I love each more than the next,

justifying my decrepit existence by over-indulging

in every way.

I've become addicted to this

Pathetic Pattern of Sin.

I tell myself "It's because this is what feels best"...

This is a Lie.

No life exists without responsibility,

yet, I act like some sort of exception to the rule.

I sit, alone, at the rail,

sipping a barely tolerable liquid that

I've convinced myself I've, "acquired the taste of".

Truth is,

If you eat shit for 100 days,

you learn to stifle the reflex

to regurgitate.

(This should be Myriam's new definition of the word,

'Acquired')

Yet, here I sit,

Sipping Sin as I await Hermes

to carry me to my temporary place of

Happiness.

Sin after sin,

I delve deeper & deeper

into the abyss.

What they don't tell you about temporary happiness

is that when the time is up,

the World comes back at you,

Ten-fold.

Then,

you have to make a fateful choice

to either:

Tackle the new,

amplified,

Reality of Responsibility.

OR

Play, what I like to call the

Procrastination Game.

I've been playing it for years,

I might be a pro.

While this sounds like a brag,

I assure you,

it is certianly,

Not.

With that said,

I'm sure if this fell into the right fratboy's hands,

he may see me as some sort of

'Alcoholic Hero'.

His ignorance Scares me.

But, now,

looking back at all these unfortunate habits,

I've realized something...

I see now,

as I finish my umpteenth beverage,

there are not

7 Deadly Sins,

there is but 1:

Over-Indulgance.

Stuck,

in a vicious cycle of you and I

as the hurt we feel capsizes,

our pain crashes upon us

with the familiar disguise

of all these forbidden lies

Through the pain and the hurt

I see the thoughts you keep aside

because you're too scared to get burnt

so all your most honest reactions,

you hide

If anyone could turn nothing

into something

I believe

You and I

could change the patterns in the sky

Defy the nature from which we're bred

Love is eternal, not blind or deaf

completely coherent,

more so than I to say the least

So from this I ask of you,

to be true

and if need be,

release the inner demon that

you call your beast

because unless you open wide

and tell the truth passed

the lies

we can never move on

from these people we've become,

these people we are

will lead us to our demise.

I told myself,

No drinks for me tonight..

But hey,

nothing really, ever

goes as planned.

I planned on writing an article

of importance

and significance

that had merit

and value

and even though it

may have lacked in

'deeper' meaning,

serving an educational

purpose is a noble task,

indeed.

But like they say,

nothing really, ever

goes as planned.

The good night of sleep

that perpetually evades me,

the spare time I have in my day

that constantly mocks me

of the shit it knows I

should be doing

with my freedom,

which I am never 

productively 

using.

The outline of my life,

or potential life,

unwittingly

escapes me

the vicious cycle

grows stronger,

the capacity for

self-vindication 

flees...

Funny,

I feel entitled to this

mess of accomplishments.

Like a kid who was born

into some preconceived

notion of entitlements.

but hey,

what else isn’t new

about Millennials.

Sometimes I write

without purpose

and I act

without clarity;

but all of the while

in the forefront

of my mind resides

My goal

My outline

My plan.

It's true,

nothing really ever

goes as planned...

but that doesn’t mean

you won’t get there,

eventually.

To take, or to make:

That, is my question.

Tis it nobler to battle for that

which is already in existence,

that which is recognized by

value,

people,

and desire?

Or shall one make.

Create from within,

intangible,

meaningful,

and personal?

To make is to create,

creations first facade is that

it's difficult,

strenuous,

and impossible.

This is

A huge misconception.

For, that is the Beauty

in creation.

Your ideas are only as

difficult

as you perceive them to be,

or not to be.

So again I beg,

To take, or to make?

We could all just, 'Take' it easy

but that would be greedy.

Instead I suggest,

we adjust our mindset,

to picture a world

where we can all just,

Make It Easy.

Part of a different Social Class.

Not below the line of poverty,

don't get me wrong,

I'm grateful for what I had;

My Dad provided so Fatherly.

But, still sunk enough that some kids

wouldn't even bother with me.

Excluded,

due to my lack of toys and technology.

I was a chipper kid though!

I trucked on through

Smiles all over my face hiding any hint of the truth

I did have friends,

some of which fell through;

But mostly we just grew apart and

as I started new journeys,

They did too.

But still, Even today,

When I look back on it with 20/20 Hindsight

I can feel the

Blatant Exclusion

perpetually keeping me up at night.

"They tease you until they like you",

some would say.

But time is ticking, my soul is ripping,

and I don't know if I have it in me

to wait long enough,

For that day.

I'm sorry I don't have the items that make you content,

All my families hard earned money was way too well spent.

Im tired of your ridicule,

do something about it or

keep it inside of you.

Whatever you do,

Just please stop staring me down like I'm being held in

Contempt.

I can't say that though,

I don't want to sink to your level.

As a matter of fact,

I don't even want to be your

"Bro"

I have brothers all around me,

Different Bloods,

Genders,

Races,

And Sexual Preferences,

All surround me.

So really,

I don't have time for your little

Dog & Pony show.

You can go jet-skiing all you want,

just don't bother us

real people

I'm finally just starting,

to let it go. 

I'm a raging alcoholic,

but in a functional sort of way.

the liquor at night is quicker

but pints keeps me moving 

throughout the day.

I still get shit done though, 

sometimes I do a lot

but I swear I feel my liver quiver

as I consume my 8th shot

by four o' clock

remembering, I forgot 

breakfast but continue on anyways

with a belly full of rot.

I stuff my laces in my shoes 

and drag my feet as I head out.

Mouthwash and cigarettes

hiding any hint of booze

as I breathe out 

a strange combination of 

guilt and comfort

from my tarnished mouth.

Hidden in plain sight,

a booze hound by both:

Day and Night.

Will my demon overcome my

Will function in society?

Will this depressant slowly

erode me?

Will I succumb

to those few individuals that

strive to deprive me?

I don't know.

Let me finish this drink

and then come sit beside me

I'll tell you a bit about how I think

and why my inner demon,

Will never define me.

The Sun, I think, is a peculiar thing

Itself, and all connotations it brings

Happy, alone, standing out in the sky

Shouting, "Be Warm",

a million mile cry.

We hear and we listen

as it shines and glistens

a dark haired girl,

is mildly smitten.

Resting on a beach,

hopin' and wishin'

a man could see her

in this hot condition.

Across the wide world, 

in a different position,

very same sun,

but different mission.

Screams at a boy

whose burns do remiss him

wearing him down

with pin-point precision.

The versatile sun,

Shows many colours through one.

Wrapping the earth in a warm, gentle hug

but if you're uncareful,

or like reckless fun,

The sun can be cruel,

but only to some.

If my keyboard had a scream button,

it would get much use.

If my pockets were really bottomless,

I'd always have nothing.

If I had everything I wanted,

I'd never pursue anything.

Now that I think about it,

A hard life

Is life.

The other option

isn't living.

Forever chasing what

will never fulfill us.

Thats why if my

keyboard had a scream button,

It would get much use.

I struggle with words and when to say

These feelings stirring and whirring away

These troubles they press like the wind at my face

So clear and prevalent, but lost in my space

I wish that I could, would, and should speak

I stumble through verbs that make me feel weak

Inevitably, I cower. Like a first class rookie

Never been on the track, and already playing hooky

I race to unfold what sentences I behold

But am amiss to see what comes of it

As we tick on through times, the new and the old

I know that my words have run from it

In despair I see what I feared all along

The clearness breaks through, the truths of my wrongs

Revelation occurs, in a flash I’m awake

But the darkness has fallen, fate cannot be escaped

How could I be so blind with such full vision

Knowing that all was result of indecision

Through the lack of these choices, I seem to make one

Without consciously caring of what I had done

I shrink to my knees, bow my head in disbelief

and ponder those troublesome words

I think to myself, through sickness and in health

how painful could have been those verbs?

In a dreamlike state, I lie before thee

Now sinking and drowning in an adjective sea

Describing to you, what you mean to me

Hoping and praying that you will believe

The verbs and adjectives simply won’t mix

A confusing notion I avoided to fix

This is the avoidance that brought me to here

These are the verbs that lead my heart to be speared

If only I could show you what I know now

If only I could help you to understand how

If only I could tell you what I felt then

If only I could do it all over again.