A character I have loved since I first meet them, some two months ago, has been Shallan Davar from the Stormlight Archives. While the only physical traits we share are our red hair and blue eyes, she has captured me in every single moment that I read her story.

I am constantly in awe of is Shallan's strength. Not physical, but mental. She has so much of it. While she has a troubled past with much death and destruction, she still manages to stay afloat. She still manages to live a life full of the things important to her.

I resonate with Shallan's uncertainty about who she is and who she wants to be. When I start to think of the future, I can't decide. I want to do so much and I, metaphorically, want to be so many. This is one of the problems that Shallan has. As this is a greater problem for her, that manifests in more extreme ways, it really makes me respect her.

Shallan is such an interesting character, with many different challenges. But each of these challenges only serve to make her strong and more ready to beat the world.

The dragon sat in it’s cave

Glowing and hot

Trying to go

Someplace it could not.

No one in the town

At the foot of the mountain

Wanted the poor dragon

Near their town fountain.

What they didn’t know

Was that the dragon was nice.

He may blow fire

But he would give good advice.

One day in June,

The dragon came to the town.

They tried to shoot him,

But they couldn’t get him down.

Then suddenly there

Was a great shout from below

"We have the dragonsbane

You asked us to grow!"

Dragonsbane was

The plant that dragons fear.

It is a dreadful thing

And all dragons steer clear.

Our dragon in this story

Flew away quick.

He tried to get farther

Then a little yardstick

The villagers threw

Dragonsbane at the animal,

The dragon turned and flamed

But the plant kept on, clearly not flammable.

The plant hit the dragon

Square on the back.

The dragon faltered and

Fell from the attack.

The villagers yelled

"The dragon has been defeated!"

As they rushed up to get him

The dragon looked depleted.

The villagers noticed

And wondered aloud

"What is the matter?

Aren't you a thundercloud?”

The dragon looked up

And finally understood

That all this time the villagers

Had simply misunderstood.

The dragon was nice.

The dragon was kind.

They had all just simply

Been way too blind.

The dragon opened his mouth.

The villagers waited.

"I am a good dragon.

Just underrated.”

"I don't wish to eat,

I only wish to give you

Words of great wisdom

That you would dip into."

"I want to give wisdom

Right now and right here.

If we could be friends

Then let us be clear."

Everyone waited with baited breath.

And then came the loudest shout yet.

"Yes, Dragon, we will be friends,

And we will not be a threat!"

And now many days later

In a far away land,

There is great talk

In all of the sand

Of a town and a dragon

Who survived together

And whose hearts now

Are as light as a feather.

I want my words to break you down. Expose the inside and show who you are. Tear away the fake and show you.

I want my words to build you up. Make you stronger and show the world who you are.

I want my words to tell you that you are enough, you are loved, you are cared for, you are appreciated, you are beautiful, you are needed, you are wanted.

I want my words to tell you that many people feel the way you do. Unwanted, not loved, forgotten, a terrible person, a little insignificant speck of life in this whole great world.

I want my words to help you. Help you through your day as you remember that unkind thing that tall kid at the park said. Help you as you replay an embarrassing moment, over and over and over again. Help you as you are overwhelmed and feel ready to cry. Help you when you feel ready to give up on the world because it feels as if the world has given up on you.

I want my words to inspire hope. To give you hope that one day you will be a better sister. A better daughter. A better friend. A better student. A better person. Do not lose hope.

I want my words to love you. Douse you in liquid love. Embrace you in long love. Hold you in family love. Remind you of friendship love.

I want my words to show you all the tiny kindnesses people do for you. The lady in the dark red lipstick holding the door for you. Your younger brother holding your hand. Your friend asking, “Are you okay?”.

I want my words to clue you into the everyday things you do for others that mean the world to them. The stories you listen to from the old man down the street. You setting the table without being asked for your mom. Helping your sister with a math problem she needs help with.

I want my words to give you wings. To allow you to fly away on the wings of freedom. For you to break free from that chain that you, yourself, keep chained to the ground, when you have the key right in your pocket. You just don’t see it.

I want my words to tell you, “You are amazing. Don’t leave.”

Do you ever feel like you have everyone surrounding you, but no one at all?

I do. I feel friendless.

School

I know at least 30 people

But are we friends?

No.

That's made clear when they have birthday parties that I don't know about.

When they go to Moe's after school and I'm left going home, lonely, on the bus.

When the library is full of my "friends" but I'm not there.

A "friend" said that I'm popular.

She's funny. And kind. And wonderful.

But, she has friends. Good friends.

I have acquaintances. No friends.

This isn't their fault.

They are wonderful people.

But... as people grow up,

People grow apart.

As people grow up,

I shrink... falling farther and farther from humanity.

"Go away to back where you came from!"

This was said by my brother. I had just gotten home from a meeting and my parents were gone. I went into the house where my siblings were in a fight and yelling. I was there about a minute, trying to get people to calm down, when my brother yelled this at me from the stairs. I was really hurt and confused. I ran into my room and cried.

This was probably about 4 or 5 years ago. I doubt my brother remembers. Our relationship is fine, but I will never forget this.

I failed my first license test today.

It hurt. I'm so frustrated with myself. I was looking forward to getting my license, being able to go places without my parents. But of course. I failed it. And I know that if someone does read this, then you will be like, "Ohhh, you can just retake it! You'll be fine!" It still hurts. It still feels like a big pit of emptiness has opened in me even though there is no reason for this to affect me this way. I should have expected the fail to be honest. I really should have.

I got to the DMV. The woman asked some questions and for some documents. We went to the car I was driving. I get in. She asks for the high beams and some other thing. I got flustered cause I didn't know what she was talking about (my parents use the term "brights" for the high beams). She tells me to press on the brake. I AM PRESSING ON THE BRAKE BUT THEN I GO AHEAD AND PRESS THE GAS PEDAL!!! She goes, "Don't let that happen again or else you will fail." And I'm like, yes of course. She gets into the car and asks me to do a few more things. I comply becoming more and more flustered. Finally, she has me leave parking lot. I reverse, looking to the left. I see a car. I stop. I wait. And then the woman says to turn off the car and that she is going back inside to talk to my mom. I failed. It hurts. Even now, 2 hours later.

I can't do anything. Not as I watch my memories, slowly, slowly, slowly slipping into the void.

I watch helplessly as a memory of my daughter starts to dissolve into the whirlwind of black. I can see her sweet smile, lighting up the room. She holds her teddy bear and- What was I talking about?

Another memory slowly goes. And then another. And another. Each dissolving in a flurry of color and forgotten love. Until...

who am I?