A king in dark green robes

Crowned in white

Outlasting his fellows

He stands tall

Only to be cut down

In his moment of triumph

Lost in his pride

When I was little

I would watch TV

And see the shy kid

Overcome their 'problem'

Make friends

Become as extroverted as the others

And be much happier for it.

It made me wonder

If there was something wrong with me

Becuase I don't have friends.

I like people;

I'm not antisocial or rude

ButI don't 'hang out' after class

Or post on social media

And most days I would just rather read my book.

After conversations

I dissect what I say

Noting every stutter, um, and awkward phrase

Hating myself for every one.

I always figured

Someday I would change,

Become 'normal'

And be happier for it.

Then one day,

I came across

A quote by Mark Twain:

"The worst loneliness

Is not to be comfortable

With yourself."

And it got me thinking,

When I'm with people

Am I comfortable

With myself?

I constantly second guess

And doubt

Holding back

Eaten alive by anxiety

And leave less happy

Than I arrived.

But when I'm alone

I laugh

I dance around the room

Making worlds up in my head

Sculpting stories

Out of errant thoughts.

And I decided

I'd rather be alone and happy

Than togetherr and miserable

Even if that means I'm lonely.

Because I like

Myself better this way.

Who needs friends anyway?

Christmas morning

I walked down the stairs

And there was the tree

Filled with ornaments

Made by small, clumsy hands

Smiling faces

From a time half-forgotten

Four stockings by the fire

With three people gathered round

I smile to fill the empty room

As I rip through each gaudy present

Knowing there is something missing

From beneath the tree

once wisps of paper litter the floor

And “thank yous” have been said

I gather up my new-found treasure

And make the journey back to my room

I drop the presents onto the floor

Lay down on the bed

And burst into tears

Because it’s Chirstmas morning

And it made me think of you.

Heavy sun beats down on land

Filled with dreams gone to seed

Where the straw man stands guard

In a field of rocks and weeds

The stones cry out to mock him

With the neat rows they have marred

For grain no longer grows here

Where the straw man stands guard

His clothes are made of patches

His hair is streaked with leaves

Stalks of staw fly in the wind

In a field of rocks and weeds

Standing in a barren field

From which nature was once barred

Though his purpose now is lost the time

Where the staw man stands guard

Black birds circle overhead

Carried in on errant breeze

Watching as the straw man dies

In a feild of rocks and weeds

Now green pushes up from death

Fresh and wild and free

Where the straw man stands guard

In a field of rocks and weeds

Set adrift in an ocean

Vast and deep

Aboard a small boat

Without knowing how to sail

Steered by a prevalent wind

Through furious storm and gale

Over joyful leaping waves

Until learning to steer,

Harnessing the wind

Turning from the wild waves

Into calmer waters

In unknown depths residing

Monsters lurk in wait

Fangs bared

Claws poised

To rise up against the boats

Driving them into the squalls

Dashing them against jagged rocks

Fought but never defeated

Driven back but never killed

Spectators gather on the shore

Cheering their support

Watching a battle

In which they have no part

Trying to help

They send armor, swords, and sheilds

Some are taken up

Others left to gather dust

Weighing down the boat

So the monsters cannot push it

But neither can the wind

So the boat is trapped

In an unfeeling doldrum

I cry out to You

Hands uplifted in prayer

As I try to trust Your plan

Searching for Your presence here

Begging for the reason why

My heart is broken

Here my life lies broken

And I kneel with it before You

Desperate to know why

I offer tear-choked prayers

But I cannot feel You here

I cannot see Your plan

I know that You have a plan

For Your promises remain unbroken

But as I go through fire here

I find myself unsure of You

Do you really hear my prayers?

The question I always ask is why

Do I need to know why

My sorrow is part of Your plan?

When I come to You with prayers

Asking You to fix what has been broken

I remember I can trust in You

For You are always here

I know that You are here

Perhaps I do not need a why

But to put my faith in You

And trust the goodness of Your plan

Wait for the day you will heal what is broken

And offer up my loving prayers

Today I come to you with prayers

To feel Your sovereign presence here

And though in parts I remain broken

I will wait without knowing why

Until I know the fullness of Your plan

My strength derives from faith in You

You have a plan, even if I know not why

Through prayers, in brokenness I find you here.

When first born

they are helpless,

completely reliant upon

the one who birthed them.

They are raised with love

taught with care

the ways of the world,

right from wrong

as seen

through maker's eyes.

And when

they have reached maturity

are independant and complete,

they are stripped bare,

skin peeled back,

muscles scrapped away

until bare bones remain.

These dusty bones

are gathered up

polished

until they shine,

new ligaments tied,

muscles raised up

dressed in new, clear skin

better and stronger

than ever before.

Though we stand in an embrace

Between us lies a chasm

In the space between our hearts

So wide it is insurmountable

And so much within it lies

The rubble of years now lost

I can feel all the things we have lost

Echoed in this hollow embrace

Made empty by betrayal and lies

I stare into the chasm

Wondering if it is insurmountable

This space between our hearts

I can hear the beating of our hearts

Speaking to what has been lost

Of betrayals insurmountable

Yet I hold on to this embrace

Because I want to cross this chasm

And understand these lies

I want to know what lies

In the wreckage between our hearts

To fill in this dark chasm

Retrieve what has been lost

Reach you through this embrace

And prove nothing is insurmountable

But should this prove insurmountable

If there is no way through these lies

I hope there is some comfort in this embrace

Some solace in our hearts

As we accept what has been lost

And grow used to this chasm

As I look into this chasm

I see problems which feel insurmountable

At the bottom, broken and lost

Love lies

Unable to connect our hearts

Though we stand in an embrace

Despite the chasm, we embrace

Trying to fill the insurmountable distance between our hearts

Overcome the lies between us, and rebuild what has been lost

Danger in the sky

Spinning to a howling song

We bow before him

Roaring nature's might

Bringing life to a brown world

Rain against the roof

Sun closing his eye

Rainbow on the horizon

Stars winking to life

King of his domain

None may tresspass on his peak

Wears a crown of ice

Sea of golden sand

Stretching far as I can see

Stagnant waves cresting

Thousandfold colors

Twirling in a harvest dance

Falling onto snow

Staring at clouds

Made of paper, ink and glue

Trying to find shapes.

Sometimes you don't.

Sometimes you spot a shape

But no one else sees it

So you try to convince them;

Sometimes they convince you.

Look away for a moment,

Go about your life,

And when you look back again,

The cloudscape has completely changed.