No matter what I did, I wasn’t ever enough. My biggest fear is losing the ones I loved, but it doesn’t come to fruition until it leaks into my nightmares. They started off as heavily fictional, the threat being supernatural such as ghosts or ghouls. Of course those types of nightmares stopped being so frightful once I stopped being a child. But I guess my subconscious picked up on that. The nightmare shifted more and more towards the other side of the spectrum. It started off with human attackers and though they’re very possible, they weren’t realistic enough. The scariest nightmare I had was caused by a threat I couldn’t fight: an illness. In it, my brother had caught an incurable illness and all I could do was stand by and watch him suffer; I woke up shaking and in tears. Even as a child I had never woken up so anguished. It was a sort of wake-up call: no matter how strong I get, there will still be some threats I can’t prevent.

He wants to feel the warmth of the spotlight, the roar of the crowd, and the adrenaline course through his veins as he grabs the mic. He wants to break bank, not just for his sake but to provide for his family; mom can retire early. That’s why he still writes bars during class and mentally freestyles while cleaning your plates, because he knows his passion will get him far.

She liked my friend,

He didn't feel the same.

She moved on to me,

I thought "Why not?"

An innocent relationship...

Then she fell in love,

But I didn't;

I stayed so I wouldn't be alone.

When I broke it off

I saw it in her eyes:

A broken heart.

It's quiet.

Sweet silence, I've earned this.

But what comes next?

Am I expected to sit in darkness?

Let's pop champagne, hold a feast,

This occasion is worthy of celebration.

Seems morbid, doesn't it?

Considering the world I left,

The alternative isn't that bad.

No more pain, no more hate,

No more responsibility

What did I have to do:

Finish college,

Pay for college,

Get a job,

Start a family-

Ugh!

I guess I should be grateful

For the fifth of vodka

Behind the wheel of that Honda;

No hard feelings, bro.

There's just one thing that's bothering me.

A memory in the back of my head

Demanding my attention,

What could it be?

Come on, ******, focus.

Is it lyrics?

The quadratic formula?

What is it?

Fuck...

It's those afternoons wasted on videogames with my first brother.

It's those special days walking my second brother to school.

It's those nights when my mom still read me to sleep.

It's those summer days spent outside with my dad.

It's those school days,

All of the school days,

Because my friends were always there.

This is Hell, isn't it?

I'm forced to remember everyone I've lost

And the memories we'll never make:

I won't get to see my brothers graduate, get married,

I won't be able to visit them on holidays and be the fun uncle.

I won't get to see my mom retire early in a big house

After I finally made something of myself.

I won't get to apologize to my dad for not being a better son.

I won't get to live with my friends the way we dreamed of:

Same block without a worry because we had finally made it.

I miss them so much…

I want to go back!

Please!

I can’t exist without them.

Dereck,

I'm locked up, 25 to life. Sorry, but I just had to make that sick bastard hurt for what he did to Joey. I love you, bro, and please take care of Mom, she's lost two sons after all.

-Andrew

Roses are red, violets are blue

You don't know how much I love you

You're the reason I get up in the morning

My day's bright even when it's pouring

You make the pain go away

You made me a love cliché

Then I heard about what you did

Then I heard you having a kid

It was Valentine's when I found the test

I nearly went into cardiac arrest

Staggered out your house, hopped in my car

60 in a 30, going so fast but I didn't get far

Woke up with a cast and a group of tubes

Even so, the doctor couldn't give me worse news

Because you're leaving me for him

After I literally gave you a limb

Bandages are red, bruises are blue

I'm through being in love with you

Fuck this heart of chocolate

The smell makes me vomit

This bundle of roses

A reminder of how you did me bogus

Makes me wish they'd give me higher doses

So I could slip into eternal psychosis

Because you've made reality a nightmare

I'm searching for that light's glare

That'll lead me to those pearly gates

I guess for you case, Hell awaits

All that wasted time, you owe me 14 months

Couldn't mask this pain with 14 blunts

It's funny. you made me believe love is true

But in turn, you made me believe it's bullshit, too

How does it go; roses are red, violets are blue?

Valentine's Day is a joke, but not one bigger than you

You're stuck with a deadbeat and his baby

It started as a good idea, but lately

You've been having doubts

A house filled with shouts

Lock yourself in the bathroom

To escape the wrath, gloom

That's when you pull out one of my love letters

And put on one of my big sweaters

Reminisce about the puppy romance

When we would have a lovely slow dance

At that moment you'll realize you've lost the best you'll ever have

You may have broken my heart, but of yours, I left with half

I want you to picture me with all the new girls

I hope it sends your stomach into a few whirls

I hope it pains you when it's Valentine's Day

God knows it's left me in a paralyzed state

Roses are red, violets are blue

I heard he left you, too

Good...