Doctor of the Self

I look at you in the surface of the water and I see

something broken

something to be fixed

I see a crack in the ice that you call your face

no longer immovable, untouchable; melting

You see I am a Doctor and not the medical kind 

the kind who self diagnoses, who knows without knowing 

that you have an incurable illness

When I say I look at you as the water ripples across your paper face

breaking it down and washing it away with the mask

I really mean that it had only taken me so long to realize

that I hadn’t been speaking to someone else

It only took me so long to realize that I had been 

yelling at my own reflection 

I am a Doctor

a Doctor of the self

I have a PhD in anxiety and a masters in depression

I got my bachelors in sadness when I was only eight years old

I was advanced

though only now do I realize that advanced is not necessarily conducive with good

I look at me in the surface of the water growing ever colder and I see

something broken

something to be fixed

I see a ripple in the ocean on which I am reflected

and I realize I am no longer looking into the water

I am drowning in it

But there still is my reflection

a smile plastered on its face

Forced