I know you didn't see me the way I saw you and I used to be perfectly fine with it. I'd preferred watching you from a distance and I would smile when you would laugh. I liked hearing your voice, seeing your smile, watching your actions from afar and oh how I wished it had stayed that way.

At one point our paths crossed and this was what I dreaded as I didn't want to become close to you. It would make my heart want what it shouldn't have. 

I hate how you were the last person I expected to fall for. But with every little moment I have with you, I keep falling more and more and you would never know.

You must never know because you and I, we're not meant to be.

I want silence for my soul

And meaning for my goals

Neither of it is at peace

Nor are any of my paths clear

As I try to make my way out through this haze

I keep stumbling and faltering

Small, subtle diversions

Momentary illusions that bring fleeting emotions

Is it meant to be liberating, cathartic or

some sort of an amusement

I may or may not know

But what I do know undoubtedly

Is conscious effort gives calculated results

And right now I may not be enough

However I will persevere as long as I can

For I am in search of silence for my soul

And meaning for my goals

©avia_dn

I want silence for my soul

And meaning for my goals

Neither of it is at peace

Nor are any of my paths clear

As I try to make my way out through this haze

I keep stumbling and faltering

Small, subtle diversions

Momentary illusions that bring fleeting emotions

Is it meant to be liberating, cathartic or

some sort of an amusement

I may or may not know

But what I do know undoubtedly

Is conscious effort gives calculated results

And right now I may not be enough

However I will persevere as long as I can

For I am in search of silence for my soul

And meaning for my goals

©avia_dn

I want silence for my soul

And meaning for my goals

Neither of it is at peace

Nor are any of my paths clear

As I try to make my way out through this haze

I keep stumbling and faltering

Small, subtle diversions

Momentary illusions that bring fleeting emotions

Is it meant to be liberating, cathartic or

some sort of an amusement

I may or may not know

But what I do know undoubtedly

Is conscious effort gives calculated results

And right now I may not be enough

However I will persevere as long as I can

For I am in search of silence for my soul

And meaning for my goals

©avia_dn

I choose today to look back at the last few years of my life and I realize I've come a long way. The journey was daunting and even though I seemed to have moved on considerably, there is still a part of me that experiences the pain, agony, fear and anxiety.

I keep telling myself that it would get better with time and I would one day heal for the better. But every passing second of my life carries various emotions within me and the after effect seems to be lingering.

And eventually I've come to realize God chose quite the steep hill for me to climb. There were rocks and boulders that cut me deep but streams and springs that helped me heal. And so long as I have hope I believe that one day I will be able to see the other side of this steep hill.