I have a secret.

Except, it's not really a secret.

You see it. I see it. They see it.

Except, no one really notices it.

It's there in my eyes, in my soul.

Except, you aren't really looking.

There I go laughing again. I have a huge smile.

Except, I don't really feel it.

"I was climbing a tree and fell," I say. "My dog and I were playing," I say.

Except, you know that's not the truth.

There are tears in my eyes.

Except, you pretend not to see them.

There is blood on my blanket.

Except, it feels good.

I'll be fine, I say.

Except I really won't.

Who even gives a FUCK anymore?

I surely don't.

I tried. I really, really, tried.

At this point and time, nothing really matters.

It won't matter if I die tonight, or if I die 40 years from now. 

My LIFE is meaningless. There is no happiness, there is no fun.

The smile on my face is only holding back the darkness, that is pushing to get out. 

All of this. 

Everything.

I don't give a FUCK.

Not anymore. 

My brain is stuck in a continuous loop

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat

Look directly into my eyes, and tell me I'm not broken.

Be the one to break the spell. Free me from this prison, this hell, that I constantly live in. 

I can't do it without you, yet you are not there. 

What happened to you and me. Me and you. I watched you suffer through your demons. I helped you get through your demons, yet all along, my own demons were slowly consuming me, and no one was there to pull me out of the dark sea. 

I only wanted to be saved. Not cast aside left to die alone. 

Look at me. Please, just look at me. Look into my eyes and tell me I'm not broken. 

Fix me. 

I do not like being broken. 

It is like being stranded on an island wishing for a rescue, but never getting one. 

I love you, but it seems you don't love me. 

I am no longer awake.

I have become NUMB.

The feeling of death no longer fears me.

Death almost seems...inviting.

My body is decomposing. 

My brain is melting away. 

My heart is slowly breaking. 

The pieces, scattered all across the bare wooden floor.

This is what I am now.

This what I feel.

Not living, but not dead.

My heart might be beating, but I don't feel it.

I may be breathing, but I don't hear it.

I have become NUMB.

It's happening again.

My feeling of dread.

My feeling of hurt.

My feeling of sadness.

They won't go away this time.

My demons are keeping me awake. 

Someone, anyone, please help.

I am afraid they will get to me this time.

They're coming.

I can feel it.

And when I turned around, it was gone.

Everything was a lie.

My brain is going to explode. 

I'm heartbroken and I'm crying.

Please just leave me alone.

I have always been an afterthought.

Everyone always leaves.

For the first time ever,

I'm silently dying,

and now I've been left on my own.

I thought everything was perfect

guess I was wrong.

Everyone was happy and kind

now I'm tired of playing that facade.

It's funny how you said it'd be okay

you sure didn't keep your promises.

I wish we could go back to the

way it used to be. 

No one is the same.

I can already feel myself being

forgotten.