You are the calm, smooth voice that rocks me to sleep at night. The soft, caring hand that wipes away every tear that falls from my scarred eyes. The one who pushes me up the mountain when I feel as if I can't even crawl. The one who holds me all night, telling me how everything will end up okay. The one who tells me over and over again, until your mouth is dry, just how beautiful I am when I look in the mirror and break. The one who laughs at me when I cut holes in in my gloves, because I can't stand the bend of my thumb to be touched. The one who stays up all night binge watching Grey's Anatomy with me. The one I cannot stop thinking about, ever. The one that I love with all of my heart and soul. And to think that I haven't even met you yet.

I remember you begging me not to do it, promising how things would be okay. You told me to think about my brother, who depends on me, my family and my friends. You asked me why would I want to do something so selfish. You made me promise, as you cleaned up the blood and began to wrap my wounds, to not do it. Seeing the hurt and desperation in your eyes, I agreed. But things have changed. My heart is broken, there's a constant war raging within my own head, my soul has grown numb, and you're not here. You left me here, all alone, in this hell of a nightmare. You're in Heaven, so why can't I join you? I want peace, too. So with these colorful, magical pills and this blade, I will soon see you in Heaven. Make sure to save me a seat, now.

Let's hang the jury, you sick demented fools. Everything that I say won't be anything less when I'm down in the grave and you put me to rest. Life still suck when all you know is the bottom. When your reflection in the mirrors smiles back it lies, you know it. You stand with a gun in your hand, starring at the wall with a look so sad. He sits and waits, feeling broken and hollow, hands held close to his face asking "why do I bother?" It's so cold, my soul is numb. So you are broken, daydreaming, lost focus? I have no words that I can say to make you see that I know I couldn't make you stay. Should I use my heart or my head?

My skin misses your touch. I keep thinking about how you told me you would always love me and never give up, so why did you? Why did you just give up and throw me away like a piece of garbage, then pick me back up like a toy when you got bored? Why did you tell me what I needed to hear so I would be blind to what you were doing: toiling with my glass heart. I became so dependent on you. You were the one that got me through the miscarriage, the depression; you're the one that got me through life. I kept planning out our life, just like we said it would be. You told me you cared, you told me you would never give up, you told me that you I was the one, but the biggest lie you ever told me was when you said you loved me.