To say you saved my life would be an understatement.

I was dead. Far beyond rot, smell & decay.

Just bones tossed in a shallow box, torched with hate & rage, then thrown to the ditch amongst dog shit & weeds. There I laid forgotten. Not missing. Not lost. Forgotten.

And then here you come along wanting to love me ...

but,

Blind, I couldn't see your hand

Numb, I couldn't feel your touch

Deaf, I couldn't hear your voice ...

still you stayed & carefully picked me up piece by piece. You meticulously put me back together with each tear of hope, you cleansed me of pain ...

All the while holding tight to strength with every push & shove you endured from me.

Still you stayed, & every glance was air to my lungs & rhythm to a once still heart ...

I began to see you, your eyes, so genuine,

then I began to feel you, your touch, so gentle, and finally I heard you, your voice

so strong, so pure, & this you said ~

"My exquisite corpse

now alive ...

It's just you and me ...

Can I keep you" ...

I love you for a million reasons

(Even when I hate you for half of them)

I love the boyish look you have when you wake up

I love the way you always buy us candy

I love the way you randomly burst into song

I love the way a ping pong game isn't complete without dancing

I love how you'll sit for hours doing a puzzle

I love how you interact with your brothers

I love how much you love your family

I love how you'll crack up at silly videos online

I love how we can have entire conversations with memes

I love how you remind me to enjoy life's moments

I love how you encourage my creativity

I love how you accept all my different parts

I love that you don't belittle or make me feel small

I love that you don't need to control me

I love that I was able to share my writing

I love the way you'll read me clues for your crosswords

I love it when you tell me I'm smart

I love that I can be silly or serious or sad or stupid with you

I love you for helping me work through my anger

I love you for forcing me to voice my opinion

I love you for caring that I have an opinion

I love you because I never have to pretend to be different than who I am

I love you because you understand me in ways so many others never could -

Like having a mom who's a drug addict

Like having a domineering, intimidating dad

Like having a natural tendency towards self sabotage

Like making bad choices for no good reason

Like basing self worth on appearance

Like seeking attention for an ego boost

Like confusing love with need, or pain

I love the way the world melts away when you touch me

I love the safe haven I find in your arms

I love the warmth that emanates from your body 24/7

I love how often we fall asleep in pajamas, but wake up naked

(Even our sleeping selves can't keep our hands off each other!)

I love the way we can experiment

I love your openness to suggestion

I love your enthusiasm to my suggestions

I love how you've never made me feel shame

I love you for these reasons

And a million more

And no matter what life throws at us

Even if we part ways

I'll love you for making me better

Loving you helped create a better me.

You are never not in my mind. 

I see you everyday

everywhere I look. 

I have tried to forget you

so I wouldn't be there

to weigh you down

so you could live your dream

But everyday

You're in my head

And I know I'll never forget you

Because you can't forget the ones you love

When I talk to you I can see 

the future. 

But that future changes drastically

Depending on your mood. 

Sometimes I see

the white picket fence

with kids and ourselves

happy at the end of a long journey

Other times I see myself

sitting in a straight jacket

in a padded room 

left to rot

Both futures have me

banging my head against a wall occasionally

but god damn it

Both have me smiling just as hard.

But the more we talk

the more you make it clear

that you can't love me anymore

and the padded room 

seems more and more 

certain.

And when the time comes

I'll sit in that padded room

banging my head against the wall

staring at the door

waiting for you to open it

And the smile will remain on my face

because I know I'll always have you in my mind

Because I love you

And not by choice. 

I love your hands.

The way they feel

on my body,

on my face,

the way your fingers lace

with mine.

I love the sound of your laugh

the crinkle of your eyes,

the scrunching of your nose,

the way you sometimes cry,

while doing it.

I love your mind

your thoughts

your words

your actions.

I love the constellation of freckles on your arm,

the scar on your shoulder,

how you received it.

Every tiny hair,

every molecule.

Every memory.

I love you gigantically

I don't know how to emphasize

how much that is

without comparing it to the size

of an elephant,

or the earth,

or the Universe.

Even those aren't big enough.

Swathing you in my heart with love

obsession inside engulfs me in ardor

every pore of my being calls for your soul

brazen and blazing, I wrap in your heat

passion for you flows through my veins

inherent hunger for all that you offer

my body no longer acts on its own

completely crazed by fervor of you

animalistic and yearning, I beckon

you to my folds to hold for eternity

sanctuary of love to pillow us in.

When my veins ache for you 

and my heart drums to the beat of your words 

and my thoughts can't be drained of you

and my fingers seek the intertwining of yours 

and my orifices crave to be filled with you 

and my soul pines the very existence of your being . . . 

all I can do is say I Love You.    

I smile, it looks happy.

Everyone thinks I'm happy

Everyone believes I'm happy.

But you, you saw.

I cried, sweet big droplet tears.

Everyone rushed around to pat me up

Told me to smile and "be happy" again.

Only you saw my malice, only you backed up.

I don't know why I'm attracted to you.

You are ruining my greatest act.

You're wrecking the Oscar nomination level acting by just staring at me

looking at me.

Seeing me through the mask.

But I want you to stay.

I'm so tired of acting,

of pretending,

of playing.

I'm sick of making sure that my mask is in place,

before I open my eyes.

before I open my mouth.

before I open my heart.

Won't you...stay?

I promise, even if all you give me is silence.

I'll be glad, sleeping beside you truly content.

Knowing that you can see my true cracked face sleeping.

There isn't any point,

In me telling you all the reasons,

Why.

Because the truth is,

I love you for no reason at all.

I love you for you,

And there isn't anything I would change.

And even if your beautiful smile turned hideous,

Even when your skin becomes wrinkled,

Even when your hair starts falling off,

I know that I will still love you,

Because the truth is,

I love you for no reason at all.

You don't need to be rich,

You don't need to be smart,

You don't need to be famous,

You just need to be you.

Because the truth is,

I love you for no reason at all.

Would you rather love someone for a long list of reasons, or love someone for no reason at all?

I find myself smiling at just the thought of you

I find myself looking for you wherever I go

I find myself worrying whenever your not well

I find myself caring whether or not you've eaten well or slept

I find myself making sure you are warmly dressed in the winter breeze

I find myself hearing you even when you're not there

I find myself thinking of you just as I fall asleep

I find myself in love with you

I love how you know me,

Each thought you can see,

Your eyes crinkle with knowledge,

And twinkle with glee,

How the darkness is lightened

By your eyes meeting mine,

Each chuckle is sacred, 

Each sorrow divine.

You may hear my thoughts,  

Before they are spoken,

Our glances are shared,

With silence unbroken. 

Through sorrow and pain, 

Neglect and despair, 

Through jealousy and strife, 

Our lives we repair.

Your heart is noble,

Your spirit true,

When I need a strong shoulder,

I lean only on you.

You are worth everything,

Every hurt, every tear.

You are the Yin to my Yang,

All to me that is dear.

When death parts us someday,

As I know that it will,

One heart will be broken,

But I will love you still.