If Only.

I struggle with words and when to say

These feelings stirring and whirring away

These troubles they press like the wind at my face

So clear and prevalent, but lost in my space

I wish that I could, would, and should speak

I stumble through verbs that make me feel weak

Inevitably, I cower. Like a first class rookie

Never been on the track, and already playing hooky

I race to unfold what sentences I behold

But am amiss to see what comes of it

As we tick on through times, the new and the old

I know that my words have run from it

In despair I see what I feared all along

The clearness breaks through, the truths of my wrongs

Revelation occurs, in a flash I’m awake

But the darkness has fallen, fate cannot be escaped

How could I be so blind with such full vision

Knowing that all was result of indecision

Through the lack of these choices, I seem to make one

Without consciously caring of what I had done

I shrink to my knees, bow my head in disbelief

and ponder those troublesome words

I think to myself, through sickness and in health

how painful could have been those verbs?

In a dreamlike state, I lie before thee

Now sinking and drowning in an adjective sea

Describing to you, what you mean to me

Hoping and praying that you will believe

The verbs and adjectives simply won’t mix

A confusing notion I avoided to fix

This is the avoidance that brought me to here

These are the verbs that lead my heart to be speared

If only I could show you what I know now

If only I could help you to understand how

If only I could tell you what I felt then

If only I could do it all over again.