My 89 year old mom

cooking breakfast

for the both of us,

The cozy living room

where we watch her shows

while sipping coffee,

The hug at the door

at the end of the day

and her, "God bless you."

If you were a mayflower, let’s assume

Then I would love you, make you laugh,

And help the season bloom.

As the month of May came around

Let the seasons know

Without my beloved flower

Nothing would ever glow.

As the day ends, the moon will

Rise with all its fame

But without my beloved flower

It would, too, have no claim.

So, if you were a mayflower, let’s assume

Then I would love you, make you laugh,

And help the season bloom.

Maybe in May, things won't be so bad

Maybe in May, if I may, come over

and kiss you

undress you

not miss you

Like before

Maybe in May, things won't be so bad

Maybe in May, with the past behind me,

the future ahead

think with the head

but don't forget your heart

Like before

Maybe in May, maybe I may be,

me, at last

May is just another month that hangs on my naked wall,dangling in the time and space of my numbered existence.

Waiting to be ripped and torn.Stored away.Til June screams in fluorescent halos igniting the rapture of my perchless branch that signals to the embrace of the swaddling wind.

Til then I will bend the corners of this map to suit the bareness of this cube that I eat sleep and dream in awaiting the clouds to dissipate.

Oh what makes it so special for me.Sorry I only read.What about the month of May!!!

May is special because I can paint my cube from the inside.Reflecting light that shines through the naked trees in through the window as i breathe endless words on the chilled glass i gaze endlessly into.

May flowers

bought and paid for

duty sent to a mom

who sniffs

as if her allergies

were not already enough

this year

wasted money

that could have

been given to poor

set in a vase on the sill

until the water turns green

and the flowers crumble

to dust

in three days

Of course the most special thing about May is my birthday. In fact the day this missive is due is my birthday – keep that in mind.

Other famous people born on my birthday – Scatman Crothers, Ken Jennings, Artie Shaw, Margaret Wise Brown, Agathe Uwilingiyimana (born the same year as me as well), and Robert Moog just to name a few. A diverse group; so much for astrology.

There are lots of holidays to celebrate: May Day, Cinco de Mayo, Mothers Day, and Memorial Day; more fun days like May the Fourth, National Wine Day, World Otter Day, Sherlock Holmes Day, Bike to Work Day and…wait for it…Lucky Penny Day (May 23rd). May has exciting events to attend as well - the Kentucky Derby, Dragon Boat Races, the Eurovision Song Contest, and the Indy 500 (go Penske!!!).

So now celebrate May and my birthday by giving me lots of likes.

Pain. Pain, death, and self-definition, and the birth of my daughter. I was in a more than four-year long toxic relationship. I was co-dependent on my ex. Inevitably it destroyed my life; everything I had built, including my growing business, was systematically destroyed piece-by-piece. Along the way every piece of the man I used to be, was cut out, until there was only one remaining piece of him. That piece was his heart, and I ripped it out and killed him for the sake of my daughter.

We wound up homeless, my ex and I, and my daughter was born. CPS took my daughter in. My ex refused to comply at all with CPS, and inevitably she forced me to have to choose between staying with her or complying with CPS to get my daughter back. At that point, she had fought me so much on every little thing that there was only one thing left of the old me, and on that fateful day, I ripped that last piece out myself. I broke up with her for my daughter. I was at my lowest point; my life was in utter ruins, I had literally fought for my life against my ex's violent, meth-addicted stepdad to protect my daughter, and when I broke up with her, for so long I felt like I was dead in a grave buried in a dark forest.

I had killed my old self. I did not know who I was. All I knew, and all I had left to guide me, was that I love my daughter Freydis and I wanted her back. All that was left of my soul, or my moral compass was my daughter; all my kindness, trust, and goodness had been cut out of me bit by bit over years of mental and emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse. But then one day while grieving the death of my old self, I realized I had a clear canvass on which to choose who I will be, and that my daughter needed me to fill that canvass. In that moment I felt resurrected, like with a burst of power I came rising out from that grave in that dark forest into a starlit sky.... reborn....as a hari warrior.

In my culture, that's Germanic culture, there used to be this class of ghost warriors called the "harii." They painted themselves, their weapons and armor black, wore black clothes, and were skilled stealth fighters in the night. My daughter needed me to be reborn as a warrior capable of fighting for her in dark times, and so, I redefined myself as a hari warrior. I was reborn as something far more powerful than the old version of myself.

I was born on May 6th. 1991. My daughter Freydis was born May 1st. 2024. To me, May marks the birth of my daughter, and the most powerful changes I have ever been blessed to have gone through in my life; for me it is the month in which I celebrate my closest encounters with life, birth, death, pain, and transformation.

ice covered blades of grass

breathe freely now

and stiff joints

heat up

as knees rest into garden beds.

school day countdowns

and skipping last period

walks the gas station;

and one layer of clothes.

it's a definite spring

unlike the tease of april

it's fourth base

and a sigh of relief.