A loud banging from the front door could be heard, rattling everything in my household. Glancing at the clock, the bright numbers of 4am flashed back at me. Who could be pounding at my door so late at night? Maybe if I don’t answer it, whoever it is  will eventually go away. Turning my attention back to the papers in front of me, I continued my investigation.

But the pounding didn’t lessen. If anything, it got louder and more urgent. Scraping the chair back, I stomped down the stairs prepared to give whoever it was behind the door a piece of my mind.

“Who do you think-“ My words stopped short as I stared at the injured man in front of me. “Kieran?”

“Hello, Cupcake.” Kieran greeted, his bloody hand tightly holding his side. “I didn’t know who else to go to. Well.. I have no one else to go to.”

The little voice in the back of my head was telling me to shut the door in his face. To pretend like this criminal that I’ve been chasing down wasn’t standing in front of my doorstep asking for help.

But that’s not what makes me me if I did that now would it?

“Do you know what time it is?” I questioned, stepping aside so he could get in. Once inside, I flicked on the lights that I had forgotten to turn on while coming down the stairs. Kieran carefully sat down on the living room floor.

“It’s four. What about it?” Kieran questioned back.

What were you doing out late at night? What happened to you? Who did you kill this time? Why are you here? Why did you have to come to me?

Those are the questions I wanted to ask. But they would have to wait. Kieran needed me as weird as that was. I couldn’t leave him to bleed out.

Pushing the interrogation aside, I made my way over to Kieran and helped him onto the couch

“I was trying not to get blood on your couch.”

“It can get washed. Now take your shirt off please.”

Kieran slipped his shirt over his head and my breath got caught in my throat. Besides the bruise on his right cheek signaling that he had been punched, his side was even worse. I couldn’t tell what caused the injury. A knife maybe? But a knife couldn’t have created such a large gash. Maybe if stabbed a couple of times.

Slashed. Turned. Nevermind, I don’t want to think about how it became.

Thank god it was not infected but if I don’t treat it now, it may become infected. I fetched the first aid kit that I store in all sections of my house before sitting down beside him. The first step I did was disinfecting the wound which caused Kieran to hiss out of pain.

Sorry man.

Silence was the only sound accompanying us other than the soft pats of the rain above us which I hadn’t even realized. Kieran’s eyes remained on my face but I didn’t dare look him in the eye. I focused solely on his wound. The faster I help him, the faster I can get away from him.

“This is a perfect time to turn me in.” Kieran spoke up, breaking the silence. I wish he didn’t. I was trying not to think about the criminal I had let in my house was the same criminal I was trying to put behind bars.

“Not while you are injured and I still have no evidence that you are the one behind all the killings.” I stated, purposely tightening the bandage around his waist.

“That’s true. You don’t want a repeat of the first time you tried turning me in.” A chuckle escaped his lips and I wish it didn’t have such an effect on me. But I sure as hell didn’t show him that it did.

“Why do you go around killing people?”

“Because it’s fun, Cupcake.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. No one kills for fun. Not the way you do.” I scoffed, shaking my head. Kieran shrugged his shoulders.

“Why does it matter that I’m injured that you can’t turn me in? What if you did have the evidence?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question. If I did have the evidence and he had shown up at my door injured, would I still have turned him in?  Before I could respond, Kieran started talking again.

“You know what I think?” His hand crept to the back of my neck, pulling me close that our noses were almost touching. “You like this little game we’re playing. You don’t want it to end.” His voice was low and rough as he spoke.

“In your dreams.” I shoved him back, quickly getting up and into the kitchen. My heart pounding in my chest.  I grabbed some ice wrapping it and came back into the living room, handing it to him as I nodded toward his cheek. Kieran grinned, gladly taking it as he pressed it to his cheek.

“You can stay here.. I guess.. just don’t steal anything.”

“I may be a criminal, Cupcake but I’m not that type of criminal. I kill not steal.” Kieran stated, lying back on the couch with a slight wince.

“I’m so glad you know how much of a criminal you are.” I grumbled, watching him before leaving to go to bed.

“I’ll be out of your hair by morning. We can continue our little chase like normal, don’t worry.”

Kieran kept his word. He was gone by the time I woke up. No trace of him.

Nothing left behind. The couch was even cleaned of his blood other than a note left on the table.

Let the game comencé.

Everyone says how much they can not wait to get out of high school. To go to college or to just become an adult but no one told you how much you was going to miss being a teenager. Miss going to school despite having to learn and wake up at 6 in the morning. I realized as I walked through my door after work, said hello to my parents and went downstairs to my room, how lonely I felt.

Sure, I talked to some of my friends from high school every once in a while, check up on them and see how they are but it is not the same. I’ve been working for almost three months now and I have no friends or somebody to hang out with on my days off. No boyfriend to cuddle with because he in college and always busy. I realized how much I may laugh and smile and act as... myself: goofy, childish and full of energy at work with my co-workers but thats just it. They are just my co-workers, nothing more. I try to get their numbers or hint that I want to hang out with somebody, to actual have friends outside of work but it never works.

So here I am, sitting in the darkness of my room, staring at my phone as no one has texted with tears streaming down my face. “I’m so alone... I’m so alone.” I whispered, curling up into a ball and crying until I couldn’t breathe. Until I had a headache.

I just cried because I realized how alone I am. And how I wished I did not have to move after graduation. Away from my friends. Away from my happiness.

A homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.

  I stood there, in the shadows, memorized by the way her black puffy hair was pulled up into a bun. The way her brown eyes shone from the sunlight, lighting up not only herself but the smile she portrayed. I watched as you wrapped your arms around her, picking her up off the ground. A squeal escaped through her lips, her hands resting on your arms as if any minute you would drop her and her head was tilted back. 

 "Okay! Okay! You win, you win." She had shouted, squirming in your embrace but you did not let her go. Instead, you hugged her tightly admiring the way she laughed and squirmed. She started hitting your arms, her bottom lip jutting out into a pout. 

"You're not going to run away from me anymore, right?" You had asked her, almost burying your face into her neck. She turned her head slightly to look at you.

 "Maybe.. It's fun to watch you chase after me because you catch me in the end." She grinned, sticking her tongue out a little bit which I knew you found adorable. My hands slowly closed into a fist as my eyes watered but I did not move from my position in the shadows. I kept my eyes  glued to you two.

"Alright... say that you love me." You grinned back at her, wiggling your eyebrows a bit which caused a giggle from her but pain to erupt from my chest.

"I love you." 

 "Ah Ah, I did not hear my name." You squeezed her gently.

 "I love you, Ian." The pain I felt was unbearable. It was like I could not breathe.

 You smiled, a huge smile at that and gently let her down. You spun her around so that you guys were face to face. I knew what was coming next. I should have looked away. I should have stepped out of the shadows but I didn't. I couldn't. After staring at each other for who knows how long, you leaned in for a kiss which felt like it would last forever. It slowly killed me inside to watch the one person you loved kiss another person.

I squeezed my eyes shut, wiping furiously at the tears that dared to spill. I opened my eyes only to see that you had gone, walking down the sidewalk, hand in hand with her. Probably telling her jokes by the way she tilted her head a bit, laughing. Covering her mouth as she did so. I finally stepped out of the shadows, taking a deep breath. It did not matter though because they would never see me. She would never see me. You would never see me.

Because I was long gone. And so were you.

The only difference was you had someone to take care of you still but I had no one.

I try to tell myself over and over again

<strong>You are beautiful</strong>

<strong>You are enough

You look like a model

You could be a model</strong>

But it seems like I'm only lying to myself

I'm afraid

Stupid phrase to say

Afraid?

Afraid of my body?

No, I'm afraid that I am losing myself

Because I can't love myself the way everyone else loves me

I can't love my body the way some people love my body

I try.. I try to see something positive

But every time I see my body in the mirror, I think

I think of all the other girls

The curvy ones

The ones with the 'dream bodies'

The body that seems to be wanted more than others

Running my hands down my body

Tears forming, streaming

My body shake

Why can't I love my body?

What's wrong with it?

Maybe it's just not enough...

I'm so done.....

"You actually came..." I answered, walking toward the edge of the roof. She sat there, swinging her legs one by one. Her hands gripping as to not fall over. I sat down beside her, giving a bit of space between us before following the rhythm of her swinging.

"I don't understand.." She finally spoke. The wind blew against my face, giving it light kisses. Without looking over at her, I can tell that her flowing red hair was being tucked behind her ears. Her hair was just as bright and reckless as her personality. But I loved that about her. "Why do you want to watch the stars with me?"

"I want you to see how beautiful the stars are." I answered with a shrug. I heard her snort.

"Really? I'm surprised you didn't say something cheesy." She answered, bringing a leg up hugging her knee to her chest. It was my turn to snort.

"Like what?" I looked up at the sky seeing the moon flashing down at us. The stars twinkling almost as if they were waving at us. Greeting us. "The stars are not as beautiful as you are?"

"Yup..." She brought her other leg up hugging both of her knees to her chest as she too stared up at the stars. I could just imagine her hazel eyes shining. The stars reflecting off of them. I smiled at the thought. "You could be watching the stars with someone else. Here... on this roof."

"Yeah... but this roof is special. We always came here besides..." I sighed, looking away from the stars in the sky. "You promised one day that you would go star gazing with me. Remember?" I couldn't help but to finally look over at where she sat.

But she was not that there. She was never was there. Not anymore. I bite my bottom lip feeling the tears that threatened to fall... fall. Her red hair that scattered across the ground so beautifully was the same color of the red that flowed out from her head when she landed. Her hazel eyes that shined against the moonlight, the stars did not shine no more. Everything about her died.

You promised one day we could go star gazing. You promised.

I tried to escape

I didn't want to be here in the first place

Yet his hands

His hands circled around my waist

Pulling me back, back onto the bed

I struggled and pleaded for him to stop

But he didn't

He didn't listen to me

Just relax, you'll enjoy this

But I didn't

I didn't enjoy it

I didn't enjoy his hands roaming my body

Groping

Biting

Licking

Anything that he could do

I didn't enjoy the sloppy kisses

The kisses pressed against my neck

My chest

My stomach

My lips

I couldn't do anything but lay there

I couldn't move nor scream

He wouldn't let me go

He just enjoyed himself as if I enjoyed this as well

And after everything

Everything...

I was called a slut

No one believed me

They thought I wanted it

But I didn't

Why would I?

I could never wash away his scent

His words

His grunts

Him

Never

She couldn't take it any longer.

The words

They would not stop repeating

The words

They would not stop appearing

In the mirror

In front of her

She could not even look at herself

For the fact she saw the truth in their lies

So she ended it all

Hoping the words would end

Hoping the words would stop repeating

Her wings were broken, shattered like a hammer hitting a glass. Slowly tumbling downwards causing her to fall down to her knees, too weak to hold her wings any longer. Tears streamed down her face, the tears she could no longer hold back. The girl let every once of her body be consumed by the sadness and loneliness she knew was all she had. All her smiles, her laughs and words were covered with not only lies but with lies that were truths that no one but herself could tell. She wanted someone, anyone to come to her. Wrap their arms around her and tell her that it was okay. That she would get through this. She wanted someone to hold her wings for her, to be her confidence.

But no one was there for her. No one was willingly to lend a hand. There was no one to hold her wings up or comfort her. She was alone. All alone...

No title. A blank page. A few words start appearing on the screen only to be quickly deleted after a couple of seconds. A teenage girl around the age of seventeen had been sitting down in her bed, her hands hovering over the keyboard and her mind rummaging through to break away the writers block. But nothing crawls out of its grave. Nothing hits her. This had been going on for a couple of hours now. She would start writing something only to delete it then scroll though her social medias seeing if maybe something might spark up her interest. Reading would soothe her mind yet still no ideas of something to write would come to her. Images and sceneries would flash like some type of movies in her head yet she could not put it down on paper or in documents. Sighing, the girl sat back in her bed, her eyes staring at the blank page of her documents as her cat laid calmly on her leg, purring lightly. She smiled softly, scratching the cats ears as her mind continued to rummage through, searching for something.

Reaching over, she grabbed a hold of her phone doing her scrolling through social media routine. Nothing caught her eye for writing and she hoped maybe if she just looked up writing prompts, something will spark up her imagination. Nothing that she looked up was any good to her. The prompts were good, she could not deny that but it was not something that she could write nor think of how it could go and how it could end. Throwing her phone aside, she pushed herself back into a sitting position causing her cat to get up and move beside the computer, laying down and starting to mess with her hands as they moved across the keyboard. She let her mind flow and typed anything that came into mind. Not caring at the moment if it made sense or if it was perfect. She did not care if what she was writing was stupid or not even that good. As long as she wrote something down to have imagination flowing and knowing that she still had writing in her, it was okay. She described everything that she could. She described the way her mother sat on the couch, a dora blanket over her lap to keep warm and a Ipad sitting there with a game on the screen. She described the way her mother would put her hand against her cheek whenver she was focusing or staring at the Ipad. The girl described the way she would just start singing out of her no where only to stop because her mother joined along in a horrible singing voice. But that only brought a smile onto her face.

She described the way her mind was blank like someone had poured water into her head and all the words, all the creativity vanished and swimmed away not wanting to be bothered. Not wanting to be used or found. But she found one good imagination and used it to her advantage. By the time, the young girl was finished writing, it was soon time to go to bed though she still had so much to say like how clouds slowly darken before letting out droplets of its tears, falling down upon us. Or how the sun decided to be confident and appear from behind the clouds, smiling down at everyone. The young girl sighed as she knew that she should probably stop writing before she would be writing all night and not get a wink of sleep. Ending the short story, she got out of the documents glancing at the many other documents she had which consist of other stories that she has written before shutting down her computer completely.

"Sometimes just writing without really planning or revising is all it takes to actually write something and have a plot or a way of going with things."