I close my eyes and enjoy

the cold against my skin

I brush my brittle fingers against my weathered cheek

smiling shakily as I see

the sun shining through the window onto my grave

onto my grave

and I don’t feel the warmth

I don’t feel the warmth 

the cold of winter on a summer’s day

and my only regret as I close my eyes

finally 

is that I never enjoyed.

Never enjoyed

enough.

the sun had long since left my eyes

leaving nothing but the cold

and the trees, the leaves that crunch, dead

under my feet when i walk 

when I walk.

I am immersed in a permanent winter

where the water over which i used to graze my fingers

had long since frozen over

i can no longer break the surface

i can walk on the ice that had once only been a layer 

and i could feel the water warm on my skin

but it's all dry

I walk amongst the trees that had long since died 

and I know 

I know that Winter is ending

Winter is ending

I look at you in the surface of the water and I see

something broken

something to be fixed

I see a crack in the ice that you call your face

no longer immovable, untouchable; melting

You see I am a Doctor and not the medical kind 

the kind who self diagnoses, who knows without knowing 

that you have an incurable illness

When I say I look at you as the water ripples across your paper face

breaking it down and washing it away with the mask

I really mean that it had only taken me so long to realize

that I hadn’t been speaking to someone else

It only took me so long to realize that I had been 

yelling at my own reflection 

I am a Doctor

a Doctor of the self

I have a PhD in anxiety and a masters in depression

I got my bachelors in sadness when I was only eight years old

I was advanced

though only now do I realize that advanced is not necessarily conducive with good

I look at me in the surface of the water growing ever colder and I see

something broken

something to be fixed

I see a ripple in the ocean on which I am reflected

and I realize I am no longer looking into the water

I am drowning in it

But there still is my reflection

a smile plastered on its face

Forced

The waves have fallen still

in the water at my feet

I stare out across the ocean

into the vast nothingness

where our hearts used to be

where they once laughed 

and fluttered to a beat only we could hear

but our hearts have stopped conversing and 

our beats 

our beats have fallen out of sync

and now the only beat I hear

is the sound of the ocean 

beating against the empty space

in my soul 

   And

They 

Crest 

Like 

The 

Pain

I 

Hide

there.

I lie amongst the daisies,

the daffodils and smile

as the sun shines down upon me

and my heart runs a mile.

I am happier than ever

and I can’t contain my love

when I soar through the clouds

in the open sky above.

Our hearts do beat together

as the sun laughs along

and we frolic through the daffodils, 

the daisies all day long

Tranquil waters burble across the riverbed,

Sending waves of rested sand peacefully toward the sea   

What once was still is filled to the brim

With life, with wonder, with love

Your eyes are full of stars and seashells,

Glinting off the sun in your soul

You radiate warmth and smiles,

Like the flow of the water when I love you

You are my heart, our shared drums

Pounding out the song of the riverbed

You have become my salvation, my sunny beach

Where I’d go to bask in the light of your smile

As my heart beats along with yours and my soul follows suit,

The gentle dub of our combined existence lulls me into a contented slumber

Sated.

Happy.

Finally, loving each other as one

Spring crests like the waves of the ocean

the cries of the father, the mother

beckoning the gulls from the skies above

They circle overhead 

as life is created

The water warms them as they rock 

nestled inside its arms of tranquility

and the three of those who lie amongst the sand

The waves

cry with rapture, with laughter, with joy

as life is created

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11uI26sPg7hpE9O08RyttgvEKsP0o3mgr9ydg34Uw0iQ

I sincerely would love to hear some constructive criticism regarding my first attempt at fantasy prose. My usual genre is poetry, but I would love to get better and learn how to more effectively build a world and the characters within that world. Hopefully you like what I have so far!