The Burden of Death

It's quiet.

Sweet silence, I've earned this.

But what comes next?

Am I expected to sit in darkness?

Let's pop champagne, hold a feast,

This occasion is worthy of celebration.

Seems morbid, doesn't it?

Considering the world I left,

The alternative isn't that bad.

No more pain, no more hate,

No more responsibility

What did I have to do:

Finish college,

Pay for college,

Get a job,

Start a family-

Ugh!

I guess I should be grateful

For the fifth of vodka

Behind the wheel of that Honda;

No hard feelings, bro.

There's just one thing that's bothering me.

A memory in the back of my head

Demanding my attention,

What could it be?

Come on, ******, focus.

Is it lyrics?

The quadratic formula?

What is it?

Fuck...

It's those afternoons wasted on videogames with my first brother.

It's those special days walking my second brother to school.

It's those nights when my mom still read me to sleep.

It's those summer days spent outside with my dad.

It's those school days,

All of the school days,

Because my friends were always there.

This is Hell, isn't it?

I'm forced to remember everyone I've lost

And the memories we'll never make:

I won't get to see my brothers graduate, get married,

I won't be able to visit them on holidays and be the fun uncle.

I won't get to see my mom retire early in a big house

After I finally made something of myself.

I won't get to apologize to my dad for not being a better son.

I won't get to live with my friends the way we dreamed of:

Same block without a worry because we had finally made it.

I miss them so much…

I want to go back!

Please!

I can’t exist without them.