I was at a Halloween party, and I actually dressed up this year, and I was cross-faded. Super cross-faded. I was talking to my one friend, she the pretty one, about this guy. Long story short I finally got the balls to go up to him and before I can say anything he goes, “I want s_____.” So like the good friend I am...I put on a smile and walked over to her and said, “He wants you.”

I walked away from her and proceeded to get more intoxicated. Here’s the thing. I am an avid marijuana user. I don’t drink alcohol. *now pause-how many of you are judging me for smoking weed right now? Huh? Well let me tell you something. I am financially independent at 21. I am a full time student with a full time job. I pay my own bills and I am a highly intelligent. So check yourself.* But anyway, I drank to feel better about always being the DUFF. ‘oh a 21 year old referred to herself as the duff’ I don’t meant that as I’m ugly and fat. I mean I am that friend who always puts her friends feelings first. So what if I like someone, I’m not the one he wants. I suck it up and make their lives easy.

So what’s the problem if I do this because I want to. The problem is my I put myself in this position. I allowed myself to feel like this was my job and my friends let me feel this way. Why? That’s what I don’t know. And until I do...will I ever be happy?

I am a newfound empath trying to flourish in a world that I️ can literally feel draining the happiness from my body. I️ am a daughter, sister, niece, and granddaughter trying to ensure my family is proud of me, even though at this point I️ am not proud of myself. I️ am a lost girl who wants to be considered a woman, someone who can take care of herself. But I️ can not. Not at this moment. I️ am lonely. How can an empath be lonely? Everyday I️ feel the emotions (love, hate, joy, fear, etc.) of others and the only ones I️ seem to identify with are the negatives. I️ cannot allow myself to indulge on the positive emotions of others so instead I️ focus on helping those that emit negative ones and that...well that is what destroys me.