November 1, 2020 @10:45PM

I have cried today.

And I’ll probably cry again.

I haven’t drank today.

But tomorrow I’ll be on the fence.

I made it through the day again!

I get so overwhelmed i want to scream

What do you mean, what do I mean?!

Did you not hear the calling for help?

Are you dumb deaf and blind?

Forgot, you only care about yourself!

When my father took his last breath he shortened mine.

I can’t fucking catch up

Moving so slow

My life is constantly on rewind.

Get up start over go to bed.

Repeat repeat repeat.

Wtf is going on in my head?

I’m moving in circles why can’t I just stand still!

Can everyone stop a moment please?

Seems I’ve lost my will.

Gotta keep moving but I’m stuck.

Unsurprisingly it seems none of you give a fuck!

Collect your thoughts. Focus.

Wait. Never mind. No time for that.

Hocus Pocus!

My life is joke, maybe a game.

Too bad I want to kill myself.

What a god damn shame.

September 22, 2017 12:15 AM

It's the reason I sit around and cry.

The question behind every breath I take.

I knew better than to pry.

I did it again. But so did you.

Stuck in a viscous circle.

Over your untold truth.

Call it whatever you want.

I know what this is.

Not sure why you're trying to front.

I know what you did.

It was all right there in my face!

Just keeping me hanging on

But we both know I can't be replaced!

So here we go again stuck inside your lie.

Emotions too difficult to control.

It's the reason I sit around and cry.

September 14, 2017 1:50AM

I never contemplated suicide more seriously.

I'm in love with you but I hate you.

Stop. Please don't come near me.

Why do you lie so much?

And I just keep running back

Surrendering to your touch.

I let you hurt me again and again.

And I'm in so much pain now.

I want this to end.

I want to join my family on the other side.

I want to smile everyday.

But instead all I do is cry.

Someone please, I'm begging to see the light.

Someone please, take this away.

Can we ever make this right?

9/4/17 10:07PM

Looking into the eyes of the monster.

They blame me,

But how could I be held responsible?

Nobody ever chose to live this way.

Wearing myself thin.

Trying to get through just one more day.

Finding strength how to avoid a new slip.

Maintaining sanity,

Please don't let me lose my grip.

Burning demons deep inside my closet.

Everyone is questioning me.

I can't even blame them when even I know I've lost it.

But turn your heads and stay blind.

Offer a distraction.

And stay out of my mind.

July 31, 2017 3:00AM

Let me tell you about me.

I should get this off my chest, let it free.

I almost gave up on myself today.

I danced with the devil.

And he wanted to play.

I hide my fear in white lies.

These lips pose.

I am a master of disguise.

Meanwhile inside my head it is messy.

Where did I go wrong? Can someone correct me?!

I can feel my spirit, I am cracking.

All hope and motivation lost.

It is no longer secret, I am lacking.

You believe I am strong, but you are mistaken.

Everything around me is a blur.

I can feel my whole world dying, why am I shaking?

Make it go away, please! I need this to stop!

Unfortunately life does not take place on a stage.

I can't change the scene, pain is not a prop.

I am going to continue to grin and bare.

Hashing out deep rooted pain in prayer.

Maybe God will lift this burden.

Maybe I am suppose to gain strength through hurting.

July 3, 2017 3:00AM

I sit in bed and I can't sleep

Even tho my eyes are weak.

I think about having a baby.

Even tho the kids I have drive me crazy.

You'll never hold your first blood grandchild.

And you won't be here to walk me down the isle.

My initial reaction is to just be sad.

Then I remember why you're gone

And that just makes me mad.

My whole life you chose a bottle over me.

But I never turned my back on you

Even when it made my heart bleed.

I sat next to you in the hospital

And I watched you slip away.

I held your hand and begged you to stay.

But you left and now I'm alone.

A stranger to myself in my own home.

I forgive you, and I also am sorry.

I love you everyday with every heart beat.

June 19, 2017 11:35 PM

I'm ok really,

I'm fine.

He walks away...

Now I sit in my lie.

Never so seriously

Have I contemplated suicide.

All my pent up words

And no one to hear me rant.

You're gone and it hurts.

Really, I just can't.

I flashback and want to scream.

I fall asleep,

And it's all I see in my dreams.

Sad, sad, over and over.

Confused. Lost. Done.

I give up, I rollover.

June 24, 2017

12:50AM

I put up with too much shit.

On a daily I question myself,

Should I quit?

I can't even write I'm so depressed.

Staring at a the blank paper

Which my pencil is pressed.

Just breaking at the seams.

I don't function,

I can't feel complete.

No rest for wicked.

No change.

I am stricken.

June 1, 2017 10AM

Having trouble falling asleep

My mind races because it is weak.

I know it's my fault because I'm suppose to trust

I'm putting 100 into this, for us.

"It's different this time, I've changed"

"It's different I'll cause you no more pain"

I believe it all, that's what I need.

For your 100% devotion, I plead.