Memories
I remember drowning.
I was so close to the surface, yet too weak to reach it.
I remember choking.
My lungs expanding to take in air but nothing entering my body.
I remember crying.
My eyes swelled shut from the storm of tears you created.
I remember burning.
Sitting at the bottom of the shower, hoping the blistering water would clean your touch from my body.
I remember talking.
The first time telling another person what you had done to me.
I remember wishing.
Looking at the stars, wishing you had listened when I said no.
I remember hoping.
When a new man wanted to care for me.
I remember leaving.
I couldn't tell him why I pulled away when he touched me.
I remember so much
But all I want is to forget.
To you
For 6 months I lived in agony over you. Those 6 months were separated into 6 stages.
The first stage being my denial.
The second being my acceptance, my acceptance that it was all real and that the past 2 years with you meant nothing.
The third stage was my attempt to move on. Moving on with a selfish boy who would never show me kindness or happiness like I deserved. But what did I care? I was a broken vase and he was the glue to hold me together. Of course, only temporarily.
My forth stage was the worst. "You don't need that" I said to myself daily as I watched others around me eating as any normal person would. The food was poison to me. To me, the food was why you left.
The fifth stage was a bitter blur of bitter drinks and horrible mistakes. Party to party I ran, searching for any distraction I could find. I never found one good enough. Go figure. The last, and final stage was my realization. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing marks all over my body from nights I didn't remember. My ribs so visible, it hurt to look at my reflection in the mirror. You see, I loved you. I had given my body, mind, and being to you. You looked at my gift and laughed in my face. Two years spent with you. Two years gone. Now I want you to know, that a year later, I've found the happiness within myself. I know I will never again, let a selfish boy ruin me the way you did.