a dork. What else would he be?

   I wish I had a cute boyfriend

But I'd need money to stay on trend

   Mom brought home some clothes for me

They were a size too big or three.

   Used to be my cousin's stuff.

My cousin's a boy and pretty buff.

   Hand me downs make me look trashy

Along with hair that's really ashy.

   No matter what I can't lose weight

I think that fat is just my fate.

   At lunch today I ate a pear

Wishing for something cute to wear.

   Three girls came to where I sat

The first one to speak said I was fat.

   She leaned over right next to my ear

And asked if I would shed a tear.

   I was way too scared to talk

So I just listened while they mocked.

   My dorky friend just looked away

He had nothing helpful to say.

   When the girls had had their fun

I got up and tried not to run

   I left the lunch room tried not to cry

My fist rubbed roughly at my eye.

   The last class of the day was Math

My favorite teacher Mr McGrath.

   I shyly took my seat in class.

I wondered if he liked my ass.

   Then my reverie was blown

The girls from lunch walked in, I groaned.

   One of them loudly cleared her throat

And then began to boast and gloat.

   She spoke of how I was real scared

And how no one in the school cared.

   Mr McGrath told her to quit

When he did she threw a fit.

   She sneered at me and called me his pet

The most humiliating moment yet.

   He just shook his head and laughed

Told her she'd be leaving that day last.

   Me he dismissed and I came home

To sit on my bed and be alone.

   I really love Mr McGrath.

I really do hope he likes my ass.

XOXO